Everyone's Talking About Phoebe

 The management of Witch's Cove and Doll County Paranormal finally meet about the postponed investigation.  

Jeremiah: Of course, any current employee of the amusement park that is also on my team will not be a part of the on-site work.  That's to protect everyone involved from accusations of staging.  Phoebe did do the research into the history of the park, collection of lore, but she will not be here for the active investigation.

Pocahontas: I'm curious about how this actually works.  I've watched the TV shows, of course, but they seem to skip a lot of detail work.  Fill me in. 

Jeremiah: I'm sending you a detailed list of our techniques, but I can give you an overview.  For one thing, we use scientific methods to do this.  No spirit boards or seances - those are largely for show and very hard to analyze the results of.  The closest we come to any of those things is the use of a medium.  

Pocahontas: That was my next question.  Your medium is a child? 

Jeremiah: My daughter Lottie.  Her gift is what got me into all this in the first place.  Now, let me qualify this by saying she doesn't actually talk to the spirits or get possessed or any of those kind of things.  Her great-grandmother explained it to me as seeing a silent movie, except it's based on feelings instead of actually seeing anything.

Pocahontas: Kind of like how you can sense a person in the room without seeing or hearing them?

Jeremiah: That's a good comparison.  One very important aspect of our method is that no one on my active investigation team will know what Phoebe's research turned up.  That way we know our observations aren't tainted.  We compare all that after the fact.

Pocahontas:  I noticed that on one of those shows - they got an EVP that they decided was "he killed me" when it sounded to me like it said "leaking".  

Jeremiah: Exactly.  They probably knew it was a murder site, and were expecting it.  We go in without expectations.  

*******

A few miles away, at Barbieville Middle School.

Guinness: Since we've finished with this unit early, I'll give you the rest of the class time to study or talk quietly.  We'll have the unit test tomorrow. 

He ignores the quiet scraping of desks being pushed closer.

Courtney: Any drama at your house this weekend?  We just had the usual with Charlotte.

Wendy: Whitney and Dad got into a big screaming match.  He's still after her to come work at the station and she doesn't want to.  Even if he hadn't been such a jerk when she had Wilma, Whitney just doesn't have an interest in broadcasting.  

Courtney: I understand he's mad at her for getting pregnant so young, but really, Whitney's a grown woman now.  And he had nothing to do with her or Wilma for years. 

Wendy: He's still got nothing to do with Wilma.  I wish he'd just go back in the hole he crawled out of. 

Ginny: That brother of yours ever gonna ask Becky out?  

Claudia: I wish he'd date somebody.  He spends way too much time parenting me!  He works, and goes to those Kin As Parents meetings, and that's it.  I mean, I get that he wants to take care of me, but he acts like I'm six.  

Nikki: I thought he was still hung up on Phoebe?  That him and Becky are just friends? 

Ginny: I told Becky to ask him out, but she's like Nikki.  Thinks he wants Phoebe back. 

Claudia: Becky, Phoebe, I don't even care at this point.  I just want him to find someone else to hover over. 

A Lucky Break?

 Note: COVID masks are invisible to readers.  The hospital allows up to two people to be in the ER waiting room if they're with an ER patient. 

After Pike and Rose-Grace leave in a hurry, Mace gathers the kids. 

Fred: Sumpin bad happened!  Maybe somebody got dead! 

Mace: It's Candy.  That mad bastard who's running over people hit her, but she is alive. 

Stacie:  Mom?  Why would anyone want to runover Mom?

Tanner: Me and Finnick need to go.  Mom said, since we're adults now, she was going to change the paperwork so Dad's not POA any more. 

Whitney: We can't invade the ER.  That'd be bad even if there wasn't a pandemic on.  

Taylor: Yeah, if you go, everyone's gonna want to.  And don't start with how you'd stop us.  You know damn well you wouldn't argue if we managed to get into the car before you got it started. 

Finnick: She might not have done it yet, though.  You know how she procrastinates stuff like that.  

Nakoma: She's a tough woman.  I bet she's gonna be fine. 

Finnick: I just need to sit tight.

*****

At the hospital.

Pike: They've got medical students working the front desk?  

