Mrs. Moneybags At Pride

 Rayshawn hosts a day at the privately funded Pride Event, held for the second year by Zenobia Malfoy.  This gives him a chance to get acquainted with the families of his prospective brides... at least, the ones with family in town.  Doreen's goes first.

Tommy: It will be so cool if we end up being stepbrothers!  Do you think your dad would adopt us?  Can you adopt grownups? 

Marty: I'd get two brothers and a sister just like that - BAM.   

Tommy: And Peeta.  Someday he's gonna be a brother in law.  Not sure about Jimin, he's pretty new. 

Rayshawn: If your mom wins this thing, would any of you be interested in going to work at The Point?  She says she intends to continue to teach, but her weekends and summers are negotiable. 

Bonnie: Absolutely not.  I have a career at the Probation Office.  

Ken: I don't see why not, if it doesn't get in the way of school.  I plan to be a teacher like Mom.  

Peeta: Does that offer include in-laws?  (To Doreen)  Yes, we're finally getting around to planning a wedding.  

*****

Next, he meets Gwen's sister and niece.

Rallee: Before you ask... no, I will not work at The Point.  I busted my butt to be Superintendent of Schools and plan to stay on track to better education for as many kids as possible.  

Gwen: She's gonna be Secretary of Education someday, just watch.  If not President.  

Rallee: President?  (laughs) Can you imagine?

Rayshawn: Actually, I can.  Gwen speaks very highly of you, and so does almost everyone else in this town.  

Rallee: Well, I speak just as highly of her.  Gwen's been my rock, all my life.   

Marty: So you might be my cousin soon.  I don't know what to do with a cousin. 

Luna: Neither do I!  (both laugh) It's always just been the three of us, ever since I can remember.  My grandparents died when I was a baby and my dad ran off before I was born.  

****

After lunch, it's time for the Hernandez clan. Charlotte shows up with them, having taken Esperanza under her wing.

Daisy: We wouldn't come to work for you, no.  Bertie is an anchor on the local news and I'm happy at the grocery store.  Besides, we wouldn't want to meddle in Esper's marriage.  

Rayshawn: That's not a bad policy, generally speaking.  My first marriage was a disaster because meddling is all her family did.  They're having fits now because I kept Marty for the summer, said I should just do this on my own and Marty would have to live with my choice. 

Bertie: As unorthodox as this is, I applaud your including the boy.  He's going to have to live with the woman, he should have some say in the matter.  

*****

Rayshawn takes Esperanza on a carriage ride, as he's done with each lady after meeting the family.  Charlotte's sister finds her sitting alone after Bertie and Daisy leave.

Charlotte: Why are you carrying that child?  Her legs work.

Batgirl: She's exhausted.  If I stood her up right now, she'd just crumble to the ground.

Jenny: Wainbow Day makes me sweepy. 

Batgirl: I saw the camera crew following the carriage.  Mace didn't look happy about it.  

Charlotte: I really don't understand Rayshawn's priorities.  For one thing, why is Martin getting a vote?  He's a child!  And there's been no romancing of the women... it's almost like he's interviewing them for a job. 

Batgirl: Well, I imagine it's hard to romance anyone with a camera crew over your shoulder.  And in a sense, courtship is a job interview.  If Joe hadn't met my requirements for a husband, I wouldn't be with him now. 

Charlotte: You and I have very different requirements for a husband, clearly.  

******

Rayshawn joins Charlotte before his time with Sally and Seven.

Rayshawn: What do you think?  

Charlotte: I'm still stuck on Rallee Jones as a government figure.  With her half-shaved head and bastard daughter?  Seriously? 

Rayshawn: You have a bastard of your own, if memory serves. 

Charlotte: I do not!  Billy adopted Christopher! 

Rayshawn: What about the Carsons?  The only one of them unwilling to help was Bonnie, and she had good reason. Marty's already friends with Tommy, too.

Charlotte:  Dullest family ever.  And I don't even think those boys are really gay - they certainly don't act like it. Holding hands... big deal.

