Here Comes The Grooms

 Oksana hurries into the venue on a very important mission.

Oksana: Now, don't forget.  Grampy Dean and them got stucked in a blizzard, so they gotta watch on my tablet.  Make sure you got it pointed the right way and... 

Bonnie:  I'll take that, Ox.  Don't worry.  The Mellarks are in good hands. 

Oksana: OK.  Daddy P said he's gonna be really mad if you mess up! 

Bonnie: As he should be. 

Peeta and Ken come down separate aisles, Peeta accompanied by Oksana and Ken by Tommy.  

Wilma:  Oh, Mommy, look... 

Whitney (covering Wilma's mouth and whispering) This is why I had to talk them into letting you come.  You have to be quiet. 

Peeta spares a sad glance at the empty seats his family should be in, nearly stumbling over Oksana as he does.  He hopes no one noticed.  

Tanner and Finnick stand at the front, acting as Best Man for each of the grooms.  Mayor Rose-Grace Pike acts as officiant.   The ceremony is simple, an exchange of the traditional vows.  Oksana keeps a close eye one her aunt Bonnie, making sure Grampy Dean's family can see. 

Finnick:  Tanner designated me to make a speech for both of us, since I "do sappy stuff" better and since we have the same story.  Ken was the first person to befriend the new kids to town.  (pause) It was never a secret that Peeta was gay. Peeta says that's because he's Jewish and used to being persecuted, but really it's just that Ken's a bit of a wuss.  Took Ken almost three years to let us in on his secret.  He was afraid we'd run screaming for the hills, which was pretty stupid of him.

Ken:  Yeah, it was. 

Finnick: We were glad when  they finally hooked up after all the times we'd advised them to.  In the wise words of Frodo Dean (nods at Frodo) "You ain't gonna find anyone more compatible ever."   Some folks will say they're too young to marry, but those people do not know Peeta and Ken.  (toasts them)  Now, a few words from Miss Oksana Carson-Mellark.  Or is it Mellark-Carson?

Oksana: Just Carson.  My daddies decided that was easier.  (deep breath) The orphan house lady told me I was gonna have two daddies and I said "WHAT?" I didn't even know that sometimes boys marry boys!  Then my friend Vash got dopted by two mommies!  Anyways... I'm super happy to see my new daddies get married and promise to be a good daughter as much as I can.  Now it's Grammy Doreen's turn.

Doreen: I met Dean Mellark went he came to work at the school.  We bonded over both having been recently widowed and were happy when our sons became fast friends.  We were both delighted - if a bit surprised, to be honest - when they started dating and now I'm standing here making a speech for both of us at our boys' wedding. Now, let's stop talking and start celebrating! 

Mrs. Moneybags Finale

 Before the filming of the finale, Rayshawn and Marty confer.

Marty: Honest, Dad, I agree with you.  You don't have to keep asking me.

Rayshawn: It's a big decision, son, and we're already going about this... well, in an unusual way.  

Marty: Well, we're a couple of weirdos anyway.  (laughs) I like them both and would be okay with either one, but I really do think she's the best one for you.  You're the one that's gonna be married to her. 

Rayshawn:  Well, ladies, this is it.  Inside this box are two envelopes, one with each of your names. One containing plane tickets for two, a bit of a getaway during which we can start our wedding plans.  The other is air fare home and a thousand dollars for each week you've lasted.  

Seven: I'm so nervous.  Are you nervous?

Doreen: Of course, I'm either getting proposed to or rejected in front of millions. 

Rayshawn:  More like thousands, but... (chuckles, a bit nervous himself)  Before I hand it over, I have a few words for you.  This was not an easy choice for me and Marty.  Both of you more than meet our needs, each in your own way.  We hope that one "rejected in front of thousands" remains a friend.  And, of course, we hope the one proposed to comes to love us as we will come to love her. 

Doreen lets Seven remove the lid and they both look into the box.  

Doreen: Well, lets get this over with.  Open our envelopes on the count of three? 

Seven: Yes, please.  

They take out the almost identical envelopes and open them in unison.  One of them shrieks in joy and they jump up in a hug.  

Rayshawn watches them jumping up and down in each other's arms, trying not to laugh.  

Rayshawn: Wow, you sure take rejection well. (To Marty)  And we were worried about hurting her feelings.... 

