Questions Asked

 The Private Investigator meets with Albus and Pern in her apartment.  He's trying to gather information on Cash Nedakh, the long absent father of Pocahontas, Nakoma, and Anakin Smith. 

Albus:  Sad to say, I was the one who introduced him to Kida. I tried to warn her that he was no good, but she wouldn't believe me until it was too late.  I saw him play his game in towns all across the country when we were working as carnies.  

PI: Kida had bought out the carnival, correct?  This was the start of the amusement park that stands today?

Albus: Yes, and she offered us both jobs.  Cash realized she was not only wealthy, but Indian.. sorry, Native American.  He zeroed in on her like I did enemy camps back in the war.   He had a real thing for "squaws" - his word, not mine.  

Pern:  My story's pretty much the same as Kida's.  He never married me, though.  I guess you needed a bankroll to get the ring. When I first met the girls, I was shocked that he'd not only married their mother, but stuck around for ten years.  He skipped out on me five minutes after I told him I was pregnant. 

PI:  You have not seen or heard from him since?  Neither of you? 

Albus: I'm a pacifist, but if I saw him again, I'd probably be in prison right now.  He broke Kida's heart and deserted two children. Weird thing is, he didn't empty the bank accounts on his way out of town.  

****

Across town, Federal agent Carol pays a call to the police chief.   

Carol: There's a detective sniffing around for Cash Nedakh.  

Lynch: I heard a rumor to that effect.  He could have been hired by another scorned mother.  Anakin already came out of the wood work and I really wouldn't be surprised if there are more out there. 

Carol: Or he could be working for the people he went into Witness Protection to avoid.  We allowed him to come here only because he refused to help in the case unless we did, and it's a major investigation.  

Lynch:  I suppose the people on your end are trying to find out who his client is? 

Carol: We are.  But I need you to keep and eye on this detective.  He's already spoken to the Smith sisters and he's got interviews set up all over town. 

*****

At Helena House, renovation work has paused while the County Oversight Committee investigates.

Lex:  Let me get this straight.  You, Dionne, are the mayor's niece.  What are your qualifications for this position?

Dionne: I'll be happy to give you a detailed resume.  Most women with my background would laugh at the idea of doing this for the agreed wages, but this has been a pet project of mine and Rose-Grace's since I was in high school.  

Maisie:  I was in and out of foster homes all my life.  Dionne talked to her aunt about the problems I was having, hoping to help me since at the time Rose-Grace was working with Children's Services. They bonded over a desire to reshape the foster care system. 

Lex:  You're a law student, correct? 

Maisie: I'll give you a copy of my resume, as well.  I'm here more as advisor than anything else.  

Zenobia: And everything is above-board with my donation of the house.  I made certain of that because I don't want to give my father a leg to stand on when he comes after me for squandering his money.  I asked Mrs. Pike if the town could use the manor for something and she accepted my offer.

*****

Later that evening, Mace sits down with the investigator.

Mace: Rosie was a teenager when she worked for Kida Nedakh.  She joined the military after graduating, to get the college fund, so she wasn't here in town when Cash vanished.  Took leave as soon as she could, though.

PI: Kida considered Rose-Grace her best friend, even though there was a sizable age difference.  

Mace:  Rosie felt the same way.  Kida was matron of honor at both Rosie's weddings, but she died before the little twins were born.  

PI: Did either you or your daughter know him well? 

Mace: No.  We traveled in different circles, as they say, and he gave Rosie the creeps. She avoided him unless Kida was in the same... 

Suddenly the entire house shakes.  They can hear glass breaking and the cries of frightened children.

******

Breaking news: The small town of Barbieville, on the south shore of Muneca Lake, was hit by an earthquake.  The upstream dam gave way and flooded the low-lying areas of town.  Rescue efforts are underway.  

(Flood photos from the Internet.) 

The Fed Gets Acclimated

 

 Agent Carol Danvers (The Fed) catches up on things.  Chief Lynch leaves her to it, but remains available for questions. 

Lynch: My husband's on the way with lunch.  I told him to bring something for you, too.  

Carol: Thanks.  I can see why you were reluctant to trust the County, after the debacle with Glimma Spiro.  Do you think Charlie Lake was honest with you about her investigation? 