Rayshawn: Well, your pet's mothers weren't exactly slobbering all over each other, and none of them want to work at The Point.  Not even Esperanza - she thinks she's going to be a star.  (melodramatic gesture) I'm not even sure how that girl came from Bertie and Daisy, honestly, they're so grounded.

*****

Since neither of the two remaining ladies have family nearby to meet, Rayshawn takes each of them on an extra long carriage ride and discuss the matter.

Marty: Hey, look, Sally, we match! 

Sally: Yes, we do.  (To Rayshawn) Honestly, I don't understand.  You allow him to play with girl toys and wear girl clothes and now we're at a Pride Rally.  Is he gay?  Do you want him to be? 

Rayshawn: Do you have a problem with gays?  

Sally: It's just not natural.  If men were intended to be with men, children would result.  It's like a cat mating with a dog or something. 

Marty: Boys and girls do lots of stuff that don't make babies.  (starts to list them, beginning with condoms, but Rayshawn hushes him)  So, Sally... do you come from a big family? 

Sally: I do.  We all work with livestock, in some form.  None of them would be willing to confine themselves to living or working in town like this, but I can't do that anymore and must find something! 

Rayshawn: None of your family can take you in? 

Sally: No one has room for dead weight. Why, I can't even work as a flag girl at the rodeo anymore, not with my face disfigured.  My only option is to find a husband who doesn't mind that. I'm a great cook.  I'll make a good wife. 

******

Seven's turn!

As they start out, Tierra runs over.

Tierra: Thank you so much, Rayshawn!  I got the best job from your friend!  (to Seven)  She owns an amusement park and wanted to bring in costumed characters, maybe a little show or two... and I'm totally in charge of that!  

Rayshawn: I hoped you could work with them.  Not exactly Broadway, but it pays good and you can keep your dignity. 

Tierra: Yes! Some women like (glances at Marty) exotic dancing, but not me.  The theater I was interning at got mad when I said I was staying in Barbieville, but I gotta do what I gotta do! 

Seven: I'm so happy for her!  And you - a lot of men would've just rejected her and shipped her off. 

Rayshawn: I rejected her as a wife, not as a person.  Remember, I did ship off Reggie V.

Marty: She was so stuck up, she probably thinks she rejected you. 

Seven:  Well, I guess you want to hear about my family, since that's today's focus.  I've got 3 siblings. We've all got diplomas, but there was no money for college. We all went right to work.  Some of us even worked before graduating.  We're all single, no kids. 

Rayshawn: What about your parents? 

Seven: Nasty divorce, a long time ago.  None of us have much to do with either of them, honestly, because it's constant rant about how horrible the other parent is.  Just toxic. 

Marty: Do you like gay people? 

Seven: I would have refused to come here today if I had a problem with anyone represented by this festival.  (glances at Rayshawn) Is that part of today's test? 

Rayshawn:  It wasn't originally.  I made the mistake of assuming anyone who participated in something like this was pretty open-minded.   

Almost Back To Normal

Taylor and Gabriella take Jenny and Fred to the beach.  It's not very hot out, so there aren't any crowds to worry about.

Fred: Look, it's Four and his mommy and brothers and Tris!  Kin we go say hi?

Taylor: Go on.  Remember the Germ Rules.

Four: Are the twins with you? 

Taylor: No, they're at work.  Painting social distancing reminders on the pavement.  Things like horseshoes in the merry-go-round line. Albus said if they gotta do it, they're gonna have fun with it. 

Esmeralda: I was just sending the boys up to the vending machines.  Would you like something?

Jenny: Do they gots candy bars?

Esmeralda: I already have some of those in my cooler bag.  We're out of drinks, though.

Taylor: Who was that with Kevin? 

Four: Ricky.  Or, as he prefers nowadays, Cedric. Mom told him he has to act the part if he wants to use an adult name.  Whenever he gets whiny, we just revert to calling him Ricky. 

Esmeralda: It's done wonders for his attitude.  

Gabriella: But his name's Richard, isn't it?