Doreen: I've got eyes.  Watching you two over this last week, since she gave up because she thought I had it in the bag, I would have fainted if she was sent home. 

💞Announcing the engagement of Mr. Rayshawn Lucas, real estate tycoon, to Seven Lincoln, waitress and cashier.  No wedding date has been set.  💞

*******

The next morning, plumb across the country....

Dionne: Did you see the finale of Moneybags last night?  That was insane!  

Maisie: Yeah, I thought for sure the redhead had it won.  

Dionne: Have I mentioned it's filmed in Barbieville?  Our new home? 

Maisie (chuckles): A few times.  That's why I watched, to get a peek at the town.  I also googled the place.  I wanna know what I'm getting into.  

Dionne: I bet you looked at the college, too.  Sure I can't talk you into changing your major? 

Maisie: I've spent too many years chasing a law degree to change it now.  

Candy (walks up): Dionne and Maisie, I presume?  I'm Candy, your Uber driver. 

Dionne: Wow, you've changed a lot since the wedding.  (To Maisie) Maisie Barnes, meet Candy Pike.  She's my uncle's ex-wife and the mother of my step-cousins. (To Candy) Maisie's my heterosexual life partner, to steal a line from a movie.  

Candy: Nice to meet you, Maisie.  Why did you ask me to meet you in the parking lot of a - shall we say - questionable bar?

Maisie:  I live above the bar.  Or I did until today.  (shrug)  Even working two jobs, it was all I could afford after tuition and books. 

Dionne:  Let's get these bags in the car and hit the road, shall we?  

Candy: We're either gonna be pals when this trip is over or we'll hate each other.  Let's find out. 

Mrs. Moneybags: Dinner, Dancing, and a Dropout

 Rayshawn takes each of the three remaining competitors out for a night of dinner and dancing, testing the chemistry between himself and each of them.  The two others will stay with Marty so he can do the same (clearly on a different level).  

Gwen: I was beginning to wonder if we were going to get to the man/woman thing.  So far, it's been more about The Point and Marty. 

Rayshawn: Well, there's a method to my madness, you know.  I have to filter out the ones who want caviar and private jets because I'm just not that kind of guy.  Been there, done that, with Marty's mom.   What I've exposed you ladies to is pretty much what life as Mrs. Lucas would be like. 

Gwen: You don't just toss the money at an investment and expect it to grow, you get in there and get your hands dirty.   I'm the same way, kind of, but my investments are teenage brains. 

Rayshawn: What's important to you?  In the big picture? 

Gwen: My students, my sister, and my niece.  Not always in that order, but those are the top three.  Teachers can change the world, if the world would get out of our way and let us!  I bet you have some teacher in your past who impacted you and helped shape the man you are today. 

*******

Doreen takes in the luxury of the five-star restaurant with childlike wonder. 

Doreen: I hope you don't think I'm an idiot.  I've just never been in this kind of place before. 

Rayshawn: Never? 

Doreen: Well, maybe my Prom.  And thanks for helping me decipher that menu.  I would have never guessed that description was a pot pie!  

Rayshawn: They have to make it as pretentious as humanly possible.  (rolls his eyes)  I've never been a fan of all this frou-frou stuff, but I thought this would be a good way for us to talk relatively privately.  

Doreen: I figured it was needed sometimes, in your work.  You don't want your wife to embarrass you at important functions.  

Doreen: Sorry, I'm not a very good dancer.  

Rayshawn: Out of practice, all those years of being a mom and teaching kindergarten. 

Doreen: Oh, my husband was never much of a dancer.  We met at a college dance his friends had badgered him into attending.  He decided to chat up the wallflowers.

Rayshawn: I find it hard to believe you were a wallflower. 

Doreen: I never was the tall willowy type that gets asked to dance.  If I was in a movie, I'd be the gregarious friend of the tall willowy girl. 

******

Seven tries to pretend she isn't impressed by the glamor around her, but she is.

Seven: I have to ask, it's been driving me crazy.  Who is Charlotte? I thought she was a producer of something, but... 

Rayshawn (chuckles):  Once upon a time, there were two wealthy men, Billy and Rayshawn.  Billy was Rayshawn's mentor, both in and out of the office.  They met Charlotte Gordon, who flat-out told them that if they weren't rich, she'd have no interest.  Billy eventually married her.  Rayshawn married a gal who swore her undying devotion, rich or poor.  Fast forward a few years... Rayshawn lost a lot of money in his divorce and Billy's still married even though he's in a coma.  

