The Eaton-Prior Wedding

 

Four:  See, I told you it would be fine.  Not real fancy, but everyone's having fun and at the end of the day, you will be Beatrice Eaton.  Finally. 

Tris: You say that like we've been waiting twenty years. (fondly) We haven't even been alive twenty years.  You're so weird. 

Hagrid: You don't have to sit with me.  I'm not here as a guest, but it's my nature preserve and I gotta make sure everything goes right. 

Lynch: I'm not really a guest, either.  I'm security.  (laughs at his confusion) They asked me to wear the uniform in case her folks show up and start something. I doubt anything will happen - they've disowned her and that was the end of it for them.

Hagrid: Why'd they disown such a sweet gal? 

Lynch (sighs heavily):  Racism.  Esmeralda's not exactly WASP, therefore her sons are tainted.

Albus: I definitely have the best looking dates here.  

Midna: We aren't your dates, Albus.  

Zenobia: Speak for yourself.  I always have Albus as my date for weddings because I know he's not going to expect anything later.  At least not anything I'm not into. 

Midna (laughing): He is good for that, isn't he? No pressure.

Violet: I thought Tris specified no children under ten? 

Pern: She made an exception for me, so Anakin could be my date.  Where's your date?

Violet: Dean's working on COVID precautions at the high school.  

Anakin: I could have two dates.  Albus does.

Pern: My son doesn't date married women.

Marcus: Not exactly what I had in mind for my boy's wedding, but I like it.  

Esmeralda: She's exactly what I had in mind.  Oh, you're talking about the party?  We were going for Old-fashioned Church Picnic.  Potluck dinner and all. 

Marcus: No slicing the cake, no toasts or dances.  It seems off to me, but the important thing is that it's legal and they're happy.  

Esmeralda: I blame the Priors for all that.  We can't have a bride's dance with her father, so having the rest just seems... cruel isn't the right word.  Distracting, I guess.  Today isn't about her stupid parents.

Kevin: Got your speech all ready? 

Django: I don't know why they want one - they're the ones who have to make public promises.  And welcoming her into the family now, after she's been a part of it so long, seems pointless.  

Kevin: I think accepting your formal welcome is part of it.  Four ain't the only one she's making promises to. 

Jessie: I start work with Joe Montez next week.  I think you know his daughters?

Cedric: Courtney is in my grade.  Gabriella's in Kevin's.  

Jessie: They seem like nice girls.  

Cedric: Oh, no, you don't.  Do not go playing matchmaker! 

Frodo: Look at them with real girlfriends and I'm stuck back here with you.

Mariko: Gee, thanks.  (Points toward Jeremiah and Nova)  I was stuck with those two.  Their brains are still on the honeymoon. 

Frodo: Yeah, at least the twins know other people exist besides Nakoma and Whitney.  

Finnick: We hear you back there, talking about us. Pull your blanket up here, losers. 

        

Four and Tris call to get everyone's attention.  The tables have been set up inside the small shelter, and decorations posted. 

Four: Thank you, everyone, for being here today.  I'm here to promise this woman, Beatrice Prior, that for the rest of my life I will love her and do everything within my power to make her happy.  I'll take care of her and stay with her no matter what fate throws at us.  

Tris (nervously): I stand before you to affirm my love and respect for Tobias Eaton, under any circumstances.  I vow to never waver as we grow old together.  We are young but we're ready and willing to take on marriage (takes his hand) and the world with it. 

At a nod from the groom, Django joins them and addresses Tris. 

Django:  I've been appointed  to stand up here and speak for the family.  My grandson hasn't followed many of the traditional ways, for my people or his father's people, but I am proud of the man he's become.  I'm also proud of the choices he's made for himself, and that includes you.  You are everything he deserves- a capable, kind woman with no room in her heart for anyone but him.  Pretty, too.  (Chuckles)  Tris, we welcome you to the family whole-heartedly.  As of this moment, you are officially one of us. 

Rose-Grace doesn't speak.  There is no need for words.  She points to where the signatures belong and hands Four a pen.  Heedless of his white suit, he kneels and signs with a flourish.  Tris leans carefully, remembering her strapless dress, while she does the same.  

Rose-Grace: For the first time anywhere, I present Tobias and Beatrice Eaton.  (Applause)  And I know it's not part of the legal stuff, but... you may kiss the bride. 

The party begins after a chaste kiss. 

Lynch: I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you.  Sulu and I are having a bit of a dilemma and I was hoping you could give me some insight. 

Rose-Grace: Me?  As a mom or as a wife? 

