Meetings

 KAP  (Kin As Parents) has its first meeting since the disaster, welcoming new members.

Ken:  We don't know what we're going to do.  Peeta's dad pays his tuition, but with Mom and Bonnie gone and having the care of Tommy as well as Ox, I may have to drop out of college. 

Pocahontas: I'm always hiring, but during the off season... 

Tony:  What's your business?   

Pocahontas:  My sister and I own Witch's Cove.  She graduated with Ken and his husband.  I also have custody of a brother the same age as his Tommy and your Marty.  How is Marty?  Any news about his father?

Tony:  Rayshawn might be one of the John Does found, but they aren't ready for identification.  Marty's doing about as well we should expect.  His mother's flying in tomorrow.  

Nova:  How are you and Luna holding up? 

Gwen:  We're a mess.  Neither of us has even gone into Rallee's room, not even to get her work things for the new superintendent.  Guinness is starting the job without a lot of vital paperwork because I can't...  I don't even know if I should be here.  

Midge:  If you need us, you should be here.  I was totally lost when Kamala fell into my lap. 

Gwen:  Yeah, but I've been as good as her parent Luna's whole life.  That part isn't a big transition for me.  I thought about grief counseling instead of this, but I know you people.  That makes it better somehow. 

Ben:  Maybe we shouldn't tell them.  Seems mean. 

Becky:  Yeah, we should wait.

*****  

At the mayor's office, Rose-Grace discusses the dam sabotage with federal agent Carol Danvers.

Rose-Grace:  What do you mean, this might not be related to Hank Higgins?  You have other people in my town in Witness Protection?  And that PI is snooping around about Cash.

Carol:  To the best of my knowledge, Hank was the only person here with ties to organized crime.  But then I found out about Maisie Barnes's birth family.  What do you know about them? 

Rose-Grace:  Maisie?  Dionne's friend?  She has no contact with her birth family.  Hates all their guts.

Carol:  Possibly with good reason.  I have an even thicker file on them than I do on Hank-used-to-be-Cash.  Maisie isn't even her birth name, she legally changed it when she got married.  Presumably to dodge them and any of their associates. 

Rose-Grace:  Well, if you're investigating her, you shouldn't talk to me about it.  Conflict of interest - Maisie's been practically family since junior high.  

Carol: We'll move on to the seismologist that tipped off the saboteurs. 

Here Comes The Grooms

 Oksana hurries into the venue on a very important mission.

Oksana: Now, don't forget.  Grampy Dean and them got stucked in a blizzard, so they gotta watch on my tablet.  Make sure you got it pointed the right way and... 

Bonnie:  I'll take that, Ox.  Don't worry.  The Mellarks are in good hands. 

Oksana: OK.  Daddy P said he's gonna be really mad if you mess up! 

Bonnie: As he should be. 

Peeta and Ken come down separate aisles, Peeta accompanied by Oksana and Ken by Tommy.  

Wilma:  Oh, Mommy, look... 

Whitney (covering Wilma's mouth and whispering) This is why I had to talk them into letting you come.  You have to be quiet. 

Peeta spares a sad glance at the empty seats his family should be in, nearly stumbling over Oksana as he does.  He hopes no one noticed.  

Tanner and Finnick stand at the front, acting as Best Man for each of the grooms.  Mayor Rose-Grace Pike acts as officiant.   The ceremony is simple, an exchange of the traditional vows.  Oksana keeps a close eye one her aunt Bonnie, making sure Grampy Dean's family can see. 

Finnick:  Tanner designated me to make a speech for both of us, since I "do sappy stuff" better and since we have the same story.  Ken was the first person to befriend the new kids to town.  (pause) It was never a secret that Peeta was gay. Peeta says that's because he's Jewish and used to being persecuted, but really it's just that Ken's a bit of a wuss.  Took Ken almost three years to let us in on his secret.  He was afraid we'd run screaming for the hills, which was pretty stupid of him.