Seven: Charlotte is your mentor's gold-digging wife? 

Rayshawn: She prefers the term social climber.  I butt heads with Charlotte a lot, but she's honest and she really does honor her vows.  She's never cheated, she's given him everything he asked for, and makes sure he has good medical care.  

Rayshawn:  Wow, you are an excellent dancer. 

Seven: And no lessons!  Well, not formal ones.  I had a school friend that took lessons and she taught the whole crew.  Once upon a time, we were going to be the next Destiny's Child.   Then teenage drama happened and the band broke up. 

******

Elimination time. The Lucas fellows have conferred, tallied up the points, and now they face the ladies. 

Rayshawn: There's been a bit of confusion among the viewers about the prizes.  When I give the thousand dollars for each week you made it and air fare home, I'm not actually giving money for air fare - it's a plane ticket.  Just want to clarify that before we get started.

Marty: I was confused, too! 

Rayshawn: Seven, you get a one from Marty.  He says you're still trying too hard.  Just relax, girl.  Be yourself. You got a three from me.  I felt our date was a big success.  And those dance moves!  That brings you to a total of 31.

Rayshawn: Doreen, you got a three from Marty.  He says you're great fun but also make him behave.  I gave you a two.  I found you to be good company, even if you were a bit intimidated by the atmosphere.  Your new score is 38.

Gwen: Before you say anything, I need to -- I can't do this.  I volunteer to be eliminated.  

Doreen: Gwen, what are you doing?  Why? 

Seven: Wait, what? 

Gwen: Look, when  I started this, a friend of mine compared it to prostitution.  I entered anyway, honestly hoping that if I won, there'd be at least a spark between us.  But there isn't.  You have a spark with Seven.  You have a spark with Doreen.  But if I continue, if I win... I'm afraid my friend was right.  It would feel like prostitution because, frankly, there's no spark between us.  

Rayshawn: What do we do now? 

Charlotte: Well, there is a clause that lets her drop out, but if you continue the scoring the way you have, Seven's going to be too far behind to catch up.  

Marty: Last round ain't by points anyway.  Points are just up to this round. 

Charlotte: Well, I guess I don't need to print out a plane ticket then.  Gwen doesn't need one because she's a local. 

Rayshawn: Well, Gwen, I can't argue with your spark comment because that's why you only scored one from me.  Except I was going to use the word "chemistry".  I've enjoyed your company, and you sure made an impact on Marty's vampire pirate. 

Marty: He's a zombie.  And so is the chicken. 

Gwen (chuckling): Oh, lordy, I've created a monster.  

Mrs Moneybags: Day at the Park and Fourth Elimination

 

Rayshawn:  Today, take any concerns you have to Anna - Sally will be here, but she's basically a trainee.  

Joe: Sally's not going to the cove with the rest of you? 

Rayshawn: She opted out since she can't ride anything.  That's gonna work against her come time to tally the points, but I'm not going to force her.  

Joe: Yeah, with that attitude, she'll ruin the whole day for the rest of you by complaining.  I made that mistake once with a cousin... expected everyone else to not ride because he couldn't. 

*****

Witch's Cove entrance gate

Doreen: Let me get a picture of you two!  

Seven: This coaster looks wild.

Doreen: I've not had the chance to ride it.  It was put in since the last time I was here.  

Gwen: I can't wait to check out the Haunted Railway.  (to Seven) It was a wild west train, but there was a fire in the Haunted House and the train was changed to house the salvaged ghouls and ghosts.  I bet some of those costumed characters Tierra talked about will be there. 

Marty: Hey, Anakin!  I didn't know they made you work here!

Anakin: They don't.  Someone called in sick and Mommy offered to fill in since she was off work today, so I'm just hanging out with her.  Where's the cowboy lady?

Marty: She can't ride so she ain't coming.  She's not much fun, anyway. 

****

Back at The Point....

  

Sally: Why are you making girls do men's work?  I should report you to the Better Business Bureau! 

Joe: Both Jessie and Gabriella are legally employed.  In fact, Gabriella may well run the business someday.  She's a Montez.  