Boudicca: I help out everywhere, at least until my actual residency starts.  (Goes over the file, updating information as needed.)  This says her maiden name was Barr?  Candy Barr? 

Rose-Grace:  That's one of the reasons she kept Pike's name after they divorced.  Her parents were easily amused.  

Boudicca: All right, then.  It does say that the twins are listed as POA, but I don't think we need to contact them until Dr. Eaton makes a determination on her condition.  I'll be around if you need anything and someone will update you ASAP. 

Pike:  She'll be fine, honey.  She's survived worse.  

Rose-Grace: Are you trying to convince me or yourself? 

Pike:  I'm not sure.  This guy going after Candy makes me wonder if she was working the case.  But don't the cops have their own photographers? 

Rose-Grace: She could have been working on a story about the case.  Probably with someone from the Journal or WDLC.   I can make some calls if you want.

Pike: Maybe later.  Right now, I just need my wife.  Not the mayor. 

*****

When Gabriella and Claudia hear the news, they rush to their best friends' sides.  

Taylor: When they got the call, Mom and Grandpa were giving Dad a hard time for being racially insensitive.  He told me the exact same thing he told the twins - you know, those white boys!  I thought it was great that he treated me equal to them, but no.  They gotta ride him for his word choice.  

Gabriella: Well, it's tricky.  Maybe his word choice could be better, but his heart's definitely in the right place.  He's been such a great dad for you and Nikki.  

Taylor: Candy's been awesome, too.  Oh, Gabriella, I hope she's okay! 

Claudia: Not knowing what's going on is the worst.  

Nikki: Is it weird to be this worried about her?  I mean, she's just my... what... stepdad's ex? 

Claudia: I think of her kind of as your aunt or something.  Would it be weird to worry about Morgan? 

Whitney: I was so mad at you about Esper, and now this.  You could lose your mother. 

Tanner: Hey, Mom getting hurt has nothing to do with that.  You have every right to be mad at me. Even if you're wrong.

Nakoma: Because Esperanza is a meddling drama queen.  Sorry, Whit, I'm with the guys on this one. 

*****

Finally, after an eternity....

Marcus:  Candy's stabilized, but still unconsious.  I've called in a specialist for one of her legs - her knee took the brunt of the impact and is pretty much shattered.  Her vitals look good, all things considered.  

Rose-Grace: That's all?  This guy killed the others. 

Marcus (chuckles):  The others didn't see him coming and jump onto his hood.  By the way, I let the federal agent take Candy's go-pro.  Might be some useful footage on it. 

Friendships Face The Future

The Pike twins and their sweethearts do a conference call.  

Tanner: Are you in Grandpa Mace's room, Whitney?  He's got the same ugly wall. 

Finnick:  That's how lame you are.  Your girlfriend would rather hang with your grandpa. 

Whitney: I'm in the laundry room.  Was gonna use the kitchen table, but Wendy is distracting Wilma in there.  Teaching her to make cookies.  (Changing the subject)  Get a load of this.  My dad wants me to major in mass media and work for him. 

Nakoma:  After his Wilma attitude?  I hope you told him where to stick his cameras and printing press.

Tanner: Hey, now.  He kind of apologized for that. 

Whitney: Only kind of.  But I did tell him I'd think about it.  I wasn't even going to go to college but then I got that scholarship.  Right now I'm majoring in Undecided and getting all the basic stuff done.

Finnick:  Albus got us enrolled for trade school even before graduation.  He's more excited about it than we are.  Said he was beginnning to think he'd have to live forever to keep the rides going.  

Nakoma: Did you hear Four and Tris are already planning a wedding?  The ink's barely dry on our diplomas!  Neither of them is going to college or anything! 

Tanner: He's got a job lined up.  Doing tattoos.  And Tris says flipping burgers is a step up from anything her parents expected her to do.  They'll be all right.  

Nakoma: Oh, yeah, I forgot he apprenticed with his uncle. 

Finnick: His grandpa.  But yeah, they're good to go.  Us?  We got a few years before any serious planning should begin.  All four of us, right, Tanner? 

Tanner: We could talk in general.  Vague stuff.  Like, maybe we should have a double wedding? 

*****

Taylor is out on the deck, getting the gossip from Gabriella.