Ken:  Yeah, it was. 

Finnick: We were glad when  they finally hooked up after all the times we'd advised them to.  In the wise words of Frodo Dean (nods at Frodo) "You ain't gonna find anyone more compatible ever."   Some folks will say they're too young to marry, but those people do not know Peeta and Ken.  (toasts them)  Now, a few words from Miss Oksana Carson-Mellark.  Or is it Mellark-Carson?

Oksana: Just Carson.  My daddies decided that was easier.  (deep breath) The orphan house lady told me I was gonna have two daddies and I said "WHAT?" I didn't even know that sometimes boys marry boys!  Then my friend Vash got dopted by two mommies!  Anyways... I'm super happy to see my new daddies get married and promise to be a good daughter as much as I can.  Now it's Grammy Doreen's turn.

Doreen: I met Dean Mellark went he came to work at the school.  We bonded over both having been recently widowed and were happy when our sons became fast friends.  We were both delighted - if a bit surprised, to be honest - when they started dating and now I'm standing here making a speech for both of us at our boys' wedding. Now, let's stop talking and start celebrating! 

Making Plans

 Sunburst, early evening 

Whitney:  What are you guys up to tonight?  And who is this little lady? 

Peeta: We filed for an adoption, figuring we wouldn't get a kid until after the wedding.  Well, here she is!  (To Oksana)  This is our friend Whitney.  She's Tanner's girlfriend and has a little girl about your age. 

Finnick: Man, you called us down here to talk about the wedding?  Again? 

Whitney: Hey, a wedding takes a lot of planning.  You have no idea how many times we met while planning Tris's.  Probably because all Four did was show up that day.  He let her do all the work. 

Tanner:  Well, traditionally, that's how it works.  Not my fault this particular wedding has two guys! 

Whitney: Well, I certainly hope you don't think you're off the hook if we get married.  Same goes for you, Finnick.  

Oksana:  You're silly.  You can't marry both of them! 

Finnick:  My girlfriend is one of her best friends, Oksana.  (To Whitney)  Has Nakoma said something?  Because we agreed -- 

Peeta: --to wait a couple years.  For no good reason, I might add.  Nakoma is one of the wealthiest women in town and you've got a steady job.  Me and Ken are living in his mother's house! 

Finnick: Mind your own business, freeloaders.  

Ken:  Okay, we will.  I think we can make her a flower girl.  We're both coming down an aisle - side aisles instead of the center one - and this way Tommy walk with one of us as ring bearer and Oksana with the other.  You dudes of honor wait up by the altar as planned. 

Tanner: Seriously, guys, just go to Step-mom's office and have her do it there. 

Whitney:  Geez, maybe I should do all the planning if I marry you.  You're about as romantic as a kick in the shins.  

******

At another table, Dionne and Maisie go over their plans.

Dionne:  We can have girls in the north wing and boys in the south.  Center area is common ground.  

Maisie (silencing her phone): That arrangement isn't going to do much to stop gay residents from doing it.  Where do we put any non-binary or trans residents?  

Dionne: Gays don't generally get accidentally pregnant.  That's the main thing I want to prevent. 

Maisie: Dionne, I know it's a mansion, but is it really big enough to house all the foster kids in this county?  Even if you make those huge third floor spaces into wards for the preadolescents, I don't see how you can pull this off.  

Dionne:  It won't be easy.  But -- wait a minute, why aren't you taking that call?

Maisie:  It's her again.  You know if I answer, she's going to guilt me into it. 

Dionne:  Give me the phone.  I'll deal with her. 

New Folks, Old Families

 In a small park near Doll County Airport, three new arrivals claim a bench.

Oksana:  I bet my new daddies get here before your new mommies do.  

Vash: No way!  Your new mommies are old and everybody knows old people drive slow. 

Oksana: Mr. Picard, do you think it's yukky to have two mommies or two daddies?  That man on the airplane said it is.