Sally: That's your daughter?!  Good lord, I might have to report you to CPS as well! 

Joe:  You report me to whoever you feel the need.  Just get out of our way and let us do our job, please.

*****

At Witch's Cove

Marty: Thanks for watching all our stuff while we rode, Gwen.  That was really nice of you! 

Gwen: You're welcome.  Before my accident, we always waited until the end of the day to play games or buy things.  Too much risk of losing things on the ride or having them stolen if we left them with the attendants.  

Doreen: We always wait til the end of the day, too.  Even when I was pregnant with Tommy, we did it that way out of habit.  It's so much easier than lugging giant stuffed animals all day! 

Seven: With so many of us, we couldn't afford to go except for Dad and Mom's company picnics, so we enjoyed the rides while we had the chance.  We never bothered with the games or shops much!  

Doreen: I might be getting too old for this. 

Seven: I just love the old fashioned wooden coasters!  Rattle my bones! 

****

The group gathers in the office for this week's tally.

Marty: Why is the zombie pirate so big and his ship so small?  It's dumb. 

Gwen: I don't think you're supposed to play with them together.  The ship might have smaller figures that go with it. Unless he became a giant when he got zombified?  

Rayshawn: Look at this.  Three way tie, at least for this round. 

Charlotte: Especially after you saw that e-mail from Joe.

Rayshawn:  What e-mail from Joe?  Why are you looking at my e-mail? 

Charlotte: He's my brother-in-law, remember?  I was visiting with Batgirl, Joe came home livid, and she told him to e-mail you right way. (She waits while he checks his e-mail.)  By the way, I do not read the private correspondence of adults.  

Rayshawn (reading the email):  Yeah, just kids, cuz they got no rights. 

Rayshawn: Gwen, I gave you four points for gallantly tagging along despite your limitations.  Marty gave you two, mostly because you couldn't ride.  So you get six, bringing your score to 33.  

Gwen: Fair enough. 

Rayshawn: Doreen, you get the opposite - four from Marty and two from me.  He was impressed with your riding despite being - in his words - pretty old.  I had to dock you because you got a little snippy at the end of the day.  Six points brings you also to 33. 

Doreen (laughs): Probably because I'm pretty old. 

Rayshawn: Seven scored three from each of us.  Your riding wasn't impressive because of your youth, and you didn't get snippy.

Seven: Again, because of my youth.  (elbows Doreen playfully) 

Rayshawn:  Sally, you scored two.  One from each of us.  Your refusal to even attempt a day at the park worked against you big time, and the harassment of my contractor did not help. That brings your score to 18.  You're going home. 

Sally: I didn't harass anyone.  I called him out for poor business practices, that's all. 

Rayshawn:  Here's your four thousand dollars prize money and air fare home.  I've enclosed a list of agencies that can help you find employment or training to that end. 

Sally: Thank you.  Best of luck to all of you.  

Mrs. Moneybags: Third Elimination

 After the day at Zenobia's pride event, the group gathers in the office of The Point. 

Rayshawn: Well, ladies, it's time.  Marty and I have made our decision.  

Rayshawn: Doreen, you're this week's high score.  Fives from both of us.  You and yours are very compatible with the Lucas men.  That brings your total to 27. 

Doreen (claps her hands): I'm so glad! 

Rayshawn: Gwen, I gave you a three and Marty gave you a four.  We liked your family, but frankly, we just liked the Carsons better.  Your total is also 27.

Gwen: I'm not complaining.  I figured Doreen would take this one, with Tommy existing and all. 

Rayshawn: Sally, I'm sorry to say that you scored lowest this time.  One point from each of us.  From what you tell us of your family, it doesn't seem as if they'd be compatible with us at all.  We don't do gender roles and we certainly don't cast out people for things beyond their control. 

Sally: Nobody cast me out.  I chose to be here and do this. 

Rayshawn: You clearly feel that you had no better option.  Your total is sixteen. 

Rayshawn: Seven, you get four points form me and three from Marty.  From what you tell us, your family seems like our kind of people.  Your total is 21. 

Seven: Excellent. 

Rayshawn: Esperanza, you score two from each of us, despite the fact that we did find your mothers to be good people, bringing your total to thirteen.  You're going home.  

Esperanza: Yeah, I figured. 

Rayshawn: A parting gift of three thousand dollars.  No airfare home, since you live here in Barbieville.  

