Here Comes The Grooms

 Oksana hurries into the venue on a very important mission.

Oksana: Now, don't forget.  Grampy Dean and them got stucked in a blizzard, so they gotta watch on my tablet.  Make sure you got it pointed the right way and... 

Bonnie:  I'll take that, Ox.  Don't worry.  The Mellarks are in good hands. 

Oksana: OK.  Daddy P said he's gonna be really mad if you mess up! 

Bonnie: As he should be. 

Peeta and Ken come down separate aisles, Peeta accompanied by Oksana and Ken by Tommy.  

Wilma:  Oh, Mommy, look... 

Whitney (covering Wilma's mouth and whispering) This is why I had to talk them into letting you come.  You have to be quiet. 

Peeta spares a sad glance at the empty seats his family should be in, nearly stumbling over Oksana as he does.  He hopes no one noticed.  

Tanner and Finnick stand at the front, acting as Best Man for each of the grooms.  Mayor Rose-Grace Pike acts as officiant.   The ceremony is simple, an exchange of the traditional vows.  Oksana keeps a close eye one her aunt Bonnie, making sure Grampy Dean's family can see. 

Finnick:  Tanner designated me to make a speech for both of us, since I "do sappy stuff" better and since we have the same story.  Ken was the first person to befriend the new kids to town.  (pause) It was never a secret that Peeta was gay. Peeta says that's because he's Jewish and used to being persecuted, but really it's just that Ken's a bit of a wuss.  Took Ken almost three years to let us in on his secret.  He was afraid we'd run screaming for the hills, which was pretty stupid of him.

Ken:  Yeah, it was. 

Finnick: We were glad when  they finally hooked up after all the times we'd advised them to.  In the wise words of Frodo Dean (nods at Frodo) "You ain't gonna find anyone more compatible ever."   Some folks will say they're too young to marry, but those people do not know Peeta and Ken.  (toasts them)  Now, a few words from Miss Oksana Carson-Mellark.  Or is it Mellark-Carson?

Oksana: Just Carson.  My daddies decided that was easier.  (deep breath) The orphan house lady told me I was gonna have two daddies and I said "WHAT?" I didn't even know that sometimes boys marry boys!  Then my friend Vash got dopted by two mommies!  Anyways... I'm super happy to see my new daddies get married and promise to be a good daughter as much as I can.  Now it's Grammy Doreen's turn.

Doreen: I met Dean Mellark went he came to work at the school.  We bonded over both having been recently widowed and were happy when our sons became fast friends.  We were both delighted - if a bit surprised, to be honest - when they started dating and now I'm standing here making a speech for both of us at our boys' wedding. Now, let's stop talking and start celebrating! 

Mrs. Moneybags At Pride

 Rayshawn hosts a day at the privately funded Pride Event, held for the second year by Zenobia Malfoy.  This gives him a chance to get acquainted with the families of his prospective brides... at least, the ones with family in town.  Doreen's goes first.

Tommy: It will be so cool if we end up being stepbrothers!  Do you think your dad would adopt us?  Can you adopt grownups? 

Marty: I'd get two brothers and a sister just like that - BAM.   

Tommy: And Peeta.  Someday he's gonna be a brother in law.  Not sure about Jimin, he's pretty new. 

Rayshawn: If your mom wins this thing, would any of you be interested in going to work at The Point?  She says she intends to continue to teach, but her weekends and summers are negotiable. 

Bonnie: Absolutely not.  I have a career at the Probation Office.  

Ken: I don't see why not, if it doesn't get in the way of school.  I plan to be a teacher like Mom.  

Peeta: Does that offer include in-laws?  (To Doreen)  Yes, we're finally getting around to planning a wedding.  

*****

Next, he meets Gwen's sister and niece.

Rallee: Before you ask... no, I will not work at The Point.  I busted my butt to be Superintendent of Schools and plan to stay on track to better education for as many kids as possible.  

Gwen: She's gonna be Secretary of Education someday, just watch.  If not President.  

Rallee: President?  (laughs) Can you imagine?

Rayshawn: Actually, I can.  Gwen speaks very highly of you, and so does almost everyone else in this town.  

Rallee: Well, I speak just as highly of her.  Gwen's been my rock, all my life.   

Marty: So you might be my cousin soon.  I don't know what to do with a cousin. 

Luna: Neither do I!  (both laugh) It's always just been the three of us, ever since I can remember.  My grandparents died when I was a baby and my dad ran off before I was born.  

