Everyone's Talking About Phoebe

 The management of Witch's Cove and Doll County Paranormal finally meet about the postponed investigation.  

Jeremiah: Of course, any current employee of the amusement park that is also on my team will not be a part of the on-site work.  That's to protect everyone involved from accusations of staging.  Phoebe did do the research into the history of the park, collection of lore, but she will not be here for the active investigation.

Pocahontas: I'm curious about how this actually works.  I've watched the TV shows, of course, but they seem to skip a lot of detail work.  Fill me in. 

Jeremiah: I'm sending you a detailed list of our techniques, but I can give you an overview.  For one thing, we use scientific methods to do this.  No spirit boards or seances - those are largely for show and very hard to analyze the results of.  The closest we come to any of those things is the use of a medium.  

Pocahontas: That was my next question.  Your medium is a child? 

Jeremiah: My daughter Lottie.  Her gift is what got me into all this in the first place.  Now, let me qualify this by saying she doesn't actually talk to the spirits or get possessed or any of those kind of things.  Her great-grandmother explained it to me as seeing a silent movie, except it's based on feelings instead of actually seeing anything.

Pocahontas: Kind of like how you can sense a person in the room without seeing or hearing them?

Jeremiah: That's a good comparison.  One very important aspect of our method is that no one on my active investigation team will know what Phoebe's research turned up.  That way we know our observations aren't tainted.  We compare all that after the fact.

Pocahontas:  I noticed that on one of those shows - they got an EVP that they decided was "he killed me" when it sounded to me like it said "leaking".  

Jeremiah: Exactly.  They probably knew it was a murder site, and were expecting it.  We go in without expectations.  

*******

A few miles away, at Barbieville Middle School.

Guinness: Since we've finished with this unit early, I'll give you the rest of the class time to study or talk quietly.  We'll have the unit test tomorrow. 

He ignores the quiet scraping of desks being pushed closer.

Courtney: Any drama at your house this weekend?  We just had the usual with Charlotte.

Wendy: Whitney and Dad got into a big screaming match.  He's still after her to come work at the station and she doesn't want to.  Even if he hadn't been such a jerk when she had Wilma, Whitney just doesn't have an interest in broadcasting.  

Courtney: I understand he's mad at her for getting pregnant so young, but really, Whitney's a grown woman now.  And he had nothing to do with her or Wilma for years. 

Wendy: He's still got nothing to do with Wilma.  I wish he'd just go back in the hole he crawled out of. 

Ginny: That brother of yours ever gonna ask Becky out?  

Claudia: I wish he'd date somebody.  He spends way too much time parenting me!  He works, and goes to those Kin As Parents meetings, and that's it.  I mean, I get that he wants to take care of me, but he acts like I'm six.  

Nikki: I thought he was still hung up on Phoebe?  That him and Becky are just friends? 

Ginny: I told Becky to ask him out, but she's like Nikki.  Thinks he wants Phoebe back. 

Claudia: Becky, Phoebe, I don't even care at this point.  I just want him to find someone else to hover over. 

Santa Visits Barbieville!

Courtesy of the museum, Santa photos are free for children under the age of twelve.  He arrived this morning after the parade.

Boudica: Seriously, Mom, can't you get an older lady to play Mrs. Claus?  

Helena: Some children are frightened of Santa and the opposite of old and male....

Guinness and Boudica:  Is young and female.

Helena: Besides, you aren't his wife.  You're one of his elves. 

The Sulu children are first in line.

Vivica: Santa, this is our new baby.  Her name is Dixie.

Santa: And what would Dixie like me to bring her?

Vivica: She likes juice.  Can you bring her juice?

Santa: Of course.  What would you and Bobby like this year?

Bobby: A Switch and PlayStation and Xbox and lots of games and... 

Vivica: Hey! Mommy said no being a greedy butt! (to Santa) But yeah, we've tried to be good so you would bring us a video game system.  

Ty Dean is next.

Ty: My big brother says all of your reindeer are girls.  He says boy reindeers lose their antlers in the winter.  But Rudolph is a boy name, right? 

Santa: Well, now.  Frodo seems to be under the impression they're normal reindeer.  He's mistaken, of course, since normal reindeer cannot fly.  You may tell him that some of my deer are girls and some of them are boys.  