Gabriella: I may not make it to high school.  Might murder my aunt before then. 

Taylor: Oh, lord.  What's Charlotte doing now?

Gabriella: Well, you know Alex has been wanting to dye her hair since her dad started dating Nova, but her mom had a cow?  She got her mom to promise that if she got straight As all through middle school, she could do anything she wanted with her hair. She got a green mohawk. 

Taylor:  I saw the selfie.  It looks really cute.  But what's that got to do with Aunt Hagface? 

Gabriella: She straight-up forbade me to do anything like that.  In front of my parents. 

Taylor: Did your dad scalp her?

Gabriella (laughing):  I don't think Navajos scalp people, you racist.  

Taylor: Did someone at least slap her?  Cuss her out?

Gabriella: I don't even know.  I came up to our room.  Stayed here until Charlotte left and then I got a lecture about being rude to an adult. 

Taylor: She was rude to you and to your parents.  But you got in trouble. 

Gabriella: Just the lecture, which I've heard about ten million times since she came to town.  Dad did tell me that it's my hair, to do with as I please, but he'd prefer that I keep it the natural color.  (Changing the subject)  I decided to take the college prep courses.  And not just because you are.

Taylor: I told you, it'll be easier than not taking them and then deciding you want to go to college.  

Gabriella: That, and Mom found one of those free on-line courses about the Navajo.  It's really interesting and it blows my mind how little Dad knows of his own heritage.  

****

Nikki is doing the same, but in her room and on a laptop.  

Claudia: I see my little buddy there behind you. 

Nikki: My turn with the babies.  Everyone else is watching some chainsaw murder marathon.  Gross. 

Claudia: Says the zombie show addict.  (Laughs)  Grandma's finally convinced Ben to let me come home on Sunday.  We've been butting heads even worse than normal.

Nikki:  Well, yeah.  She's 500 years old and you've been stuck with her forever. 

Claudia: 500 years old I can deal with.  She's got some really amazing stories.  But the woman is a hermit, Nikki, and she wants me to be a hermit, too! 

Nikki:  I wish you could've stayed here but we already had too many people here.  It never felt like it before, because we're hardly ever all at home, but now it gets really crowded around here.  

Claudia: I'm jealous.  But I'll be home next week, where I can at least wave at people through the window.  I'd be willing to hang with that crybaby Ricky Eaton right now.  

Nikki: Oh, lord, you must be desperate. 

It's Not The Plague

How are the residents of Barbieville dealing with the COVID-19 shutdown?  Let's drop in on the town's First Family and see!

Tanner:  Man, this sucks.  We're doing homework for lack of anything better to do. 

Finnick:  I'm just getting it over with.  Then I'm gonna get as many people together as possible for a marathon gaming session! 

Tanner: That's a great idea.  What game, though?

Finnick: That depends on who's playing.  We might even switch around as people join in or leave.  

Samara and Orlando are enjoying an unprecedented amount of freedom to chew on their big sisters' dolls. 

Samara: Horsey! 

Nikki sends a photo of them to Claudia. 

Claudia (via text): Orlando iz in da house!  LOL 

Nikki (via text): He thinks I can't see him in there.  How are things at your Grandma's? 

Claudia (via text): Awful.  I'm so mad at Ben.  He lets me be home alone all the time normally.

Nikki (via text): Normally, idiots aren't clobbering Asians for giving us the plague.

Claudia (via text): It's not the plague.  All this craziness is to keep it from being the plague.

Mace: I'm glad I got moved in before it hit.  If I was still in the apartment, they'd have me under quarantine.  

Stacie: They wouldn't even let you come here and take care of the horses?

Mace: That's what quarantine is.  You go nowhere and nobody comes over.  Nobody in the building is sick, but most of them are high risk, so they're being super careful. 

Stacie: It'd be a pain in the butt to do the barn chores without you. I'd have to get the twins to help and they'd just gripe the whole time. And Daddy is at work more than he's home!  

Fred: Your bed ain't very fun to jump on, Grandpa.

Mace: Boy, you better not get manure on my blankets.

Fred: I tooked my shoes off. 

Rose-Grace: I just told everyone in town to avoid gathering in groups larger than ten.  We're breaking that rule just by having everyone at home, and I'm the mayor!  We have to set an example.