Esmeralda:  He didn't want to end up being Dick Eaton, for obvious reasons. Cedric is his middle name.

Taylor: I didn't even recognize him.

Four: My dad and your mom have had both families on lockdown.  You haven't seen him in months.  And, you know, puberty.

Tris: By the way, we talked to Rose-Grace about our wedding.  She said all the law requires is a public declaration of intent and signing the paperwork.  Saves us a lot of drama! 

Four: We're going so untraditional, it ain't even funny. 

Gabriella: Hey, it's your wedding. 

******

Hagrid, the caretaker of Doll County Wilderness Preserve, meets with Animal Control and the vet. 

James: How long have they been out here? 

Hagrid: Can't be more than 24 hours.  They weren't here yesterday.

Charlie: This is a new one on me.  Dogs, cats... but horses?  Why would anyone dump horses out here? 

Hagrid: Same reason they do any other critter.  They're disgusting, selfish idiots.

Charlie: Well, I can't take them to the animal shelter.  (to James)  And yours is a mobile clinic.  But I really don't think it's safe for them to stay here.

James: This is even weirder than you think.  They're perfectly healthy, from what I can tell, and look to be purebreds.  Very valuable animals.  

Hagrid (taking out his phone): I might have a foster home for them.  Let me make a call.

Charlie and James exchange a glance, both willing to bet they know who he's calling.

Mace: I see you managed to contain them.

Hagrid: The filly came along nicely, but those two colts... you gotta watch them.  That spotted one just likes to tease, running away and coming back like a boomerang.

Mace: Angus will be glad for the company.  He misses Silverstream. 

Hagrid: Dr. Potter said he'll be by your place tomorrow to give them a real exam.  You sure you're okay with baby-sitting them? 

Mace: I'm okay with adopting them if it comes to that.  I've  finally got grandkids that are interested in following in my footsteps!   

******

Albus meets with the mayor about Witch's Cove reopening.

Rose-Grace: All these measures look good, but why is she putting off opening until next year?

Albus: To quote her, the place is gonna be a hotbed of germs no matter how many changes we make.  This gives the experts time to cope and it won't break her bank.  Dent it real good, but not break it.  I doubt even Kida realized how well-off she left her girls. 

Rose-Grace: She told me once that she was probably a millionaire. 

Albus: I wouldn't be surprised.  She made money hand over fist and lived simple. 

Rose-Grace: What about the ghost hunt?  Is that still on?

Albus: Oh, yeah.  They're gonna release a joint DVD.  Good press and a bit of profit for both the park and the paranormal team. 

Santa Visits Barbieville!

Courtesy of the museum, Santa photos are free for children under the age of twelve.  He arrived this morning after the parade.

Boudica: Seriously, Mom, can't you get an older lady to play Mrs. Claus?  

Helena: Some children are frightened of Santa and the opposite of old and male....

Guinness and Boudica:  Is young and female.

Helena: Besides, you aren't his wife.  You're one of his elves. 

The Sulu children are first in line.

Vivica: Santa, this is our new baby.  Her name is Dixie.

Santa: And what would Dixie like me to bring her?

Vivica: She likes juice.  Can you bring her juice?

Santa: Of course.  What would you and Bobby like this year?

Bobby: A Switch and PlayStation and Xbox and lots of games and... 

Vivica: Hey! Mommy said no being a greedy butt! (to Santa) But yeah, we've tried to be good so you would bring us a video game system.  

Ty Dean is next.

Ty: My big brother says all of your reindeer are girls.  He says boy reindeers lose their antlers in the winter.  But Rudolph is a boy name, right? 

Santa: Well, now.  Frodo seems to be under the impression they're normal reindeer.  He's mistaken, of course, since normal reindeer cannot fly.  You may tell him that some of my deer are girls and some of them are boys.  

Ty: YES!  Thank you, Santa!  (Runs off without asking for anything.)

Jenny Montez pauses to show Santa her candy-cane dress before the picture is taken.

Jenny: You picked a good helper this year, Santa.  Boudica helps Doctor Marcus take care of my Uncle Billy.  