Ty: YES!  Thank you, Santa!  (Runs off without asking for anything.)

Jenny Montez pauses to show Santa her candy-cane dress before the picture is taken.

Jenny: You picked a good helper this year, Santa.  Boudica helps Doctor Marcus take care of my Uncle Billy.  

Santa (exchanging a glance with Boudica): It was very nice of her to help.  My wife and elves are all very busy, you know.  

Jenny: And last year her big sissy helped you, but that silly Zenobia pretended to be an elf.  Why'd she do that for? 

Santa: Today Boudica is an elf.  My helpers always are.

Jenny: What I would like for Christmas is a big-girl bicycle.  Wif training wheels, so Daddy can take them off when I get even bigger.  I have been very good and don't even sass Auntie Charlotte.

Guinness is surprised to see Anakin.  

Kelly: Oh, Santa, look!  This is Anakin and he's gonna be our uncle soon!  His mommy didn't let you come to her house, but now he lives with us and you can bring him goodies, too! 

Santa: Yes, of course I'll bring Anakin goodies.  What would you like, young man? 

Anakin: Nothing for me, sir.  I'm very happy with what I have. 

Kelly: Ask him to help your mommy not get sick no more!  (To Santa) Sometimes Pern takes medicine wrong.  But we don't want her to get dead. 

Roxy: Kelly!  What did Pocahontas tell us about don't tell secrets that can make people cry?

Anakin: That's not what she meant, Roxy.  (winks at "Santa") My mommy's problem isn't a secret, anyway. 

Kelly: Fine then.  You can ask for a car with muscles. 

Anakin: I'm too young for a car, goofball.  (To Santa) We will write to you at the North Pole with our wish lists. C'mon, girls, other kids are waiting!

The three youngest Pike children clamor onto Santa's lap.  Well, two of them - Orlando needs Boudica to soothe him a bit.  

Fred: My big brothers said to ask you for a really big toy box because my toys are taking over our room.  But me and the babies really bad want you to make a baby grow in Silvie's belly.

Santa (shocked): Silvie?  Sylvia Guinness?

Fred (giggling): No, silly.  Silver Stream.  Grandpa Mace's girl horse.

Santa (relieved): I'll see what I can do. 

Santa: Stacie, you didn't want to be in the picture? 

Stacie (leans close and whispers): I know that's you, Mr. Guinness, working for the real Santa.  Don't worry, I won't tell the littles.  Grandpa Mace will handle the horse baby thing.

Guinness: Good to know.  And thank you, Miss Pike.

Anakin: Come on, Stacie, hurry. Our grown-ups are waiting in the lobby.  We're going to the Oriental Buffet!  

Stacie: I love that place!  Sushi is so good! 

Anakin: Yuck.  Raw fish.  What did you say to him, anyway? 

Stacie: Just letting him know his secret's safe with me.  Besides, we know he's gonna report back to the real Santa.

Anakin: Uh, yeah.  No need to upset anyone, right? 

Beginnings

When Albus reports for work early Friday morning, he finds his boss on her phone.

Pocahontas (Waving him into the room): I'll make some calls and everything should be in place by the time she arrives.  I have a lot of connections in this town.  

Albus (once she hangs up): What in the world is going on?

Pocahontas: Anakin's mother relapsed.  She spent the night in the hospital and now she's on a bus to Barbieville.  The judge was happy to pass her on to the system out here.  Apparently that area's been hit hard by the opioid epidemic.

Albus: How did the boy take it?

Pocahontas: He doesn't know yet.  I saw no reason to upset him when everything was still being decided.  

Albus: They've simply released her into your care?  What about all those rules regarding her being an unfit mother?

Pocahontas: As long as she doesn't live in the same house as Anakin and has supervised visits, it isn't a problem.  I do have to find her a job and a place to live - not with you, pothead.

Albus: I was going to say... Can she work for you?  

Pocahontas: No, but I'm sure I can call in some favors.  And there's always Midna.

*****

 Zenobia's studio is bursting at the seams.

Zenobia: Today we start the Openly Biased series on bullying.  I'll let each of you introduce yourself.

Suzie:  I'm Susannah Dean, elementary school phys ed teacher.

Dean: Dean Mellark, principal of Barbieville High.  Go, Spiders!