JL: I'm sure it's none of my business.  I was asked by the agency to escort you here, since we were all coming to the same place.  I was not asked to judge anyone's morals.  

Vash: Are you calling Miss Tuesday to tell her we made it?  

JL: Yes.  Please play quietly while I do so. 

Vash: We gots to be quiet anyway because Jraff and Sleepy are having a nap.  

JL (on phone): We've arrived safely.  The families are stuck in traffic behind an accident, but they are on the way.  I will stay with the children as promised.  (Listens for a moment.)  I did have to suggest to a homophobe that he write to the government instead of frightening small children, but otherwise there's been no problem.  

JL reads up on his new hometown while the girls play, occasionally mentioning something that might interest them, until the first set of parents arrives.  Peeta handles the legalities with JL while Ken plops onto the ground beside the children.

Oksana: I told her that my daddies would beat her mommies here.  Cause they're old and you aren't.

Ken: We know the roads because we grew up here and they just moved here. Bertie and Daisy ain't so old.  Older than us, but younger than my mom.  

Vash: You know my new mommies?  Do you know my new sister, too?  (pronouncing carefully) Es-per-on-za.

Ken: Barbieville's a small town.  Pretty much everyone knows everyone.   

JL snaps a photo for the agency before releasing Oksana to their custody.  (Probably for promotional and legal purposes, but he didn't ask.)  

Oksana:  Bye-bye, Vash.  See you at school, I guess! 

Vash:  I hope we get a nice teacher.  

Peeta: She's very nice.  (elbows Ken.)  We like her a lot. 

Oksana: Oh, yeah!  I forgot, Vash, my new Grandma is gonna be our teacher!  

Vash:  That's almost as neat-o as one of my mommies being the news lady! 

Ken (points toward parking lot):  There's Vash's mommies, in that white car.  We'll point them in the right direction.

Since JL has the camera ready, The Hernandez family poses before getting down to business. 

Daisy:  We really appreciate your taking care of Vash for her trip.  It was very nice of you. 

JL: It seemed the most logical course.  A sister agency had, after all, helped me find my home here and therefore knew I was safe for them to travel with.  No need to burden airline staff with the responsibility of two excited adoptees.

Bertie: A lot of people would have refused to do it.  Are you waiting for someone to pick you up?  We could give you a ride if you don't mind squishing a bit.

JL: I was planning to call a cab, but I'd be very happy to accept a ride.  

Esperanza: So.  You're my new sister. 

Vash: Yes.  I had a big sister before, but she got dead like my old mommy and daddy.  It made me sad and scared. Some nice people helped me come here to be safe. 

Esperanza: Nowhere is safe, kid.  Some places are just safer than others, and they're usually boring.  Are you friends with that other girl?  The one Ken and Peeta adopted?  

Vash: We was at the orphan house together.  I'm happy we got adopted to the same town so we can still play together.  

Mrs. Moneybags At Pride

 Rayshawn hosts a day at the privately funded Pride Event, held for the second year by Zenobia Malfoy.  This gives him a chance to get acquainted with the families of his prospective brides... at least, the ones with family in town.  Doreen's goes first.

Tommy: It will be so cool if we end up being stepbrothers!  Do you think your dad would adopt us?  Can you adopt grownups? 

Marty: I'd get two brothers and a sister just like that - BAM.   

Tommy: And Peeta.  Someday he's gonna be a brother in law.  Not sure about Jimin, he's pretty new. 

Rayshawn: If your mom wins this thing, would any of you be interested in going to work at The Point?  She says she intends to continue to teach, but her weekends and summers are negotiable. 

Bonnie: Absolutely not.  I have a career at the Probation Office.  

Ken: I don't see why not, if it doesn't get in the way of school.  I plan to be a teacher like Mom.  

Peeta: Does that offer include in-laws?  (To Doreen)  Yes, we're finally getting around to planning a wedding.  