Taylor: Well, can I go over there?  Charlotte might leave if I do.  She doesn't like me. 

Rose-Grace:  I also suggested self quarantining. Again, we have to set an example. 

Taylor: Sometimes it really sucks that you're the mayor. 

Rose-Grace: That we can agree on.  

Summer Is Coming

No lazy Saturday for the teens of Barbieville.  Exams are next week, then summer begins in earnest.  Study groups invade seperate rooms of the Pike home.  Or just play groups, for the younger set.

Fred: Did you know you don't get booby milk unless you grow a baby in your belly?  Bobby's mommy told me that's why she can't feed Dixie except with a bottle. 

Wilma: How come boys even gots boobies, then?  

Fred: Tanner says when we grow in the belly, we can be a boy or a girl depending on what chrome-zones and horde-moans we get.  We all automatically get boobies just in case we're girls. 

Finnick:  (To Nakoma) Tanner, the font of all knowledge. 

Nakoma: I wish.  I'd ask him who the guy stalking Pocahontas is. Creeps me out.  

Mariko: He's just sending flowers.  Besides, if it came to violence, my money's on her.  She did beat the crap out of John in high school when he got Albion Kelly pregnant.

Tanner: I've seen her physically remove some bruisers from the park, too.  She's a tough gal. 

Whitney: I like to gossip as much as the next girl, but we're supposed to be studying.  I'm really worried about the monologue for English.  How am I supposed to get into the head of a Victorian character? A man, even? 

Anakin: Mommy said she's out of rehab now, but she's got to find and keep a job for a long time before she can even think about.... Stacie, are you listening to me? 

Stacie: Sorry.  These guys are just so cute.

Anakin: I can't believe your folks let Orlando play with dolls.  Mommy always said... 

Stacie: Anakin, we're besties, right?  I can be totally honest with you?

Anakin: Sure.

Stacie: Your mother is an idiot.  

Nikki: I like Moana and everything, but I'm glad she didn't come with you.  I missed having it just be us two hanging out.

Taylor (to Gabriella): Are we not here?

Claudia: She's probably off somewhere trying to figure out which of Jason's brothers is her father.  DNA test said, plain as day, a second-degree relationship.  I don't think Jason's very smart. 

Gabriella: She's with Courtney.  Mom took them to the beach.  

Taylor:  Yeah, Moana practically lives at the Montez house now.  She likes you two, but she and Courtney...  thick as thieves. And we aren't hanging out, we're trying not to flunk.  We'll have all summer to hang out. 

At City Hall.  

Rose-Grace:  What are you doing here on a Saturday? 

Kyra: I'd ask you the same, but I bet I know.  Hiding from a house full of kids?

Rose-Grace: I've got some stuff with the zoning board to straighten out by Monday.  I want to give them a final decision first thing in the morning and get it over with.  (laughs) Also, a house full of kids that aren't mine.  

Kyra: I wanted to ask you about borrowing The Tank at some point over the summer.  Brent wants us to meet his sister and we thought we'd make a vacation of it, but cost is an issue.  Filling up an RV and renting a campsite is a lot cheaper than plane tickets and a pair of hotel rooms. 

Rose-Grace:  Sister?  Not the parents? 

Kyra: Brent hopes we never meet his parents.  They're the worst sort of people you could imagine.  

At Witch's Cove.

Pocahontas: I'm going to say this once, Ryan.  You are getting this chance as a favor to your parents and sisters.  I hope they're right when they tell me you've turned over a new leaf.  

Ryan: Yes, ma'am.  Well, I'm trying.  

Sylvia: My ex filled his head with so much crap from the time he was little... 

Pocahontas: Your obnoxious ex aside, Ryan's not a child anymore and it's time he acted like it. 

Pocahontas:  You'll work the ticket booth this summer.  Your sisters will work the first few days here with you, for training, and then you'll be assigned with others.

Phoebe: And we'll smack you upside the head if you get outta line.  (To Pocahontas) Once we get home, that is.  I know whacking your co-workers is frowned upon. 

The Investigation: Part Three

WDLL News interrupts the evening's programming with breaking news.