Lynch:  As a mom and as a black woman, to be frank.  Bobby and Viv are bringing stories home from school that their little sister has a "black-people-hating" name. 

Rose-Grace: What's her name again? 

Lynch: Dixie.  After my grandmother.

Rose-Grace (thoughtful): I can see the problem, especially with you being a cop.  Dixie is the Old South, slavery, Scarlett O'Hara, all those things.  And with so many people thinking that all cops are racist bastards... 

Lynch: We did joke about it sounding like a stripper name, but the race thing escaped us. 

Rose-Grace:  Come by my office tomorrow.   We'll have lunch and talk about this.  I need some time to process what I want to advise you.

Albus and Anakin confess the real reason they accepted their dates' invitation.

Zenobia: Seriously, dude?  You can't shame me with that.  I'll be single forever and a day!

Frodo: It's not my fault I got white boy rhythm from the Dean side of the family!

Zenobia: Seriously, Albus?  You know we're both gonna be single til the grave.

Albus pretends not to notice, even though both the other men laugh.  He'll be wasted later... but not here and now, out of respect for the newlyweds.

Totally staged.  These four ain't fooling anyone.  Well, maybe themselves.

The end.  I mean, the beginning.    

Tris's Bridal Shower

 Note:  Masks in Barbieville are invisible to readers.  

Also some "dirty talk".  Consider yourselves warned.  

Sunburst is closed on Wednesday, but Midna insisted on it being the venue for Tris's bridal shower. 

Tris: I know I insisted on an old-fashioned bridal shower instead of a Bachelorette Party, but now that we're all here, I do have a question for y'all.  Those of you with experience in the area, anyway.  How do I make sure we have a good sex life?  Neither one of us has any clue what we're doing.

 

Zenobia (pretending anger): Oh, I see how you are!  Gotta be a G-rated with the games and decor, but you wanna talk dirty! 

Pern (laughing): I think she's secretly a pervert.

Tris: Seriously.  It's a big deal.  I've been trying to read up on the subject, but... 

Pern: Oh, it's not something you can learn from a book.  I mean, you can learn the biology, but not the stuff you're worried about.  That's personal stuff.

Tris: I've tried to talk to Zenobia about this, but all she ever tells me is to jump his bones.  Esmeralda just keeps saying it'll be fine, but I feel weird pressing his mother for details.  

Zenobia: But here you are, with her sitting right over there. 

Pern: Well, your first time is not gonna be like in the movies.  It's going to be awkward and not real satisfying.  I've never met anyone who had a first time like in the movies.

Tris: Esmeralda did tell us we'll get better with practice. 

Mariko: Communication is the important thing.  (at the others' reaction)  What?  You don't have to be a married mom to know stuff.

Esmeralda: I don't think you've even had a sweetheart in all the time I've known you. 

Whitney: She hasn't.  

Mariko: Sex is just another part of a relationship, and communication is important in any relationship.  You can't expect people to know what you like unless you tell them.  

Violet:  She's right.  (to Mariko)  No offense, but you are the last person I expected that kind of insight from.  

Esmeralda: One thing I always hated is that whole thing, expecting your man to know why you're upset.  This really is just an different version of the idea. (To Mariko)  How did you know that when women my age still haven't figured it out?

Mariko: Osmosis.  My parents are both relationship counselors. Well, psychologists, technically.

Violet (to Tris): Mariko nailed it.  I have nothing to add. 

Esmeralda: Yeah, I don't think anyone can top that.

Zenobia: Now can we do some of these lame party games?  I sweated for hours over a hot printer for these, ya know! 

    

Midna:  Yes, please.  I might have something to contribute in that conversation. 

Zenobia:  The boss has spoken.  (starts to gather materials)  Wait, what?

Many/Mini Family Reunions

Sunburst has reopened for patio dining.  Barbieville followed the CDC guidelines from the start, despite actions taken at the state and federal levels, and as a result there has been very little incidence of the pandemic.  The town is reopening carefully.  (Side note for readers: Masks in Barbieville are invisible.  So says Barbieville's god.)

Brent: I'm glad you made it.  I was worried, especially since Esperanza was sick recently. 

Daisy:  Bertie wasn't about to pass up this job and Esperanza's been cleared by the doctors.  Thanks so much for connecting us to Mr. Darling.

Brent: That was Kyra.  She's determined not to let the personal issues touch on the professional.  He mentioned needing an anchor and she thought of Bertie.  I guess the interview went well? 