Santa (exchanging a glance with Boudica): It was very nice of her to help.  My wife and elves are all very busy, you know.  

Jenny: And last year her big sissy helped you, but that silly Zenobia pretended to be an elf.  Why'd she do that for? 

Santa: Today Boudica is an elf.  My helpers always are.

Jenny: What I would like for Christmas is a big-girl bicycle.  Wif training wheels, so Daddy can take them off when I get even bigger.  I have been very good and don't even sass Auntie Charlotte.

Guinness is surprised to see Anakin.  

Kelly: Oh, Santa, look!  This is Anakin and he's gonna be our uncle soon!  His mommy didn't let you come to her house, but now he lives with us and you can bring him goodies, too! 

Santa: Yes, of course I'll bring Anakin goodies.  What would you like, young man? 

Anakin: Nothing for me, sir.  I'm very happy with what I have. 

Kelly: Ask him to help your mommy not get sick no more!  (To Santa) Sometimes Pern takes medicine wrong.  But we don't want her to get dead. 

Roxy: Kelly!  What did Pocahontas tell us about don't tell secrets that can make people cry?

Anakin: That's not what she meant, Roxy.  (winks at "Santa") My mommy's problem isn't a secret, anyway. 

Kelly: Fine then.  You can ask for a car with muscles. 

Anakin: I'm too young for a car, goofball.  (To Santa) We will write to you at the North Pole with our wish lists. C'mon, girls, other kids are waiting!

The three youngest Pike children clamor onto Santa's lap.  Well, two of them - Orlando needs Boudica to soothe him a bit.  

Fred: My big brothers said to ask you for a really big toy box because my toys are taking over our room.  But me and the babies really bad want you to make a baby grow in Silvie's belly.

Santa (shocked): Silvie?  Sylvia Guinness?

Fred (giggling): No, silly.  Silver Stream.  Grandpa Mace's girl horse.

Santa (relieved): I'll see what I can do. 

Santa: Stacie, you didn't want to be in the picture? 

Stacie (leans close and whispers): I know that's you, Mr. Guinness, working for the real Santa.  Don't worry, I won't tell the littles.  Grandpa Mace will handle the horse baby thing.

Guinness: Good to know.  And thank you, Miss Pike.

Anakin: Come on, Stacie, hurry. Our grown-ups are waiting in the lobby.  We're going to the Oriental Buffet!  

Stacie: I love that place!  Sushi is so good! 

Anakin: Yuck.  Raw fish.  What did you say to him, anyway? 

Stacie: Just letting him know his secret's safe with me.  Besides, we know he's gonna report back to the real Santa.

Anakin: Uh, yeah.  No need to upset anyone, right? 

The Home Place

Doll County Day Care, early morning.

Jenny: Oh, boy, new giant dollies!  I love the new center so much!

Fred: And army dudes!

Batgirl: John, I don't think you've met my sister Charlotte.  She's considering your day care for her children.

John: Of course.  Step inside, Mrs. Jackson, and have a look around. 

Charlotte: Why are they all barefoot?

John: You'd be surprised how many germs ride on the soles of your shoes.  Also, it saves injuries if the kids get too rambunctious.

Batgirl (after Charlotte has gone inside): Don't count on her as a client.  She's probably not going to get custody - the judge has already awarded temporary custody to her stepson.  She's just keeping up appearances.

John: Shame.  Your girls were always a delight and if their cousins are anything like them...

Batgirl: Honestly, Joe and I have a better shot at custody than she does.  

John: I didn't know you were trying for custody.

Batgirl: We aren't.

Sylvia: Hi, I'm Miss Sylvia.  Welcome to bedlam.

Charlotte: You work here?  What are your qualifications?

Sylvia: My minor is in Education and I love children.  

Charlotte: And your Major?

Sylvia: Environmental Sciences.  I attend the local university.

Charlotte: What's this?  Surely the children aren't expected to read this?

Sylvia: Guidelines for the parents.  It amazes me how little some of them realize the needs of children.  My personal favorite is number 42.  