Lynch: The powers that be in the county are crazy for publicity, but after the whole Spiro thing, they've been better at sharing information.  We have her file on the Animal Abandonment, but I've not seen them.  They just aren't a priority with two murders on my desk.  

Carol: So you don't think there's a connection? 

Lynch: Not after Helena.  If there is one, I can't find it.  Both women were... well, I phrased it on my list there as strong personalities.  Which reminds me (checks time) that I have a person of interest coming.  She tangled with both victims, but mostly Helena. 

Charlotte: Seriously?  You think I killed those two? 

Lynch: You do have a contentious history with both of them, but especially Helena Malfoy. Why don't you tell us about that? 

Charlotte: You already know the story with Helena.  Charlie Lake started in on me after I made an honest mistake.  I saw a man who I mistook for my brother-in-law, pointing a telescope at my penthouse, and confronted him. 

Lynch: Rubeus Hagrid, who also works for Doll County Parks.  (To Carol)  It turned out that Mr. Hagrid is, in fact, distantly related to the brother-in-law, but the telescope was only pointed toward Mrs. Jackson's building coincidentally. There's a very strong resemblance, apparently.

Charlotte: I'm going through a custody battle.  I thought he was spying on me. But even after my lawyer sorted everything out and all was forgiven, Charlie Lake would not let it go.  She never failed to make a snide remark if we met, and we did often.  

Carol: Such as? 

Charlotte: She asked me if I'd slapped any more total strangers.  She made it a point to splash with her sons in the pool at the country club, near where I was sitting.  Things like that. Deliberately baiting me, you know.  I just ignored her as best I could.

Carol: And what's the story with Helena Malfoy?  I'm new here, and I don't know it. 

Charlotte: She bullied me horribly when we were children, her son destroyed property I owned, my husband is a coma patient and one of Helena's daughters is a volunteer there.  I had to tell the hospital to keep her away from Billy for fear she'd do something to him. 

Carol: The daughter might do something?  Or Helena?

Charlotte: Helena would be behind it, of course, but she wouldn't dirty her own hands.  She'd make the daughter do it.  

By the time Charlotte leaves, Sulu has arrived with lunch.  

After lunch.

Carol: Usually, if a civilian discovers the identity of a client, we move him.  But Mr. Higgins will only work with us on the condition that he stays in Barbieville.

Pern: Sounds just like him.   

Carol: From what I've gathered, he came back here to woo his first wife but discovered she had passed away in the meantime.  I'm not sure why he's still insisting on being here. 

Pern: Yeah, he never did get over Kida.  Talked about her all the time, but never mentioned his daughters until I got pregnant.  He told me then that he had kids with her, that was why he left her, and he wanted me to get rid of Anakin.  I told him to get the hell out, then, and he did.  Next time I saw him was here, at the mayor's office.

Carol:  After the agent before me thought he could simply kick the man out of the program.  It was the only thing the mayor and chief could think to do, to keep the people after him away.  They couldn't risk you exposing him. 

Pern: I'm a great secret-keeper.  And after all the hate I got for being a junkie, moving here has been a godsend.  I'd hate for anything to happen to the people here.  Hank Higgins refused to eat at Sunburst when he found out they had a junkie for a cook, that's the official story. 

Carol: I'm impressed.  None of this bears on the hit-and-run cases, but since I'm apparently "his man" in the agency, I needed to know your status.

After Pern goes, they turn to the Animal Abandonment files from Charlie Lake's office. 

Carol (reading from computer): This video is edited together from doorbell cameras along Roberts Street.  Properties on that road meet the nature preserve at the rear.  See notes for specific contacts.

Lynch: That's not our SUV. 

Carol: Definitely not.

 

Tris's Bridal Shower

 Note:  Masks in Barbieville are invisible to readers.  

Also some "dirty talk".  Consider yourselves warned.  

Sunburst is closed on Wednesday, but Midna insisted on it being the venue for Tris's bridal shower. 

Tris: I know I insisted on an old-fashioned bridal shower instead of a Bachelorette Party, but now that we're all here, I do have a question for y'all.  Those of you with experience in the area, anyway.  How do I make sure we have a good sex life?  Neither one of us has any clue what we're doing.