Esperanza: It's been quite an experience.  Thanks for the consideration.  (shakes hands and leaves)

Rayshawn:  Next week, we're relaxing more.  Just pulling our shifts in the front office, hanging around The Point, and at the end of the week....  (gestures to Nakoma)

Nakoma: For those of you who don't know me, I'm Nakoma Smith, one of the owners of Witch's Cove.  On Friday, we've reserved admission tickets for all of you.  Nothing like the pleasant exhaustion from a day at the amusement park to bring... 

Sally: I can't go to an amusement park!  With my health issues, I won't be able to ride anything!

Seven: There's lots to do besides ride.  Midway games, eating, shopping... even just people watching.

Gwen: Yeah, I can't ride much because of my back, but it's still a fun day. 

Doreen: See there?  Gwen can stay with you while we ride the things you can't.  

Sally: No, thank you.  (To Nakoma) I respectfully decline your offer.  I'll just stay here at the motel while they go. 

Nakoma: I did not expect that.  

Rayshawn: It's cool.  We'll just need one ticket less.  

Charlotte: Seriously?  You should make her go!  It's part of the deal! 

Rayshawn: I'm not in the habit of making people do things they don't want to.  (To Nakoma) Don't worry, you'll still get your money's worth in free advertising.  

Mrs. Moneybags: Second Elimination

 The elimination begins with Marty detailing his ratings and the reasons for them. 

Marty: I gave Doreen six and Gwen five, but it was pretty close.  They're both really nice, but at the same time made me behave.  Tierra got four - she taught me all kinds of neat stuff about Volkwagen Vans, like the difference between a Kombi and a Samba, but most of the time she just tried too hard.  Seven gets three because she didn't seem like she was being herself.  Esperanza got two for being pretty nice but then she complained about she might have to clean a toilet and slapped that lady.  Sally gets one because she keeps telling me I can't do "girl stuff" and saying I'm gonna marry Stacie because we can't just be friends once we're grown up. 

    

Esperanza: That woman needed a lot more than slapped!  My moms are gay!

Doreen: My son is gay, I get it, but slapping them isn't going to change anything.  You have to kill them with kindness. 

Tierra:  Violence is only the answer if you've been physically attacked.  

Rayshawn: I'm going to start with Esperanza, since she's obviously pulling the low score tonight.  I commend your drive to defend your mothers, and everyone else who falls into that category, but you assaulted one of my customers.  Anna managed to convince her not to press charges.  

Esperanza: Anna assaulted me, how about that? 

Seven: We saw the video.  All she did was pull you off that Karen.  

Rayshawn: Sally, you get two points.  You should have asked Anna to help the customer or offered one of the area maps we keep under the counter.  Tierra scores three, for refunding a customer's money when the problem was the fault of the customer - all our advertising makes it clear that the swimming offered is Muneca Lake.  Customer should have paid more attention.

Tierra: Dude, I thought she was gonna hit me! 

Rayshawn: Gwen, your blunder made me laugh, I'm not gonna lie.  But all you needed to say was that it's policy to require ID.   You get four.  Doreen gets five for a similar mistake, correcting a customer's assumption that our housekeeping staff are thieves.  Just give the man his towels and let it go.  And we finally get to Seven, who has scored six.  The only mistake you made, at least as far as this judging goes, was forgetting the dress code on your first day.  

Charlotte:  Adding together last week with your scores today, these are the current tallies.  

Esperanza:  I'm still in the running?!  I thought for sure, after... 

Gwen: The only one who scored higher than you last week was Doreen. That saved you.

Tierra: Looks like I'm going home. 

Rayshawn: Your parting gift is one thousand dollars for each week you lasted and air fare home.  However, there may be a job for you here in Barbieville.  I enclosed a letter of reference for you, if you're inclined to  look into it.  Your theater background may be exactly what she's looking for.

Tierra: Thank you.  I will definitely look into that.  I hope we can be friends if I stick around. 

Tierra makes it a point to shake Marty's hand, as well.  

Marty: I'll miss talking hippie vans with you.  

Tierra: Me, too.  It was nice to find someone who didn't roll their eyes at me.

Unlike Regina's exit, Tierra stops to say goodbye to her competition. Seven cries - she and Tierra became fast friend when they met on the flight to Barbieville.