****

After lunch, it's time for the Hernandez clan. Charlotte shows up with them, having taken Esperanza under her wing.

Daisy: We wouldn't come to work for you, no.  Bertie is an anchor on the local news and I'm happy at the grocery store.  Besides, we wouldn't want to meddle in Esper's marriage.  

Rayshawn: That's not a bad policy, generally speaking.  My first marriage was a disaster because meddling is all her family did.  They're having fits now because I kept Marty for the summer, said I should just do this on my own and Marty would have to live with my choice. 

Bertie: As unorthodox as this is, I applaud your including the boy.  He's going to have to live with the woman, he should have some say in the matter.  

*****

Rayshawn takes Esperanza on a carriage ride, as he's done with each lady after meeting the family.  Charlotte's sister finds her sitting alone after Bertie and Daisy leave.

Charlotte: Why are you carrying that child?  Her legs work.

Batgirl: She's exhausted.  If I stood her up right now, she'd just crumble to the ground.

Jenny: Wainbow Day makes me sweepy. 

Batgirl: I saw the camera crew following the carriage.  Mace didn't look happy about it.  

Charlotte: I really don't understand Rayshawn's priorities.  For one thing, why is Martin getting a vote?  He's a child!  And there's been no romancing of the women... it's almost like he's interviewing them for a job. 

Batgirl: Well, I imagine it's hard to romance anyone with a camera crew over your shoulder.  And in a sense, courtship is a job interview.  If Joe hadn't met my requirements for a husband, I wouldn't be with him now. 

Charlotte: You and I have very different requirements for a husband, clearly.  

******

Rayshawn joins Charlotte before his time with Sally and Seven.

Rayshawn: What do you think?  

Charlotte: I'm still stuck on Rallee Jones as a government figure.  With her half-shaved head and bastard daughter?  Seriously? 

Rayshawn: You have a bastard of your own, if memory serves. 

Charlotte: I do not!  Billy adopted Christopher! 

Rayshawn: What about the Carsons?  The only one of them unwilling to help was Bonnie, and she had good reason. Marty's already friends with Tommy, too.

Charlotte:  Dullest family ever.  And I don't even think those boys are really gay - they certainly don't act like it. Holding hands... big deal.

Rayshawn: Well, your pet's mothers weren't exactly slobbering all over each other, and none of them want to work at The Point.  Not even Esperanza - she thinks she's going to be a star.  (melodramatic gesture) I'm not even sure how that girl came from Bertie and Daisy, honestly, they're so grounded.

*****

Since neither of the two remaining ladies have family nearby to meet, Rayshawn takes each of them on an extra long carriage ride and discuss the matter.

Marty: Hey, look, Sally, we match! 

Sally: Yes, we do.  (To Rayshawn) Honestly, I don't understand.  You allow him to play with girl toys and wear girl clothes and now we're at a Pride Rally.  Is he gay?  Do you want him to be? 

Rayshawn: Do you have a problem with gays?  

Sally: It's just not natural.  If men were intended to be with men, children would result.  It's like a cat mating with a dog or something. 

Marty: Boys and girls do lots of stuff that don't make babies.  (starts to list them, beginning with condoms, but Rayshawn hushes him)  So, Sally... do you come from a big family? 

Sally: I do.  We all work with livestock, in some form.  None of them would be willing to confine themselves to living or working in town like this, but I can't do that anymore and must find something! 

Rayshawn: None of your family can take you in? 

Sally: No one has room for dead weight. Why, I can't even work as a flag girl at the rodeo anymore, not with my face disfigured.  My only option is to find a husband who doesn't mind that. I'm a great cook.  I'll make a good wife. 

******

Seven's turn!

As they start out, Tierra runs over.

Tierra: Thank you so much, Rayshawn!  I got the best job from your friend!  (to Seven)  She owns an amusement park and wanted to bring in costumed characters, maybe a little show or two... and I'm totally in charge of that!  

Rayshawn: I hoped you could work with them.  Not exactly Broadway, but it pays good and you can keep your dignity. 

Tierra: Yes! Some women like (glances at Marty) exotic dancing, but not me.  The theater I was interning at got mad when I said I was staying in Barbieville, but I gotta do what I gotta do! 

Seven: I'm so happy for her!  And you - a lot of men would've just rejected her and shipped her off. 

Rayshawn: I rejected her as a wife, not as a person.  Remember, I did ship off Reggie V.