Anchor: Shock waves ripple through Doll County as Detective Glimma Spiro, is arrested for the recent arson in and around Barbieville.  Federal Agent Lorina Dahl and Barbieville Police Chief Becky Lynch took her into custody about an hour ago.   

Barbieville Mayor Rose-Grace Pike and Chief Lynch speak to the press in a live broadcast.

Rose-Grace:  We were as surprised as anyone at what the investigator found.  We can't speak to the particulars, obviously, but several past arson convictions are now in question.  We can't thank Agent Dahl enough for her assistance.

Reporter: Your department couldn't solve this on their own? 

Lynch: The sheriff's office claimed jurisdiction, as the county agency, and refused to work with us. It wasn't until the mayor requested assistance from a federal agency that we had access to much of the information.  

Another Reporter: Was the sheriff in on it? 

Rose-Grace: There's no reason to believe he's guilty of anything more than being blinded by the detective's stellar reputation.   

*****

Early the next morning, Albus bumps into Lorina in the park.

Albus: There she is, the heroine of Barbieville.  You busted the case wide open in less than a week. 

Lorina: It really was just a matter of getting the evidence to a lab.  The county lab just wasn't equipped to handle it.  Or maybe Spiro was lying about that.  I don't know, but my lab made short work of it.

Albus: I heard the arsonist's hair turned out to be from a wig?

Lorina: Where did you hear that?  (leans closer and whispers) It was from a dog.  

Lorina: I'm going to be in town a couple more days.  Are you busy? 

Albus: Besides work?  No.  What did you have in mind? 

Lorina: Well, I seem to recall you poorly hiding some marijuana... 

Albus:  You're a Fed! 

Lorina: Nope.  I've been retired, again, for about twelve hours.  Besides, the stuff is legal here.  (Albus starts to say something about federal laws.)  Don't make me quote the Tenth Amendment at you.  I promise not to cuff you unless you want me to. 

*****

While Albus is getting better acquainted with Lorina, Rose-Grace sits her boys down for a talk.

Rose-Grace: I understand why you feel as you do about Ryan.  I agree that his discovering an African ancestor is poetic justice, but you need to be careful how you express it.  You say it serves him right, like it's a bad thing. 

Finnick: Well, for him it is.  

Tanner: Is this about setting an example for the younger kids? 

Rose-Grace:  That, too. I'd really hate to see your futures suffer because of out-of-context remark.  To those who don't know you, your reaction to the news looks like you have a problem with blacks.  I just read a news story about a woman who got fired for something akin to this.  

Finnick: Pocahontas isn't going to fire us over this.  She probably agrees. 

Tanner: She won't have a lot of choice if a lot of people boycott Witch's Cove.  And colleges could turn us away.  Albus can only teach us so much, man. 

Rose-Grace: Just be more careful how you express yourself publicly.  

Albus goes to the office for the day's work order.  

Albus: These are lovely.  Who sent them?

Pocahontas: I have no idea.  I've gotten flowers about once a month since Valentine's Day. 

Albus: It's not John? 

Pocahontas: He swears it isn't.  And Ben Kishi said I'm not his type.  

Albus: Well, it isn't me.  You'd feel too much like incest.  

Pocahontas: Gross.  (Prints up the work order and gives it to him.)  I'm not worried about my secret admirer and you shouldn't be, either.  You aren't my daddy.  

Albus: More of a daddy to you than Johnny Appleseed. 

Pocahontas: Yeah, he's too busy planting his seed all over the country.  I've heard it a million times.

Claudia, Moana, and Nikki hang out in the cafeteria before school

Moana: I can't wait to show Jason the thing in our science book about uncles and cousins.

Nikki: What about them?

Moana: Uncles are second degree relatives and cousins are third degree relatives.  If the DNA test says what degree we are, then we'll know which he is to me.  We know he's one or the other, but none of the men in the family will admit to being with Mom. 

Draco: What kind of a slut is your mom? 

Moana: She might have been a slut, but at least she taught me not to eavesdrop and butt in on other people's conversations.

And last but not least, Spiro is being transferred into Doll County Jail. 

Spiro: You know I didn't do this.  