Jenny:  Look, Auntie Charlotte!  A astronaut lady doll! 

Charlotte: Be quiet, Jennifer, the adults are talking.

*****

Saturday morning, at the Oriental Buffet.

John: Pocahontas and I narrowed the options down to the houses we're looking at today and we want your opinions, since you'll be living there, too. 

Pocahontas:  If you have misgivings about a place, tell us.  No matter how dumb you might feel it is.  

Anakin: What if Mommy gets permission to have me again?  

Pocahontas: Then you'll have a nice place to visit your sisters.  Trust me, boy, we're still gonna be in your life unless she takes you to Mars.  

Anakin: Or maybe she could come live with all of us! 

Pocahontas (chuckles): I suppose anything is possible.  We're having this conversation, aren't we?  

Roxy: Cause of me and Anakin.

Kelly:  I helped! Dint I help, Nakoma? 

Nakoma: I'm sure you did.  Once we settle on a house, can we start planning a wedding?

John: What do you think?  Me and you could do some male bonding in that garage.

Kelly: I wanna male bondage, too! 

Anakin: Male means boy, you goofball.  Like rebuilding muscle cars together and stuff.

Kelly: Cars don't got muscles.  Daddy, tell him!  Cars got motors!

John (winks at Anakin): Yeah, Anakin, you goofball.  Cars don't got muscles.

Roxy: I like that porch and flowers all around it.

Pocahontas: Yes, but those flower beds take a lot of work to maintain.

Roxy: No problem.  Albus will come do it for us.  He has a nice garden at The Point.

Pocahontas: Albus will have his hands full with his own garden, wherever he ends up.  

Roxy: I still can't believe Batgirl's mean sister is making him move.

Pocahontas: Me, too.  But you know what?  I bet Albus would love to teach you how to garden.  Then, if we decide on this house, that will be your job.

Kelly (crying):  Don't like this house!  It is mean!

Anakin: There at the top of the steps, when you turn the corner toward the bedrooms.  I felt like zombies were gonna bust through the wall and eat me.  

Nakoma: I thought I was imagining things until I saw how you guys were reacting.  Roxy wouldn't even go up the stairs.  But John and Pocahontas didn't notice anything.

Anakin: Kids are more sensitive to stuff like that.  Ghosts or whatever.

Pocahontas: There seems to be a consensus on this house, but it's only three bedrooms.

Nakoma: Are you still on about that?  I told you I'm fine sharing.  But I do think we girls should get that room with the balcony.

Roxy: If we gotta fit three beds in there, shouldn't we take the biggest room?  The blue flowery bedroom is the biggest.

Nakoma: Kelly's is a toddler bed.  We can fit into the balcony room.

Pocahontas: Kelly will outgrow that toddler bed in no time.  Roxy's right.  Besides, I'm calling dibs on the balcony room.  

*****

Ladies' Lounge, Doll County Country Club.

Helena: Lottie Gordon.  I need to have words with you.

Charlotte: My name is not Lottie Gordon, it's Charlotte Jackson. What do you want, Helena?  Going to bully me some more like you did in school? 

Helena: What do you call buying out a major source of revenue for Barbieville and shutting it down?  I'd call that bullying.  

Charlotte:  I don't care.  I came back to rub it in all your faces that I'm not trailer trash anymore, and I'm going to do it.

Helena: No, Lottie, you are still trailer trash.  Money does not buy class. 

Charlotte:  I'll have you know -- 

Helena: I know what I need to know.  You will not put half of Barbieville out of work on my watch. 

Charlotte: You can't stop me.  I can buy and sell you fifty times over.

Helena: You can't buy and sell the entire town if we join forces against you.  And trust me, we will if you keep this up.  

***Reminder to readers: Charlotte's offspring live at Our Toy Story on Facebook.*****  

Change Is Good, Right?

Life moves on in Barbieville, with changes big and small.

Joe:  Your office is finished.  Again.

Pike: Well, at least you get a steady income from these constant remodels, right? 

Joe: That's true, but it's a little insulting since I did the last two jobs on it.