Marty: She was so stuck up, she probably thinks she rejected you. 

Seven:  Well, I guess you want to hear about my family, since that's today's focus.  I've got 3 siblings. We've all got diplomas, but there was no money for college. We all went right to work.  Some of us even worked before graduating.  We're all single, no kids. 

Rayshawn: What about your parents? 

Seven: Nasty divorce, a long time ago.  None of us have much to do with either of them, honestly, because it's constant rant about how horrible the other parent is.  Just toxic. 

Marty: Do you like gay people? 

Seven: I would have refused to come here today if I had a problem with anyone represented by this festival.  (glances at Rayshawn) Is that part of today's test? 

Rayshawn:  It wasn't originally.  I made the mistake of assuming anyone who participated in something like this was pretty open-minded.   

For The Children

Jimin starts his work day with checking e-mails, but it isn't long before his appointments start arriving.  

Jimin:  I have good news.  We have a prospect for you.  Take a look at the file and see what you think.

Lynch: A boy?!  Bobby will be thrilled.

Sulu (reading from the file):  We specified children of Asian heritage. It's nice to have the kid at least kind of look like us.  People can be so rude.  This boy is, what, Cheyenne?  Sioux?  

Jimin: He's Vietnamese by blood, but his parents taught at the reservation school.  

Lynch (to Sulu): Let me see that file.  

*****

Jimin barely gets the calls made from the Sulu case when his next client comes in.

Charlotte: You aren't going to believe this.  Kayden had extensive plastic surgery, for no apparent reason, and I'm pretty sure he dipped into Mary and Max's money to do it.  You have got to speed this up.  It's taken so long already.

Jimin: Mrs. Jackson, I've told you, none of the money belongs to any of your children or stepchildren.  Their father is still alive and the money is still tied up in his businesses. The only personal use money coming from Billy Senior is your personal allowance.  

Jimin: I sent our proposal to their lawyer - Kayden can have custody as long as, in the event of their father's death, the share of the inheritance intended for Mary goes into trust until Mary's twenty-first birthday.  Same deal with Max's share.

Charlotte: Kayden will never agree to that.  He only wants them for their money.  And to spite me.

Jimin: We will deal with his refusal when it happens.

*****

Before Jimin realizes the time, his lunch date arrives.

Bonnie: Don't tell me.  The Jackson case? 

Jimin: She's such a nightmare.  (glares at the fax machine) I'm still waiting for a response, but apparently her stepson has to discuss everything at length with his brothers before telling the lawyer what to do. 

Bonnie: How many brothers are there?

Jimin: The old man had two sons and adopted hers, so three adult.  The minors they're fighting over came along after the marriage.  Older boys think she married the guy for his money, but she seems genuinely fond of him.  

Bonnie:  Both sides think the other is after the kids' share of the money?  And Dad is still alive.

Jimin: If you want to call that living.  Poor dude is in a coma. 

*Charlotte's children live in the Facebook Page "Our Toy Story".  Album name is Nearly Famous.*

Digging For Clues

 The investigation continues.

Iggy: I tagged along with PJ to tell you about this guy Mom dated.  He's the main reason I moved in with Dad, and then Mom got smart and dumped him.  Apparently, she thought I was the problem but after I was gone, she realized it was all him. 

PJ: That guy would have no reason to kill Helena, though.

Iggy: Unless she was a witness.  

Lynch: Anything's possible.  I'll take a formal statement from you after I clarify a few things with your stepmother.  (To PJ)  You mentioned that Charlie took issue with some of your parenting methods? Was that a problem? 

PJ: Charlie had a right to say something about the boys, being their mother, but I felt she over-stepped when my girls were concerned.  For example, I was arguing with Belle about dating.  I think she's too young, but Charlie recited that vulgar rhyme that starts "old enough to bleed".  

Iggy: But dad backed up PJ on that one.  In their house, we can't date until we can drive.  

PJ: It's nothing unusual for a blended family.  Surely you don't think I killed her over that?

******

Across town, Jimin is dealing with his most troublesome client.

Jimin: Mrs. Jackson, I don't understand.  Why do you think Miss Carson is needed?  She knows little or nothing about your family situation. 

Charlotte: Not for the custody thing.  For this ridiculous claim that I killed Helena Malfoy and Charlie Lake.  Bonnie has insight into that, since she is the Malfoy boy's parole officer. 