Bertie: He called all my references beforehand and grilled them.  The interview was basically him saying "here's what the job is, do you want it?"   My co-anchor is going to be a gal named Becky Weasley.  Do you know her?

Brent:  She just graduated college.  Got the job with WDLC and started house-hunting.  Maybe you and she could do that together.

Daisy: Oh, that might be fun.  We could get to know her better, you know?

Esperanza: I'm going inside to use the restroom.  Be right back.

Bertie (worried): She's not adjusting well at all.  They said her voice may never return to normal.

Daisy: She'll be okay, sweetheart.  We just have to keep reminding her that she can still act and dance. 

Brent: And now that you're here, Uncle Brent can help.  I have connections in this town, you know.  Not that we have much of an entertainment industry here.

Bertie: That amusement park doesn't do shows? 

Brent: They're probably not going to reopen this season.  Not only do we have a pandemic on, the owner just got married.  She's also in the middle of a complete rebranding.  Change of name, new and updated rides, all that jazz.  Maybe in the spring, if Esper still wants to try it. 

Esmeralda gets a surprise at table P2.

Esmeralda: Bapo!  You made it! 

Django: Why do you call me that, girl?  I'm not your grandfather. 

Esmeralda:  The day Four was born, that became your name.  Just like mine became Mom and Marcus's became Dad. 

Django:  We stopped at the house and Kevin said you and Tris were both here.  Are you busy?

Esmeralda: I am, but she's about to go on break.  I'll tell her you're out here. 

After hugs and a quick introduction to Jessie (one of Django's grandchildren and therefore a future cousin-in-law), Tris sits down to eat lunch.

Tris: I wasn't expecting you so early.  (to Jessie) Four's always spoken of you so fondly, I feel like I already know you. 

Jessie: There were... circumstances... behind our coming early.  Bapo's decided to stop wandering and open up a tattoo parlor here, with Four.  I tagged along to get away from a stalker.

Django: Stalker is a very harsh word.  What he is, is a very persistent suitor. 

Jessie: To-may-to, to-mah-to. Know any place that might hire a gal who's handy with a wrench? 

Later, Doll County Paranormal holds an informal meeting at the diner.  

Jeremiah: Jimin, hard at work as usual.  Big case coming up? 

Jimin: Case from Hell.  This woman is neglectful of her children and has a violent police record but is fighting for custody of her children.  

Nova: Charlotte Jackson? 

Jimin (chuckles): I can neither confirm or deny that.  After all the business the buffet lost this year, we really need the money this case is going to pay, but it's been a complete nightmare.

Phoebe: Hey, y'all!  Look who's back in town!  

Kenna:  Yep, got a job at that new TV station.  Bunking with her and Sylvia til I get a place of my own, but Mom and Dad think it's permanent.  I swear we'd all still live at home if they had their way.

Jimin: Welcome back, Kenna.  I've missed you. 

Kenna: She made me carry the research she's been doing on the cove.  This stuff weighs a ton! 

Jeremiah: The paranormal does all kinds of strange things to electronics.  Hard copy, not so much. (laughs) But you're right, a laptop would be easier to carry. 

Nova: Take a seat, ladies.  Put away the custody battle, lawyer boy.

Almost Back To Normal

Taylor and Gabriella take Jenny and Fred to the beach.  It's not very hot out, so there aren't any crowds to worry about.

Fred: Look, it's Four and his mommy and brothers and Tris!  Kin we go say hi?

Taylor: Go on.  Remember the Germ Rules.

Four: Are the twins with you? 

Taylor: No, they're at work.  Painting social distancing reminders on the pavement.  Things like horseshoes in the merry-go-round line. Albus said if they gotta do it, they're gonna have fun with it. 

Esmeralda: I was just sending the boys up to the vending machines.  Would you like something?

Jenny: Do they gots candy bars?

Esmeralda: I already have some of those in my cooler bag.  We're out of drinks, though.

Taylor: Who was that with Kevin? 

Four: Ricky.  Or, as he prefers nowadays, Cedric. Mom told him he has to act the part if he wants to use an adult name.  Whenever he gets whiny, we just revert to calling him Ricky. 

Esmeralda: It's done wonders for his attitude.  

Gabriella: But his name's Richard, isn't it?

Esmeralda:  He didn't want to end up being Dick Eaton, for obvious reasons. Cedric is his middle name.

Taylor: I didn't even recognize him.

Four: My dad and your mom have had both families on lockdown.  You haven't seen him in months.  And, you know, puberty.