Lynch: I know you're the height and weight of the perp in the footage, you have no alibi for any of the fires, and your entire career is built on arson investigations.   In every one of those cases, the one convicted was the town pariah.  

Spiro:  Do you know what those criminals are gonna do to me?

Lynch: Yeah, but I don't care. 

Spring Has Sprung

The last nine weeks of school begins with a new student coming to Barbieville Middle School.

Claudia and Moana wait for the bus outside Lake Shore Townhomes.

Claudia: I guess it's kind of like any public school.  Some good teachers, some bad ones.  Same with the kids.  

Moana: Thanks for offering to help me out.  Jason promised me we won't move.  Well, I won't have to change schools.  Obviously, when he gets a job, we might have to move out of this complex. 

Claudia: Ben wouldn't qualify to live here if it wasn't for me.  Kids are expensive. 

Ron: Watch out for Draco, though.  He don't like you poor folk and those of us who slum with you.

Moana: Us poor folk?  Dude, you live here, too. 

Ginny: We're independently wealthy, or will be when we're old enough to get our trust funds.  I guess we are technically poor right now...

Ron: Our cousin is the manager here and she's got custody of us.  We picked her because she was the only one who cared more about us than the money.

Ginny: Took a while to convince the courts, though. 

*****

At the high school, McG begins a long-term substitute position in the Language Arts classroom.  

Raven: That's the twins' grandma?  

Tris: Four says she's really strict but otherwise cool.  Hey, did I tell you Zenobia and I decided to find a bigger apartment?  Where should we look?

Raven: How would I know?

Tris: Aren't you and your mom looking for a place?

Raven: Oh, that.  She's been seeing Dean, like, forever.  They decided to get married.  Just a mayor's office thing, though, since Mom isn't Jewish.  I get to share a room with his thirteen year old. 

McG:  Miss Prior, Miss Baxter.  Would you like to share with the class, since your subject matter is clearly more important than mine?  (waits a moment)  As I was saying, Miss Jones left me with instructions regarding your course of study.  It appears that the final exam is to be a stage production of one of the books reviewed this term.  

Raven (whispering):  Please let it be Gone With The Wind.

McG: Given the subject matter, some things have to be changed for a school production, but Miss Jones had a script nearly finished at the time of her accident.  Please consider what roles you'd like to audition for on Friday.

  

Raven (whispering):  Gone With The Wind  please please please

McG: I'm sorry, Miss Baxter, but it will be Jane Eyre.  

*****

After school, at the hospital. 

Tanner:  You aren't Whitney, but you're a lot prettier than Frodo.

Nakoma: Thanks, I think.  The Language Arts play this year is Jane Eyre.  Want me to put you down for any roles? 

Tanner: There's only one guy in that whole book!

Nakoma: You must not have been paying much attention when we read it. And you should be out of the hospital in plenty of time.

Rose-Grace: Marcus was just here.  Tanner is going home tomorrow.

Nakoma:  That's great!  I can't wait to tell the gang! 

Rose-Grace: And I think you should put him down to play Mason.  

****

That evening, KAP (Kin As Parents) welcomes a new member to the support group.

Becky: Guys, this is Jason Fly.  He just moved here, has custody of a seventh-grader, and is looking for work.  

Jason: Anything will do.  I hate being unemployed but don't have much by way of qualifications.

Nova: You're in good company, then.  Both Ben and I work at places that are almost always hiring and Pocahontas owns the amusement park.  We'll see what we can do for you.  

Ben: Jason has quite a story about his charge.  He doesn't even know how she's kin.

Jason: It's kind of a long one, but here goes.  I was DNA matched with Moana.  I have several brothers and uncles who might be the father.  So Moana is either my cousin or my niece. 

Pocahontas: Wow. 

Jason: Moana's mom died in a car accident and the foster care system has just implemented a system of DNA matching.  They contacted all of us and I was the only one willing to take in the child.

Pocahontas: Can't they tell how closely related you are?  Or is cousin and niece the same degree of relation?  

Jason: I'm not sure.  All I know is, she's my blood and she needed me.  

Ben: Maybe Pocahontas should do that.  See how many more Anakins are out there. 

Pocahontas: I wouldn't dare.  Anakin already thinks I don't believe he's really my brother.