 

Zenobia (pretending anger): Oh, I see how you are!  Gotta be a G-rated with the games and decor, but you wanna talk dirty! 

Pern (laughing): I think she's secretly a pervert.

Tris: Seriously.  It's a big deal.  I've been trying to read up on the subject, but... 

Pern: Oh, it's not something you can learn from a book.  I mean, you can learn the biology, but not the stuff you're worried about.  That's personal stuff.

Tris: I've tried to talk to Zenobia about this, but all she ever tells me is to jump his bones.  Esmeralda just keeps saying it'll be fine, but I feel weird pressing his mother for details.  

Zenobia: But here you are, with her sitting right over there. 

Pern: Well, your first time is not gonna be like in the movies.  It's going to be awkward and not real satisfying.  I've never met anyone who had a first time like in the movies.

Tris: Esmeralda did tell us we'll get better with practice. 

Mariko: Communication is the important thing.  (at the others' reaction)  What?  You don't have to be a married mom to know stuff.

Esmeralda: I don't think you've even had a sweetheart in all the time I've known you. 

Whitney: She hasn't.  

Mariko: Sex is just another part of a relationship, and communication is important in any relationship.  You can't expect people to know what you like unless you tell them.  

Violet:  She's right.  (to Mariko)  No offense, but you are the last person I expected that kind of insight from.  

Esmeralda: One thing I always hated is that whole thing, expecting your man to know why you're upset.  This really is just an different version of the idea. (To Mariko)  How did you know that when women my age still haven't figured it out?

Mariko: Osmosis.  My parents are both relationship counselors. Well, psychologists, technically.

Violet (to Tris): Mariko nailed it.  I have nothing to add. 

Esmeralda: Yeah, I don't think anyone can top that.

Zenobia: Now can we do some of these lame party games?  I sweated for hours over a hot printer for these, ya know! 

    

Midna:  Yes, please.  I might have something to contribute in that conversation. 

Zenobia:  The boss has spoken.  (starts to gather materials)  Wait, what?

Smiths Happen

John waits nervously as the music begins.  The day he's wanted for so long is finally here! 

Best Man Sulu and Maid of Honor Midna seem to take forever to march down the aisle and join him at the front.  Mayor Rose-Grace Pike forces herself not to grin when Sulu winks at her. 

Nakoma and Anakin follow suit, although they do move a bit faster.  John suspects Midna and Sulu went so slow just to prolong his torture.

Roxy (whispering): Kelly, ring bearer stands on Daddy's side. 

Kelly: No way! I ain't no boy! 

As the music swells, Pocahontas pauses before making her entrance.

Albus: Take the bouquet and go claim that man for yourself.

Pocahontas: I wish Mom was here. 

Albus: Kida's here.  She's just disguised as an old man. 

Finally, John stands before his bride.  It took way too long to get here.

Rose-Grace: Who gives this woman in marriage? 

Albus: In her mother's stead, I bless this woman's choice to give herself in marriage. 

Instead of removing "obey" from her traditional vows, they add it to his.  Then the kiss, a rather chaste one despite Sulu's previous urging to make it sexy.  

Rose-Grace: It is my honor to introduce, for the first time ever, John and Pocahontas Smith. 

Sulu: I've known John pretty much all my life.  We practically lived at each other's houses from second grade on.  Pocahontas was always there, too.  We were like the Three Musketeers.

Pocahontas: Or the three stooges.

Sulu (pointedly ignoring her, but waits for laughter to subside):  There was, shall we say, a large bump in the road on the way to this day.  There were times I doubted it would happen, I won't lie, but here we are.  John, my brother from another mother, you deserve every bit of the happiness ahead of you.  And all the butt-kicking that girl's served out - past and future.

Midna: I know it's bad form to bring it up, but I went to college with a broken-hearted gal.  She poured herself into her studies, determined to keep her mother's dream alive despite the fact that her own had evaporated.  I was prepared to hate John.  Instead, I became his biggest cheerleader.  Fate has given John and Pocahontas a second chance.  As deeply as they love one another, they'd be fools to let it go.