Bonnie: Probation officer.  Parole is an entire different thing. 

Charlotte: Whatever.  Tell him how nice and civil we all were.  

Jimin: Mrs. Jackson, I do family law, not criminal law. You'll have to retain a different lawyer if you're concerned you might be charged.  (To Bonnie) Unless you can contribute to the custody matter, I'm afraid we've wasted your time.

Charlotte: Seriously?!  It's all connected, can't you see?  Whoever killed them is working for either Billy's sons or for this damn town.  I'm not sure which bunch hates me more.  Hell, maybe they're in it together!  (Eyes Bonnie suspiciously) Come to think of it, the Carsons are one of the founding families of  Barbieville... 

Bonnie: Well, I  think I've heard enough.  Jimin, I'm sure I'll see you in Family Court.  (Shakes his hand)  Maybe we can get dinner sometime?  

Jimin: That would be nice.  (Raises his voice to be heard over Charlotte) I'm sorry about this.

Bonnie: Never apologize for your clients, Mr. Rhee.  You aren't responsible for their behavior. 

****

At Doll County Museum

Carol: Mr. Patrick, you are a hard man to track down. 

Coby: I keep busy, that's for sure.  What can I do for you, Agent Danvers? 

Carol: I wanted to speak to you and Ms Pike about Helena Malfoy.  You were the last to see her alive.

Morgan: Dr. Pike.  I have a PhD in paleontology.  

Coby: I don't think I'd be much help.  Helena works with the university, having permanent exhibits here that connect to our disciplines.  I've recently taken charge of Gender Studies and met with Helena about my own exhibit.  But that's the only time I ever met her.

Carol: Did she mention any problems?  At home or professionally?

Coby: She did mention that her husband clings to old-fashioned gender roles, much to the detriment of their daughters.  An older daughter even left home because of it.   But nothing to indicate she was in any danger. 

Morgan: Did she mention that her son is an entitled little shit? 

Coby (chuckles): She didn't phrase it that bluntly, but yes. 

Morgan (to Carol): I was here helping plan Coby's space, more out of boredom than anything else.  Helena mentioned that she was going for a jog along Hawthorne.  She liked it because the hill made it a challenge, but the shade from all the trees kept it cool.  I guess that's when she was hit. 

  

Any Requests?

Rayshawn Lucas came to Barbieville with a business proposition for his old colleague Billy's wife.  She insists on the most casual meeting ever.

Rayshawn: Went by the hospital to check on Billy.  He's looking good, all things considered.

Charlotte: Yes, his care has been excellent.  I honestly didn't expect him to last this long.   How long will you be in town? 

Rayshawn: I hope to be here long-term.  I want to buy you out on that lake front property. 

Charlotte: The Point? Oh, no, it is not for sale.  That's the first of the nails in this town's coffin. 

Rayshawn: What you're doing with that property is undermining everything else you're trying to do.  Losing money hand over fist is not gonna convince anyone to give you custody of your kids - or their trust funds.  In fact, you could lose everything.  

Charlotte: How do you figure that? 

Rayshawn: According to my estimates, you've already lost half a million on it.  The legal fights over zoning alone ate up most of that.  Factor in loss of revenue from a functional RV park, property taxes, all those things...  You've got a very expensive millstone around your neck.

Charlotte: You have no idea what I'm trying to do.

Rayshawn: You're trying to crush this town for wrongs of the past and keep your pretty little hands on Mary and Max's inheritance.  You'll be much better off - and get a better revenge - if you act as a savvy and rational business woman.  But this thing with The Point is neither savvy nor rational. 

Charlotte: You may be right.  Buy up the town bit by bit...  they'd rent from me, work for me, everything.  Rayshawn, you are a genius!  I could own them all.  

Rayshawn: First step, sell me that property.  Spin the tale somehow to make you look good.  

******

A very different sort of meeting is happening at the county seat, in the probation office.

Draco: I did my community service.  Are we done here?

Helena: Apparently not, if that's all the respect you have.  (To Bonnie) It doesn't appear my son's learned his lesson, Ms Carson. Any suggestions? 

Albus: He's done what the courts said he had to, Helena, but certainly you can volunteer him for more.  I can get you a list of homeless shelters, food pantries... 

Bonnie: Albus is right.  Once I enter this data into the system, Draco's obligation to the courts is fulfilled.  However, a bit of volunteer work with the less fortunate would do him no harm.  (To Draco) You've been very fortunate.  Don't mistake that for anything you deserve. 

