The Eaton-Prior Wedding

 

Four:  See, I told you it would be fine.  Not real fancy, but everyone's having fun and at the end of the day, you will be Beatrice Eaton.  Finally. 

Tris: You say that like we've been waiting twenty years. (fondly) We haven't even been alive twenty years.  You're so weird. 

Hagrid: You don't have to sit with me.  I'm not here as a guest, but it's my nature preserve and I gotta make sure everything goes right. 

Lynch: I'm not really a guest, either.  I'm security.  (laughs at his confusion) They asked me to wear the uniform in case her folks show up and start something. I doubt anything will happen - they've disowned her and that was the end of it for them.

Hagrid: Why'd they disown such a sweet gal? 

Lynch (sighs heavily):  Racism.  Esmeralda's not exactly WASP, therefore her sons are tainted.

Albus: I definitely have the best looking dates here.  

Midna: We aren't your dates, Albus.  

Zenobia: Speak for yourself.  I always have Albus as my date for weddings because I know he's not going to expect anything later.  At least not anything I'm not into. 

Midna (laughing): He is good for that, isn't he? No pressure.

Violet: I thought Tris specified no children under ten? 

Pern: She made an exception for me, so Anakin could be my date.  Where's your date?

Violet: Dean's working on COVID precautions at the high school.  

Anakin: I could have two dates.  Albus does.

Pern: My son doesn't date married women.

Marcus: Not exactly what I had in mind for my boy's wedding, but I like it.  

Esmeralda: She's exactly what I had in mind.  Oh, you're talking about the party?  We were going for Old-fashioned Church Picnic.  Potluck dinner and all. 

Marcus: No slicing the cake, no toasts or dances.  It seems off to me, but the important thing is that it's legal and they're happy.  

Esmeralda: I blame the Priors for all that.  We can't have a bride's dance with her father, so having the rest just seems... cruel isn't the right word.  Distracting, I guess.  Today isn't about her stupid parents.

Kevin: Got your speech all ready? 

Django: I don't know why they want one - they're the ones who have to make public promises.  And welcoming her into the family now, after she's been a part of it so long, seems pointless.  

Kevin: I think accepting your formal welcome is part of it.  Four ain't the only one she's making promises to. 

Jessie: I start work with Joe Montez next week.  I think you know his daughters?

Cedric: Courtney is in my grade.  Gabriella's in Kevin's.  

Jessie: They seem like nice girls.  

Cedric: Oh, no, you don't.  Do not go playing matchmaker! 

Frodo: Look at them with real girlfriends and I'm stuck back here with you.

Mariko: Gee, thanks.  (Points toward Jeremiah and Nova)  I was stuck with those two.  Their brains are still on the honeymoon. 

Frodo: Yeah, at least the twins know other people exist besides Nakoma and Whitney.  

Finnick: We hear you back there, talking about us. Pull your blanket up here, losers. 

        

Four and Tris call to get everyone's attention.  The tables have been set up inside the small shelter, and decorations posted. 

Four: Thank you, everyone, for being here today.  I'm here to promise this woman, Beatrice Prior, that for the rest of my life I will love her and do everything within my power to make her happy.  I'll take care of her and stay with her no matter what fate throws at us.  

Tris (nervously): I stand before you to affirm my love and respect for Tobias Eaton, under any circumstances.  I vow to never waver as we grow old together.  We are young but we're ready and willing to take on marriage (takes his hand) and the world with it. 

At a nod from the groom, Django joins them and addresses Tris. 

Django:  I've been appointed  to stand up here and speak for the family.  My grandson hasn't followed many of the traditional ways, for my people or his father's people, but I am proud of the man he's become.  I'm also proud of the choices he's made for himself, and that includes you.  You are everything he deserves- a capable, kind woman with no room in her heart for anyone but him.  Pretty, too.  (Chuckles)  Tris, we welcome you to the family whole-heartedly.  As of this moment, you are officially one of us. 

Rose-Grace doesn't speak.  There is no need for words.  She points to where the signatures belong and hands Four a pen.  Heedless of his white suit, he kneels and signs with a flourish.  Tris leans carefully, remembering her strapless dress, while she does the same.  

Rose-Grace: For the first time anywhere, I present Tobias and Beatrice Eaton.  (Applause)  And I know it's not part of the legal stuff, but... you may kiss the bride. 

The party begins after a chaste kiss. 

Lynch: I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you.  Sulu and I are having a bit of a dilemma and I was hoping you could give me some insight. 

Rose-Grace: Me?  As a mom or as a wife? 

Lynch:  As a mom and as a black woman, to be frank.  Bobby and Viv are bringing stories home from school that their little sister has a "black-people-hating" name. 

Rose-Grace: What's her name again? 

Lynch: Dixie.  After my grandmother.

Rose-Grace (thoughtful): I can see the problem, especially with you being a cop.  Dixie is the Old South, slavery, Scarlett O'Hara, all those things.  And with so many people thinking that all cops are racist bastards... 

Lynch: We did joke about it sounding like a stripper name, but the race thing escaped us. 

Rose-Grace:  Come by my office tomorrow.   We'll have lunch and talk about this.  I need some time to process what I want to advise you.

Albus and Anakin confess the real reason they accepted their dates' invitation.

Zenobia: Seriously, dude?  You can't shame me with that.  I'll be single forever and a day!

Frodo: It's not my fault I got white boy rhythm from the Dean side of the family!

Zenobia: Seriously, Albus?  You know we're both gonna be single til the grave.

Albus pretends not to notice, even though both the other men laugh.  He'll be wasted later... but not here and now, out of respect for the newlyweds.

Totally staged.  These four ain't fooling anyone.  Well, maybe themselves.

The end.  I mean, the beginning.