Pocahontas: Thank you so much, Albus.  Ever since Dad walked out on us, I planned to do the father/daughter dance with Mom.  You're the closest thing I have now. 

Albus: I've never been happier that she cussed me out for trying to warn her about that guy.  

When the time comes for the groom to dance with his mother, John shocks everyone by cajoling Pern into the spotlight.  Her cheeks nearly as pink as her hair, she joins him.

John: My mother passed away a few years ago and I don't have an Albus.  I chose to honor Pernilla today because she's given me quite a precious gift.  We have full legal custody of Pern's son, my brother-in-law Anakin, who has even taken my surname. 

Nakoma (muttering): Don't do it, John.  

Midna: What? 

Roxy: You don't want nobody to know your name is Smith now, too?

Nakoma: Today is about John and my sister, okay?  It isn't about me or my loser father.

John doesn't do it.  Probably because he was warned beforehand.

 

Midna Takes One For The Team

Violet: As your business manager, I have to object to your advertising a competitor's business, but as a citizen of Barbieville, I understand.  Strange times we're living in. 

Midna: I figure the Changs need the little bit of profit still coming in more than I do.  I'm more upset about doing this to my employees than I am about any hit my pocketbook's gonna take.  

Violet:  Are the Changs doing all right?  Aside from the money, there's so many people blaming this on Asians and Chinese in particular.  

Midna: Well, I guess any racists in Barbieville get to cook for themselves or starve. I vote for starve.

Violet (laughs): You're an evil woman, Midna Sunburst. 

After finally getting into and registering at the Unemployment website, Pern browses free on-line courses.  Knowledge has become Pern's new drug of choice, a vast improvement over her last one!

Nova: Mariko?  Why are you here? 

Mariko: Sunburst is closed for the duration.  I was almost to work when Midna called, so I just turned around and followed Jeremiah home.

Nova: We'll muddle through somehow.  We always do.

Jeremiah: Alex, one of us needs to use your computer while the other uses the family room one.  We hear it's a nightmare to get into Unemployment's website.  You got anything on it you don't want us seeing?

Alex: Not that I can think of.  Why not have Mariko use mine, just in case? 

Jeremiah: Good plan.  She's not your dad.

Nova: Hurry back.  We're doing cornrows.  Lottie's upstairs admiring hers.   We'll do yours, too.  

Frodo: I guess your mom told you we're out of work for a while? 

Four: Yeah.  I was just getting ready to whip Finnick on COD.  You in? 

Frodo: Sure.  Let me pry my little brother off of Youtube.  

Zenobia: Welcome to Openly Biased.  My roomie and I are both out of work due to COVID-19, so my content will be a little different for a while.  We'll talk about current events, of course, but my only guest will probably be Miss Tris here, and we'll share what we're up to! 

Tris: Tomorrow's topic will be "alternatives to pitching your device out the window while trying to apply for Unemployment".

Whitney (sobbing):  What am I gonna do, Mom?  

Kyra:  Honey, it's not that bad.  You aren't paying rent or anything. 

Whitney: Dad just moved into town and this was my chance to show him.  I'm carrying good grades, working a job, and taking care of Wilma.  Everything he's been saying about me is wrong. Now I'm unemployed and not going to school. 

Kyra: You were laid off because of something you have no power over.  You are still doing your schoolwork.  And you don't have anything to prove to Meanie Grandpa, Whitney.  He wrote you off and that's his loss. 

Whitney (still crying, but not as hard): It still hurts so bad, though. 

Kyra: I know, sweetheart, I know.  He wrote me off, too. 

Sex, Drugs, and... Remodeling

At Barbieville Middle School, the day begins. 

Alex: I appreciate all the advice, but I really don't think it will be rough adjusting.  For one thing, I'm going to have my own room to hide in if it gets crazy.  

Hermione: It was all the boys in the house I had to get used to.  

Samantha: Having a stepsister is a godsend for me.  Raven has helped me so much since Charmaine did what she did.  (laughs) And now they've moved out of town, so I don't even have to look at her! 

Alex: Still gotta look at the piece of crap she did it for, though. 

Samantha: He's not to blame for her actions.  (Waves dismissively in Draco's direction.)  I heard your dad's team finally got a chance to investigate Witch's Cove?  