Tris: By the way, we talked to Rose-Grace about our wedding.  She said all the law requires is a public declaration of intent and signing the paperwork.  Saves us a lot of drama! 

Four: We're going so untraditional, it ain't even funny. 

Gabriella: Hey, it's your wedding. 

******

Hagrid, the caretaker of Doll County Wilderness Preserve, meets with Animal Control and the vet. 

James: How long have they been out here? 

Hagrid: Can't be more than 24 hours.  They weren't here yesterday.

Charlie: This is a new one on me.  Dogs, cats... but horses?  Why would anyone dump horses out here? 

Hagrid: Same reason they do any other critter.  They're disgusting, selfish idiots.

Charlie: Well, I can't take them to the animal shelter.  (to James)  And yours is a mobile clinic.  But I really don't think it's safe for them to stay here.

James: This is even weirder than you think.  They're perfectly healthy, from what I can tell, and look to be purebreds.  Very valuable animals.  

Hagrid (taking out his phone): I might have a foster home for them.  Let me make a call.

Charlie and James exchange a glance, both willing to bet they know who he's calling.

Mace: I see you managed to contain them.

Hagrid: The filly came along nicely, but those two colts... you gotta watch them.  That spotted one just likes to tease, running away and coming back like a boomerang.

Mace: Angus will be glad for the company.  He misses Silverstream. 

Hagrid: Dr. Potter said he'll be by your place tomorrow to give them a real exam.  You sure you're okay with baby-sitting them? 

Mace: I'm okay with adopting them if it comes to that.  I've  finally got grandkids that are interested in following in my footsteps!   

******

Albus meets with the mayor about Witch's Cove reopening.

Rose-Grace: All these measures look good, but why is she putting off opening until next year?

Albus: To quote her, the place is gonna be a hotbed of germs no matter how many changes we make.  This gives the experts time to cope and it won't break her bank.  Dent it real good, but not break it.  I doubt even Kida realized how well-off she left her girls. 

Rose-Grace: She told me once that she was probably a millionaire. 

Albus: I wouldn't be surprised.  She made money hand over fist and lived simple. 

Rose-Grace: What about the ghost hunt?  Is that still on?

Albus: Oh, yeah.  They're gonna release a joint DVD.  Good press and a bit of profit for both the park and the paranormal team. 

The New Year Brings Beginnings

At the local college, the winter quarter begins.  

Becky: Hey, study buddies.  Ready to start the new quarter?

Phoebe: Sylvia started hers this morning.  Crazy woman took an eight o'clock class. 

Sylvia:  It's a required class, you bonehead.  (To Becky)  How do you know Ben, anyway?  We thought you were another business major, but he said you're in journalism. 

Becky: We're in a support group together, Kin As Parents.  We'd met before that, but KAP was what really made us friends.  

Phoebe: Are you interested in being more than friends?  It's just us girls, you can tell us.

Sylvia: I hope not, because he's gay.  That's why -- 

Phoebe: Stop believing the crap your ex told you.  (To Becky) My sister recently escaped from a cult.  Oops, I mean a bad relationship that might as well have been one. 

Sylvia: Well, if he isn't gay, then why -- (Shuts up when she sees Ben enter the room.)

Ben (laughs at the awkward silence): Talking about me, huh?  Did you have anything juicy to say? 

Becky: You are pretty much the only thing we have in common at this point. 

Ben: Good point.  Besides, if you're talking about me, you're leaving someone else alone. 

Morgan: Welcome to Intro To Paleontology.  I'm Morgan Pike, your instructor.  Today we're just going to go over the syllabus and set some ground rules.

******

At Barbieville City Hall Complex, Rayshawn Lucas puts the next step of his plan into motion.

Rayshawn: Wow.  This is the most casual mayor's office I've ever been in. 

Rose-Grace:  I'll take that as a compliment.  Mr. Lucas, I presume? 

Rayshawn: Yes.  And you must be Ms Pike.  I wanted to discuss my plans for The Point.  Right now, there's an issue with the zoning? 

Rose-Grace: The previous owner was trying to have it rezoned and many of my citizens were against the move.  If you're planning to reopen the motel and campground as it was, zoning won't be a problem. 

Rayshawn: Excellent.  

*****

Jeremiah Russo is moving into his fiancee's rambling old farmhouse, which requires cleaning out unused rooms for his daughters.  Some of his co-workers volunteer to help after work Saturday.

Esmeralda: You're right.  She does look more like a Gypsy fortune-teller than I do.

Jeremiah: It's those earrings.  You don't do the big hoop earrings.