Nancy: Nancy Guinness.  I teach Sex Ed on the Middle and High School levels.

Guinness: I'm Alec Guinness, Middle School Social Studies.  I'm related to Nancy by marriage - namely our own.

Zenobia: Strangely, only the local public schools seem willing to admit bullying happens on their campus.  Several others refused to consider allowing faculty to appear on my program. (Snicker from off-camera.)  Including the one attended by my camera operator.

Guinness: Your camera operator attends a private school.  To admit such a thing could hurt the image and, frankly, income of the institution.  Of course bullying happens there - it is ubiquitous. 

Nancy: One thing that comes up often as a means of preventing bullying is the adoption of school uniforms.  I speak from experience when I say uniforms won't stop bullies.  A bully will always find something. 

Dean: Another problem in defining the term.  Where does peer pressure end and bullying begin?  My son can ignore obvious bullies, but some of his peers crumble at a passing remark.  

Suzie: Yes.  There are so many variables at play, it's almost impossible to know.  I have a group of friends in my classes who show affection by insulting one another.  The days of the obvious "Give me your lunch money" bully is ancient history.

Zenobia: And bullies are slick, too.  They don't walk up in front of the teacher and call you names - they do it away from adults and cry victim when you take a swing at them.  The one who retaliates gets in trouble. 

Nancy: I once had a student who was instigating every one of the incidents that she reported.  We only caught on when she was overheard.  She all but confessed, not knowing there was a student teacher standing right behind her.

Zenobia: So you, at the school, are powerless?  

Suzie: Of course we aren't powerless.  We just can't do it alone.  Parents undermine us all the time, usually by refusing to believe their little angel could do such a thing.  Adults don't always treat others with respect, and children mimic adult behavior. It really is an uphill battle.

Guinness: Nancy and I recently had to deal with learning that our own son was a bully.  We, and the other adults in his life, made it clear that his behavior was not acceptable. It took a united front to show him the error of his ways.  

Zenobia: And he's agreed to guest on the Reformed Bullies segment of this series.  Viewers, feel free to ask questions in the comments section.  If I must, I will have guests return to explore the issue as completely as we can. 

The outro plays over footage of Zenobia and her guests chatting.

******

Early evening, back in Pocahontas's office.

Bonnie: I'm Bonnie Carson, probation officer for Doll County.  I'll be handling Pernilla Nedakh's case now.  Do you have all the paperwork ready for me? 

Pocahontas: Bonnie, you don't need to be so formal.  We graduated together.  (Both women laugh.) I've found her a hotel room until she gets on her feet - the judge said that would be acceptable - and she'll be cooking at Sunburst. 

Bonnie: Sunburst?  That's not far removed from being in your employ, but I guess it will do.  Midna makes her employees toe the line.  (She leaves after reviewing the paperwork.)

Pern:  Thank you so much!  All the things you've do for me.... 

Pocahontas: I haven't done anything for you.  This was all for Anakin.  That boy loves you so much.  More than you deserve, from what I can tell. 

Pern (blinking back tears):  You are so right - I don't deserve his love, he's such a wonderful boy.  Will you help me be strong, for him?  Will you help me like my so-called friends back home didn't?  

Pocahontas: Of course.  But fair warning... I'm the queen of tough love. 

Pern: Tough love is probably exactly what I need. 

Questions

Early Saturday afternoon, the Pike residence. 

Bobby: Giddy up, lion!

Vivica: That's a tiger, you dummy.

Fred: I wonder what was in that letter John gave our big people.  My daddy said bad words when he read it and now they're having a big meeting.

Bobby: I hope nobody gots bugs. 

Wilma: No, if it was bugs, my mommy and grandma wouldn't let me come play with you guys. 

Fred: Maybe Jenny or Ty gots bugs. They had to stay home with the big kids. 

Sulu: Thanks for coming.  And thank you, Rose-Grace, for letting us meet here.  

Rose-Grace: It's only logical.  I've got the most room. 

Sulu: We all got the letter from John.  We can't let this happen, and I'm not just saying that because he's my best friend.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not willing to drive my kids all the way across the county to let people I've never met take care of them. 

Suzie: Ty is devastated.  He loves John.  And we need the day care more than ever, with Frodo working now.  