Alex: Yeah, and it was Pocahontas's idea!  I think he's more excited about that than the wedding!

Gabriella: ...then Charlotte told Courtney nobody cares and Mom said "Keep your mouth off my children."  

Taylor: No wonder y'all come to my house so much.  Beside helping your dad with the remodel, you can get away from that hag.  

Gabriella: Have you heard anything from Candy?

Taylor: No, and it's been over a week.  We're starting to really get worried.

Draco: You know, a decent school doesn't teach this stuff to boys and girls in the same room. 

Nancy: You and I have very different ideas of what a decent school does.  (Draco rolls his eyes.) If you have parental consent, you can turn in your book and take a study hall.  Do you have parental consent? 

Draco: You know I don't. 

Nancy: I suggest you discuss your discomfort with your parents.  In the meantime, please keep your complaints to yourself.  

*******

Pern is walking home from work when Pocahontas calls her over to a table in the park. 

Pern: I knew this was going to happen.  That you'd make me say it. 

Pocahontas: Pern, I'm not going to do this without your okay.  You've surprised me, to be frank, with your drive to stay off the drugs.  I really don't want to hurt you. 

Pern: It's just so hard to admit I failed that badly as a mom.  

Pocahontas: I'm sure it hurts.  I'm sorry.  

Pern (crying softly): But it'd be a bigger failure to stand in the way of what's best for him.  

Pocahontas:  You'll still be in his life.  Hell, if John's the mom and I'm the dad, you can be the doting aunt.  We've all come to love you, Pern.  Warts and all. 

********

At Windu Acres, Joe's short break is interrupted.

Mace: Did you have to make mine the ugliest room in the house? 

Joe: Hey, you left it up to Rose-Grace.  She told me to use repurposed materials from my warehouse.  Not my fault they ended up being contrasting patterns.  

Mace: I'm just messing with you.  It's actually kinda bohemian.  Makes me wanna invite Albus over and smoke some weed. 

Joe: I donated a few horse prints.  I'm a city boy, barely know one end of a horse from the other.

Mace: Thanks.  Hey, what say we go to Sunburst for lunch?  My treat. I can teach you which end is which. 

Any Requests?

Rayshawn Lucas came to Barbieville with a business proposition for his old colleague Billy's wife.  She insists on the most casual meeting ever.

Rayshawn: Went by the hospital to check on Billy.  He's looking good, all things considered.

Charlotte: Yes, his care has been excellent.  I honestly didn't expect him to last this long.   How long will you be in town? 

Rayshawn: I hope to be here long-term.  I want to buy you out on that lake front property. 

Charlotte: The Point? Oh, no, it is not for sale.  That's the first of the nails in this town's coffin. 

Rayshawn: What you're doing with that property is undermining everything else you're trying to do.  Losing money hand over fist is not gonna convince anyone to give you custody of your kids - or their trust funds.  In fact, you could lose everything.  

Charlotte: How do you figure that? 

Rayshawn: According to my estimates, you've already lost half a million on it.  The legal fights over zoning alone ate up most of that.  Factor in loss of revenue from a functional RV park, property taxes, all those things...  You've got a very expensive millstone around your neck.

Charlotte: You have no idea what I'm trying to do.

Rayshawn: You're trying to crush this town for wrongs of the past and keep your pretty little hands on Mary and Max's inheritance.  You'll be much better off - and get a better revenge - if you act as a savvy and rational business woman.  But this thing with The Point is neither savvy nor rational. 

Charlotte: You may be right.  Buy up the town bit by bit...  they'd rent from me, work for me, everything.  Rayshawn, you are a genius!  I could own them all.  

Rayshawn: First step, sell me that property.  Spin the tale somehow to make you look good.  

******

A very different sort of meeting is happening at the county seat, in the probation office.

Draco: I did my community service.  Are we done here?

Helena: Apparently not, if that's all the respect you have.  (To Bonnie) It doesn't appear my son's learned his lesson, Ms Carson. Any suggestions? 

Albus: He's done what the courts said he had to, Helena, but certainly you can volunteer him for more.  I can get you a list of homeless shelters, food pantries... 