Esmeralda: I never did.  Anyway, put me to work! 

Nova: Neither of these women is Pern.

Jeremiah: Pern's coming.  (Points out his co-workers)  The gal with blue hair is Zenobia Malfoy and the other is Esmeralda Eaton. 

Nova: Zenobia's a Malfoy? Mariko never mentioned that part. 

Jeremiah: He's nothing like her dad, I promise.  How could she be, if she's friends with this bunch? 

Nova: Speaking of this bunch... you can probably guess who they are.  

Jeremiah: How do you tell the twins apart?

Zenobia: Someone got up to some kinky stuff in here.

Nakoma: You got kinky on the brain. When did Esmeralda and Pern switch bodies?

Zenobia: Hey, she volunteered.  Pern had to wait around for Frodo... he got a flat tire and was running late... but she's coming. She said Anakin asked Pocahontas to adopt him?  What's up with that? Your little brother will be your nephew.  

Nakoma: If Pern signs over total custody, it's about the same thing without an actual adoption.  He can even change his name to Smith if they want, but he won't legally be John and Pocahontas's kid. (shakes her head) Kind of hard to explain.  But if they do it, I'm considering asking to do the same, because I'm sick of carrying around Cash's name. 

Tanner: Hey, where's your lazy sons?  Get em in here!

Esmeralda: Only one of my sons is lazy.  

Tough Love Everywhere

In the early morning hours, Pern meets the other members of the Sunburst crew.  

Midna: Before we get started, I want to make a few things known. With Pern's permission, of course.  She's newly sober and wants to stay that way.  She's also new to the work force, so let's be gentle on her at first.

Pern: I can't thank all of you enough for giving me this chance.  This is my second try at living clean, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I promise to make my best effort.

Zenobia: I think I can hold off on the whips and chains until Thursday.  (laughter all around) No, seriously, we'll do our best to help as much as we can.

Esmeralda: But not so much you depend on us.  We can't turn you into a contributing member of society by contributing for you, can we? 

Jason (nods in agreement):  But first we gotta make sure all your paperwork is in order.  I'll take you to Violet. 

Violet: It looks like Midna got all the formalities taken care of.  Normally, I take care -- 

Pern: This is gorgeous artwork.  Did you do it?

Violet: My husband and stepchildren don't celebrate Christmas, so my stepdaughter painted that to replace my Merry Christmas one.  

Pern: She's good.  How old is she?

Violet (sternly): Midna hired you against my advice.  Fresh out of rehab, never worked before...  (smiles) I'd love it if you proved me wrong.  And Samantha is thirteen.  

Pern (confused): Okay?  Would challenge accepted be the wrong thing to say here? 

Violet: Absolutely not.  Now, Jason is waiting for you in the kitchen and I've got inventory to do.  

******

Doll County Courthouse, Judge's chambers

Bonnie: Your honor, the probation office has no objection to the proposed action regarding Draco Malfoy.  All parties involved have agreed to the terms.

Draco: Mother, tell them!  I didn't agree to anything!

Helena: You are a minor.  I agreed in your stead.  

Albus: I already have a list of jobs he can legally do at The Cove.  

Bonnie: I've reviewed that list with Mr. Dumbledore's employer and with Mrs. Malfoy.  It is a bit unusual for the defendant to do community service under the supervision of the plaintiff, but under the circumstances...

Helena: Albus Dumbledore is nearly the only person in the county who can't be swayed by the Malfoy name.  There's a very real concern that anyone else will be and that Draco will not learn the intended lesson.

Judge: Very well then.  We'll make it official in court this afternoon.

*****

As the third graders leave Suzie's classroom at the end of the day, they're a bit surprised to see Anakin coming in.

Roxy: Do you got detention or something?  

Dan: What did you do?

Anakin: I didn't do anything.  I just wanna talk to Mrs. Dean for a minute.  (He waits until they're gone.)  Is that okay, Mrs. Dean?  You said if any of us ever needed advice.... 

Suzie: Of course, Anakin, what's bothering you?  

Anakin settles in at a desk.

It seems like moments later when Nakoma taps on the classroom door.

Nakoma: Roxy told me you needed to talk to Mrs. Dean, kid, but it's been almost half an hour.  

Anakin: Oh, sorry.  (to Suzie) Thanks for talking to me.  Sometimes it helps to have somebody not, you know, family to talk to.

Suzie: I understand.  If you need to talk some more, I'll run your sister off.

Anakin: No, I'm gonna do what you said.  I think it's a good idea.

Anakin stops to hug her on the way out.