*****

Next, he meets Gwen's sister and niece.

Rallee: Before you ask... no, I will not work at The Point.  I busted my butt to be Superintendent of Schools and plan to stay on track to better education for as many kids as possible.  

Gwen: She's gonna be Secretary of Education someday, just watch.  If not President.  

Rallee: President?  (laughs) Can you imagine?

Rayshawn: Actually, I can.  Gwen speaks very highly of you, and so does almost everyone else in this town.  

Rallee: Well, I speak just as highly of her.  Gwen's been my rock, all my life.   

Marty: So you might be my cousin soon.  I don't know what to do with a cousin. 

Luna: Neither do I!  (both laugh) It's always just been the three of us, ever since I can remember.  My grandparents died when I was a baby and my dad ran off before I was born.  

****

After lunch, it's time for the Hernandez clan. Charlotte shows up with them, having taken Esperanza under her wing.

Daisy: We wouldn't come to work for you, no.  Bertie is an anchor on the local news and I'm happy at the grocery store.  Besides, we wouldn't want to meddle in Esper's marriage.  

Rayshawn: That's not a bad policy, generally speaking.  My first marriage was a disaster because meddling is all her family did.  They're having fits now because I kept Marty for the summer, said I should just do this on my own and Marty would have to live with my choice. 

Bertie: As unorthodox as this is, I applaud your including the boy.  He's going to have to live with the woman, he should have some say in the matter.  

*****

Rayshawn takes Esperanza on a carriage ride, as he's done with each lady after meeting the family.  Charlotte's sister finds her sitting alone after Bertie and Daisy leave.

Charlotte: Why are you carrying that child?  Her legs work.

Batgirl: She's exhausted.  If I stood her up right now, she'd just crumble to the ground.

Jenny: Wainbow Day makes me sweepy. 

Batgirl: I saw the camera crew following the carriage.  Mace didn't look happy about it.  

Charlotte: I really don't understand Rayshawn's priorities.  For one thing, why is Martin getting a vote?  He's a child!  And there's been no romancing of the women... it's almost like he's interviewing them for a job. 

Batgirl: Well, I imagine it's hard to romance anyone with a camera crew over your shoulder.  And in a sense, courtship is a job interview.  If Joe hadn't met my requirements for a husband, I wouldn't be with him now. 

Charlotte: You and I have very different requirements for a husband, clearly.  

******

Rayshawn joins Charlotte before his time with Sally and Seven.

Rayshawn: What do you think?  

Charlotte: I'm still stuck on Rallee Jones as a government figure.  With her half-shaved head and bastard daughter?  Seriously? 

Rayshawn: You have a bastard of your own, if memory serves. 

Charlotte: I do not!  Billy adopted Christopher! 

Rayshawn: What about the Carsons?  The only one of them unwilling to help was Bonnie, and she had good reason. Marty's already friends with Tommy, too.

Charlotte:  Dullest family ever.  And I don't even think those boys are really gay - they certainly don't act like it. Holding hands... big deal.

Rayshawn: Well, your pet's mothers weren't exactly slobbering all over each other, and none of them want to work at The Point.  Not even Esperanza - she thinks she's going to be a star.  (melodramatic gesture) I'm not even sure how that girl came from Bertie and Daisy, honestly, they're so grounded.

*****

Since neither of the two remaining ladies have family nearby to meet, Rayshawn takes each of them on an extra long carriage ride and discuss the matter.

Marty: Hey, look, Sally, we match! 

Sally: Yes, we do.  (To Rayshawn) Honestly, I don't understand.  You allow him to play with girl toys and wear girl clothes and now we're at a Pride Rally.  Is he gay?  Do you want him to be? 

Rayshawn: Do you have a problem with gays?  

Sally: It's just not natural.  If men were intended to be with men, children would result.  It's like a cat mating with a dog or something. 