Eddie: I don't understand why John is suddenly an unfit care giver.  They've known all along that he doesn't have a diploma or any kind of formal training.  

Joe: They're doing it for legal reasons.  We decided Jenny's old enough to go to work with me.  If I feel it's not safe, I'll do the work on Batgirl's days off so she can stay home.  

Batgirl: But we're open to a better idea.  Right, Joe?

Joe: Jenny would miss her friends if we have to do that.  We'll hear you out, Sulu.

Eddie: We're kind of stuck, though.  Town employees have to send their kids to county day care agencies.  It's in the contract. 

Rose-Grace: No, we get free day care if we use county facilities.  We're allowed to pay out-of-pocket for other options.  I only use John during the school year.  On summer break, Taylor and Nikki babysit.

Eddie: So I could pay your girls to babysit Ty?

Lynch hurries up the steps onto the deck and hugs her husband. 

Lynch:  Sorry I'm late.  I had a bit of inter-agency drama. 

Sulu: We're just getting started.

Lynch: I'll tell you, I am livid.  Our children have had enough turmoil in their lives without having John taken away from them.  Vivica in particular - John is one of the few men she feels safe with. 

Whitney (painfully aware of her youth): Too bad we can't set John up in business for himself. 

Rose-Grace: Whitney Darling!  You might be a genius! 

Whitney: Wait, what?

Rose-Grace:  We've got all those initiatives to lure businesses into Scott's stupid skyscrapers.  I just might be able to find one that meets our needs.  

Whitney: Wow.  I was just trying to inject some levity.

Rose-Grace:  Honey, right now, you might be the new queen of levity!

Meanwhile, on the Muneca Lake Beach.

Nancy: Who is that man?  

Guinness:  If you're going to look at other men, do you have to tell me about it? 

Nancy:  Seriously, there's something very familiar about that man.  I feel like I should recognize him. 

The man in question.  

An Evening Of Glamour

Prom Night

The twins pose with their dates before leaving for the big dance.  

Tanner:  How long does it take you to snap a photo, Step-Mom? 

Finnick: Give her a break, man.  She isn't a pro like Mom.

Guinness and McG are chaperoning the event.  They retire to a corner, not wishing to intrude on the fun any more than needed. 

McG: You probably know the Pike twins...  they're my grandsons. 

Guinness: I'm sure you know, then, about my son and the reasons behind his absence.  He's been, shall we say, less than a gentlemen in recent months.  

McG: I've heard the stories.  I do have to say I'm surprised you've included Prom.  

Guinness (slyly):  I assumed he wouldn't want to attend.  Why, at any minute a gang fight or a war dance might break out. Perhaps even a Food Stamp exchange.  

McG:  I don't know if I'm shocked or amused.

Guinness: Why not both?

Finnick: Wow.  Most of us don't even look like us any more.  

Nakoma: I think that's the idea.  We aren't us tonight, we're aristocrats or something.

Finnick:  Excuse me, ma'am, are you implying that my girlfriend is anything less than a lady?

Tris: But the photo package is so expensive.

Four: Mom insisted we get it.  You can argue with her.

Whitney: I can't believe I'm dancing with you like this.  It's like a dream come true.

Tanner: And all it took was a mad arsonist damn near killing me.

Whitney: Are all the Pike boys too dense to see that a girl likes him? 

Tanner: Fred and Orlando are a little young yet. 

Raven: I can't believe Mom wanted us to come together. 

Peeta: We did come together.

Raven: I mean together together.  Sorry, but my stepbrother is not gonna be my Prom date.

Peeta: Oh, yeah.  That was weird.  I guess she just figured it was better than not having a date.

Raven: As if.

Prom Royalty: Mariko Nakano and Frodo Dean.

Everybody dance now!

Dance the night away!

Shake your groove thing!

Frodo likes to watch.

Day Of Rest? Where?

Sunday in Barbieville, the day after the fire at Witch's Cove.  

Marcus: Hold your horses, Albus!  Even if your oxygen levels didn't need to monitored, I wouldn't let you go home until I know you're mobile on the crutches.

Albus (slightly breathless): I'm good, Doc.  Ask Pocahontas, she was down at PT with me.

Marcus: And she sees how short of breath you are.  You could pass out, fall down the stairs, and end up right back in here.

Albus: I don't have any stairs.