Bonnie: Albus is right.  Once I enter this data into the system, Draco's obligation to the courts is fulfilled.  However, a bit of volunteer work with the less fortunate would do him no harm.  (To Draco) You've been very fortunate.  Don't mistake that for anything you deserve. 

Draco: Look, you ginger bim-- (Helena claps a hand over his mouth, and not very gently.)

Bonnie: If you'll send my next appointment in, Mrs. Malfoy? 

Helena leads Draco out, hand still over his mouth.

Albus (pauses in the doorway): Doctor Malfoy.  She has a PhD. 

Bonnie's next appointment is Pern.  

Bonnie: Everything looks good.  You're working, attending sobriety meetings.  Even got a fellow from the group a job at Sunburst?  Very nice.

Pern: Turns out, his fiancee is the aunt of one of our servers!  You should have seen her face when she realized who the new day cook was! 

Bonnie: I do have to tell you, it's quite unusual for an adult to bring relatives in with her.

Anakin: Oh, that's my fault, Ms Carson.  I wanted to ask Mommy and Pocahontas something, but I want you to hear.  You can give us advice about it, I think.

Anakin (to Pern): I been thinking about what can help you get better and I think I know something that is best for everyone, but I'm scared you're going to get upset when I tell you.  I don't want you to think I hate you or anything like that. 

Pern: I promise to hear you out, even if it upsets me.  

Anakin: I want Pocahontas and John to adopt me. 

Monday, Monday

Very early Monday morning, Violet arrives at Sunburst to find odd activity.  

Violet: Did you fire me and forget to tell me? 

Midna: Don't be silly.  I,m just getting a head start for you on looking for a new day cook.  

Pern: We found a note taped to the front door when we got here. Apparently Jason got a really good job offer and had to go immediately. 

Violet (angry): He couldn't be bothered to call? 

Midna (to Pern): Is this your friend?

Pern: Yes.  And don't worry, he's been sober for fifteen years.  

Midna (reading the application): He worked at The Point almost that long.  Excellent references.

Pern: Charlotte Jackson did him real dirty.  No severance pay, nothing.  He's got two kids to support and is planning a wedding.  

Violet: I'm going to be insubordinate and order the owner into the kitchen.  Take Pern with you while I make the needed calls.  

*****
Early afternoon sees Joe Montez meeting with Pike.

Joe: You know, you keep giving me work, I might have to hire actual help instead of enlisting my children.  What do you have in mind now? 

Pike: We were having trouble fitting in that house before Orlando and Samara arrived.  We've decided to see what we can do with the biggest combo bathroom and laundry room on the planet.  I drew you a rough plan of our ideas.

Joe: I can already see a couple of issues we'll need to work around.  You just thinking more bedrooms? 

Pike: Actually, one of the things we'd like to do is put in a small studio.  The boys are still heavy into their band even if they do have more realistic career goals now. 

Joe: When can I come over, get a good look at the space?

Pike: If we aren't home, Mace is there.  He only goes back to his apartment to sleep.  Show up at dinner time and we'll even feed you.

****

Speaking of Mace.  

Mace: What are you doing here?  Come over to seduce me? 

Candy (laughs): You wish, old man.  (to Angus) Isn't it too cold out here for you? 

Mace: He loves the snow.  It is too cold for Silver Stream.  Her breed isn't as hardy as Angus's.

Candy: Speaking of breeding, you know the kids want a colt.

Mace: I've heard a rumor to that effect.  Seriously, though, why are you here?  

Candy: Came to see the kids when they get home.  I'm leaving on assignment this evening.

Candy is waiting inside when the kids get home and they gather around, even the ones that don't share her blood. 

Tanner: The Middle East?  Again?

Candy: I'm a photojournalist, son.  I have to go where the news is happening. 

Fred: Are you going where there's bombs, Mommy?  Dr. Marcus went to a bomb place and his leg came off.  What if your leg comes off? 

Candy: I'll be very careful.  And Marcus does okay without his leg. 

Fred: I will get Four to teach me how he helps his daddy, just in case.  

Stacie: Aren't you scared, Mommy?

Candy: True bravery is going on even though you're scared.  Gotta keep the world informed, right?

Nikki: She'll be okay, guys.  She always is. 

Finnick: That's the spirit.