Marty: Boys and girls do lots of stuff that don't make babies.  (starts to list them, beginning with condoms, but Rayshawn hushes him)  So, Sally... do you come from a big family? 

Sally: I do.  We all work with livestock, in some form.  None of them would be willing to confine themselves to living or working in town like this, but I can't do that anymore and must find something! 

Rayshawn: None of your family can take you in? 

Sally: No one has room for dead weight. Why, I can't even work as a flag girl at the rodeo anymore, not with my face disfigured.  My only option is to find a husband who doesn't mind that. I'm a great cook.  I'll make a good wife. 

******

Seven's turn!

As they start out, Tierra runs over.

Tierra: Thank you so much, Rayshawn!  I got the best job from your friend!  (to Seven)  She owns an amusement park and wanted to bring in costumed characters, maybe a little show or two... and I'm totally in charge of that!  

Rayshawn: I hoped you could work with them.  Not exactly Broadway, but it pays good and you can keep your dignity. 

Tierra: Yes! Some women like (glances at Marty) exotic dancing, but not me.  The theater I was interning at got mad when I said I was staying in Barbieville, but I gotta do what I gotta do! 

Seven: I'm so happy for her!  And you - a lot of men would've just rejected her and shipped her off. 

Rayshawn: I rejected her as a wife, not as a person.  Remember, I did ship off Reggie V.

Marty: She was so stuck up, she probably thinks she rejected you. 

Seven:  Well, I guess you want to hear about my family, since that's today's focus.  I've got 3 siblings. We've all got diplomas, but there was no money for college. We all went right to work.  Some of us even worked before graduating.  We're all single, no kids. 

Rayshawn: What about your parents? 

Seven: Nasty divorce, a long time ago.  None of us have much to do with either of them, honestly, because it's constant rant about how horrible the other parent is.  Just toxic. 

Marty: Do you like gay people? 

Seven: I would have refused to come here today if I had a problem with anyone represented by this festival.  (glances at Rayshawn) Is that part of today's test? 

Rayshawn:  It wasn't originally.  I made the mistake of assuming anyone who participated in something like this was pretty open-minded.   

The EVPs

 Jeremiah tells the team to listen closely to the audio files from Peeta and Frodo's equipment.  

Peeta: Do the motion sensors first.  I'm sure we got something there, the way that one kept falling despite being weighted.  (The data comes up on Jeremiah's screen.  It's like a flatlined heart monitor, but the line wiggles slightly before a large jump.  The pattern repeats twice.)  That was me making it stay upright.  We stepped out of range and started doing EVPs.

The line on the screen remains flat, except for rapid bursts of small spikes. 

Jeremiah (to Esperanza, the team rookie): Normal footfalls, like Peeta and Frodo would have made, don't look like that.  Might be small animals.  Remember, we never assume it's paranormal until we've eliminated all other possibilities.  

Peeta: We put down the powder.  No paw prints.  

Frodo:  The EVP we got definitely isn't animals.  Give it a listen.  (To Esperanza) Electronic Voice Phenomena.  

Jeremiah cues up the file.  Frodo is heard asking any spirits to talk to him, then a distorted voice is heard.  The voice is followed by distant childish laughter and Jeremiah pauses the recording for input from the team.  

Frodo: Can't catch me.  

Jeremiah: I hear "fantasy".

Esperanza: No, it's "don't touch me".  

Jeremiah (to Esperanza): You see how we all hear it differently.  That's the norm.  A clear EVP is rare.

The recording continues with the laughter and Frodo asking "who are you?" Jeremiah pauses it again after the voice, or a similar one, responds.

Jeremiah: Antonio?  Did we just get a name? 

Nova: Sounds like "don't I know" to me. 

Frodo: Float my boat.

Hagrid: Broke my nose.

Esperanza: Man, this is nothing like those ghost shows.  They're always like "oh, yes, a kid named Antonio dropped dead in this very spot in 1834".  