Pike checks out the "new" office.  

Joe:  Just for the record, I did not choose the wallpaper.  Your bosses did. 

Pike: I kind of like it.  Not as busy as the earlier one.  How's work on the new break room going? 

Joe: The hardest part was finding the best position of the dividing wall.  I wanted to give them room to relax a bit, but didn't want to leave your office too small, either.  

Pike: We usually only have one or two people at a time on break.  We don't need a very big area.

Joe: Well, it should be done tomorrow.  Maybe even by lunchtime.

*******

Grand Opening of Doll County Day Care's new location.

Jenny: Fred!  I dint know you was coming!  Your mommy had to go to work? 

Fred: Grampa Mace is making her shovel horse poop today.  Me and the babies don't wanna do that, so she bringed us here to play! 

Rose-Grace: Sorry for bringing them at the last minute.  I thought some of the older kids would watch them, but Dad's putting us all to work.  Getting the barn ready for winter is a big job. 

John: No problem.  Fred looked thrilled to be here. 

Rose-Grace: He was packing the diaper bag before I hung up the phone.  He's been bursting at the seams to see this place.  And all his little friends. 

John: The feeling is mutual.  We've all been bursting at the seams.  (laughs) Joe's wearing the same shirt as you.  Well, same pattern.  Are the dancing skeletons back into vogue? 

Rose-Grace:  Well, it is getting to be that time of year.  How are things going with Pocahontas?  

John: Great.  I went to see a realtor about selling my house.  Did you know they sell double-wides with up to five bedrooms now?  We might get one of those put in where her current trailer is.

Rose-Grace leaves.  Samara and Orlando join the rest of the children. 

Kelly: We dint go near the big windows, Daddy.  The floor is ax-id over there, right?  

John: Good idea.  Make a game of staying away. When they reinforce those lower panes, I'll magic the acid away and this play area won't be so crowded then.  

Wilma: How come they dint do that before?  We don't wanna fall to our dooms.

John (chuckles): It's just for my peace of mind. I'm a bit afraid of heights. 

*****

Evening at Sunburst.

Whitney: Ready to order, Mrs. Jackson? 

Charlotte (annoyed): My sister isn't here yet.  We'll summon you when we're ready to order, although what I'll find on this menu is beyond me.  

Whitney: The fish is today's special.

Charlotte:  I said we will let you know when we are ready.  Are you dense?

Whitney leaves to take care of her other customers.  Charlotte reaches for her phone right when Batgirl walks in.  

Charlotte: Dear God!  What are you wearing? 

Batgirl: Gabriella told me the seventies called, they want their pantsuit back. (shrugs) It's comfortable and I like it.

Once they've ordered and Whitney brings their drinks, they chat before Charlotte gets to the point.

Charlotte: Have you been talking to the boys' lawyer? 

Batgirl: Only because I want what's best for Mary-Kate and Max.  Charlotte, we both know you weren't cut out to be a mother and, frankly, I'm mystified that you ever had them. 

Charlotte: The only reason Kaden wants them is to control their shares of the estate when the time comes.  Dr. Eaton tried to get me to sign for Kaden to see the medical records.  As if I'm not seeing that my husband is well cared for. 

Batgirl: He isn't just your husband.  He's their father, too.  

Whitney brings their food.

Charlotte: I've eaten the finest Italian food, young lady, and this is a disgrace.  You call this spaghetti and meatballs? 

Batgirl:  This is Barbieville, not Naples.  (to Whitney) Can I get a refill on my drink?  

Whitney: Of course.  Mrs. Jackson, I can have the owner...  

Charlotte: I suppose I'll survive.  (Shoos Whitney away)

Whitney: How are you folks doing over here?  Everything good?

Ty: How come that lady's being such a meanie to you?

Whitney: I guess she's just had a bad day.  

Suzie (sarcastic): You'd think evicting old hippies would put her in a better mood.

Whitney (stifles a laugh): Albus will land on his feet.  He's such a sweetheart, half the town's offered him a place to stay.