Draco: Look, you ginger bim-- (Helena claps a hand over his mouth, and not very gently.)

Bonnie: If you'll send my next appointment in, Mrs. Malfoy? 

Helena leads Draco out, hand still over his mouth.

Albus (pauses in the doorway): Doctor Malfoy.  She has a PhD. 

Bonnie's next appointment is Pern.  

Bonnie: Everything looks good.  You're working, attending sobriety meetings.  Even got a fellow from the group a job at Sunburst?  Very nice.

Pern: Turns out, his fiancee is the aunt of one of our servers!  You should have seen her face when she realized who the new day cook was! 

Bonnie: I do have to tell you, it's quite unusual for an adult to bring relatives in with her.

Anakin: Oh, that's my fault, Ms Carson.  I wanted to ask Mommy and Pocahontas something, but I want you to hear.  You can give us advice about it, I think.

Anakin (to Pern): I been thinking about what can help you get better and I think I know something that is best for everyone, but I'm scared you're going to get upset when I tell you.  I don't want you to think I hate you or anything like that. 

Pern: I promise to hear you out, even if it upsets me.  

Anakin: I want Pocahontas and John to adopt me. 

Tough Love Everywhere

In the early morning hours, Pern meets the other members of the Sunburst crew.  

Midna: Before we get started, I want to make a few things known. With Pern's permission, of course.  She's newly sober and wants to stay that way.  She's also new to the work force, so let's be gentle on her at first.

Pern: I can't thank all of you enough for giving me this chance.  This is my second try at living clean, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I promise to make my best effort.

Zenobia: I think I can hold off on the whips and chains until Thursday.  (laughter all around) No, seriously, we'll do our best to help as much as we can.

Esmeralda: But not so much you depend on us.  We can't turn you into a contributing member of society by contributing for you, can we? 

Jason (nods in agreement):  But first we gotta make sure all your paperwork is in order.  I'll take you to Violet. 

Violet: It looks like Midna got all the formalities taken care of.  Normally, I take care -- 

Pern: This is gorgeous artwork.  Did you do it?

Violet: My husband and stepchildren don't celebrate Christmas, so my stepdaughter painted that to replace my Merry Christmas one.  

Pern: She's good.  How old is she?

Violet (sternly): Midna hired you against my advice.  Fresh out of rehab, never worked before...  (smiles) I'd love it if you proved me wrong.  And Samantha is thirteen.  

Pern (confused): Okay?  Would challenge accepted be the wrong thing to say here? 

Violet: Absolutely not.  Now, Jason is waiting for you in the kitchen and I've got inventory to do.  

******

Doll County Courthouse, Judge's chambers

Bonnie: Your honor, the probation office has no objection to the proposed action regarding Draco Malfoy.  All parties involved have agreed to the terms.

Draco: Mother, tell them!  I didn't agree to anything!

Helena: You are a minor.  I agreed in your stead.  

Albus: I already have a list of jobs he can legally do at The Cove.  

Bonnie: I've reviewed that list with Mr. Dumbledore's employer and with Mrs. Malfoy.  It is a bit unusual for the defendant to do community service under the supervision of the plaintiff, but under the circumstances...

Helena: Albus Dumbledore is nearly the only person in the county who can't be swayed by the Malfoy name.  There's a very real concern that anyone else will be and that Draco will not learn the intended lesson.

Judge: Very well then.  We'll make it official in court this afternoon.

*****

As the third graders leave Suzie's classroom at the end of the day, they're a bit surprised to see Anakin coming in.

Roxy: Do you got detention or something?  

Dan: What did you do?

Anakin: I didn't do anything.  I just wanna talk to Mrs. Dean for a minute.  (He waits until they're gone.)  Is that okay, Mrs. Dean?  You said if any of us ever needed advice.... 

Suzie: Of course, Anakin, what's bothering you?  

Anakin settles in at a desk.

It seems like moments later when Nakoma taps on the classroom door.

Nakoma: Roxy told me you needed to talk to Mrs. Dean, kid, but it's been almost half an hour.  

Anakin: Oh, sorry.  (to Suzie) Thanks for talking to me.  Sometimes it helps to have somebody not, you know, family to talk to.

Suzie: I understand.  If you need to talk some more, I'll run your sister off.

Anakin: No, I'm gonna do what you said.  I think it's a good idea.

Anakin stops to hug her on the way out.