Hagrid: They get the history and stuff beforehand, don't they? They're listening for certain things.  It's like that thing with faces, para-doily, but with ears instead of eyes.  This way we'll know it's probably Antonio if we find an Antonio in the history.

Jimin: That's why we avoid places like Lizzie Borden's house - everyone knows that story, everyone has opinions, so they're likely to hear what they want.  (laughs) I saw on one of those shows, they insisted the EVP said "Lizzie killed me" but it sounded to me like "feta cheese".

Ken:  Normally all we can make out is vowel sounds and tone.  It's like back in the day, when everyone was hearing devil messages in records played backwards.  What we do is note what our impressions are and then compare to the history.  

Esperanza: Play that last one, the one from near the log ride. 

Nova: Hey, that's my husband you're bossing around!  (To Jeremiah) Play it.

Jeremiah plays it. 

Jimin: Leave me alone.

Esperanza: Repeat the note.  

Ghosts and Gossip

 

Doll County Paranormal begins an investigation of local amusement park Witch's Cove.  They split into teams of two.

Jimin:  The most common mistakes made by beginners are pareidolia and backscatter. 

Esperanza: I know about pareidolia.  That's when we see a face where there is no face, because our brains are wired to look for them.  We use it in theater, for subliminal creepiness in a scary production.  

Jimin: Good.  Backscatter is when things like dust are mistaken for ghostly orbs.  Always look for a practical explanation first.  And don't take it to heart if we tease you.  We're still teasing Nova about a screech owl.  

Nova: We're picking up something.  Quit leaning on the post and take some pictures.  

Ken: I'm just catching my breath.  

Nova: Take pictures while you do it.  Especially towards the Raging Rapids - I feel like something that direction is watching us. 

Hagrid: Check this out. 

Kenna: That's probably radio transmissions.  A steel coaster is basically just a big twisted antenna. 

Hagrid: Sure, some of it.  Maybe even most of it.  But there's weirdness on each end of the frequency range.  Spikes at the same time, on each end.

Frodo: This path is supposed to be a very active area.  Jeremiah wants the trip sensors on either side.  Mine's good, but what is going on at your end?  You got fairies dancing around over there? 

Peeta: Only fairy around here is me, smarty pants.  I can't get the damn sensor cone to stay upright.

Frodo: Sounds like a personal problem to me. 

******

Meanwhile: At Sunburst, after a meeting of the Teacher's Union.  

Rallee: I'm glad we got everything sorted.  I was really dreading a strike.  As superintendent, I get all the blame if that happens.  Maybe I should try for that new WDLC show.  I could retire from the whole mess.

Gwen: I'm actually thinking about applying.  I love to teach, but I sure ain't in it for the money. 

Snape: It's practically prostitution, Gwen! 

Rallee: It can be argued that all marriage is prostitution.  

Gwen: You both are such sourpusses.  Why am I sitting with you? 

Suzie: You aren't seriously?

Doreen:  Already mailed the application packet.  I'm not desperate for a man to define me, never have been, but I get tired of sleeping alone.  Two of my kids are grown and in serious relationships.  Tommy's the same age as the potential stepchild.  

Suzie:  Two?  Who is Bonnie dating? 

Midna: Everything good?  Anyone need a refill?

McG: Perhaps you can settle an argument for us.  How do you feel about this Mrs. Moneybags program WDLC will be putting on? 

Midna (shrugs): It's not anything I'm interested in.  Seems like a goofy way to get a husband, but I've seen goofier.  

Susan: You agree, then, that there's nothing immoral or unethical about it?

Nancy:  But it's so decidedly unromantic! 

McG:  Not all women can be as fortunate as we are.  Particularly in modern society.  

Nancy:  My daughters are grown, so I can't forbid them, but I have strongly advised against it.  

McG: I'd tell my daughter it's a bad idea if she shows an interest in anything but dinosaurs.  If she ever marries, it's bound to be a Velociraptor.