Pocahontas: Albus, unless you want to hobble across town on those crutches, you aren't going anywhere until Doc clears you.  

Albus: I'm telling you, I'm fine.  And what about my garden?

Pocahontas: Anakin is taking care of the garden.  He's there even as we speak. 

Albus: He is very good with the plants.  Told me his mother kept a garden.

Detective Spiro interrupts the Sunday yard work at the Guinness home. 

Detective: I understand you've had long-standing issues with Tanner Pike, Ryan.

Ryan: He kicked my ass once, if that's what you mean.  You think I started that fire at the park? That's...  I'd actually try to kill people just because Tanner can't take a joke? 

Guinness: The fire yesterday?  My wife, daughters, and I can account for Ryan's every moment in nearly a month.  He's been under house arrest. 

Detective: You mean grounded? 

Ryan: No, he means this place is practically a prison.  Even in the bathroom, I got one of them outside the door!  

Guinness: Prisons have communal showers, do they not?

At the Pike house, most of the family is sleeping in.  It was a late night.

Nikki: You're playing with the dollhouse?  Where's the real Stacie?

Stacie: I was gonna give them to Anakin.  He really likes dolls and his mom never let him have any cause he's a boy.  But look how much Samara and Orlando like this stuff!

Rose-Grace comes in, carrying a freshly bathed Fred.

Fred: You gits to put my clothes on! 

Nikki: Quiet.  Taylor's still sleeping.

Rose-Grace: I have to go to the office.  Finnick has gone to pick up Tanner at the hospital, Dad's still sleeping, and this one wants to be a nudist.  

Nikki: You have to go to the office?  On Sunday?

The twins are met in the driveway by Frodo and Four.  They settle into the Boy Cave before talking.

Four: A broken wrist and smoke inhalation was the worst of it?  I've been freaking out since I heard and that's all it was?

Tanner: No, my legs are all bandaged up.  Doc says they're minor burns, but they sure as hell don't look or feel minor.  And Albus broke his ankle.

Finnick: He had a flashback, too.  Nakoma said from the Vietnam War. Had to call us into his hospital room and apologize for the things he said, as if we understood that language.  He could've been telling us the password to Area 51 for all we knew.

Tanner: Whitney came to see me last night.  We're a thing now.

Frodo:  What?! (catches himself) That's great.  I guess you were the dude Nakoma mentioned.

Tanner: I know you liked her, man.  Don't play like this isn't gonna bother you. 

Frodo: My heart ain't broken.  Dented, maybe.  (Waves the issue away) I'm happy for you.

Tanner: Really?  You're okay?

Frodo: I will be.  

Four distracts Finnick, letting the other two talk. 

Four: You gonna let me sign that cast?

Finnick:  Why would I want "Four loves Tris" written all over my arm?  

Rose-Grace is surprised to see John Smith walk in with Detective Spiro.  

Detective: John caught our arsonist in the act, but he got away from him. 

John: My place was on fire!  I wasn't about to let it burn down with my daughters inside! 

Rose-Grace: He set fire to your house?  Not the day care? 

John: My house is the day care - we have an apartment upstairs like Violet did. I went out to warm up the car before church and saw somebody in the back, the playground.  He took off running when I yelled, but he'd already started the fire.  I grabbed the hose. I didn't even think about chasing him.

Rose-Grace: As you should have.  Don't let anyone tell you different. 

Detective: I'm having several suspects picked up for questioning.  Do you know of anyone who might want to harm the Smiths?

John: She thinks Pocahontas did this.  Like Pocahontas would set fire to her own place and damn near kill people just to throw cops off the scent.  Or burn down her best friend's diner.

Rose-Grace: There's no evidence these were all set by the same person, John.  Who is with your girls right now? 

John: They're at the park with some friends and their parents.  We saw them on the way here and I figured that'd be better than dragging them to this meeting.

Rose-Grace: Unless Detective Spiro needs you for anything, you can go ahead and leave.  Give them hugs from me.

The rest of the weekend passes uneventfully.  Monday is a Teacher In-Service, so there is no school, but late Monday night (early Tuesday morning), Fred rushes upstairs.

Pike (groggy): What is it, son?

Freddy: Finnick said get you.  Tanner is crying and his leg ouchies look like volcanoes.