Willa

 I remember Zombies from a few years ago.  It was on one of the Disney channels or services.  Nothing about it appealed to me, not even the dolls I saw in stores.  Therefore I know next to nothing about this franchise.  Less even than I knew about Nightmare Before Christmas on my last review.

MyFroggyStuff recently reviewed three new dolls from that line.  From Zombies 4: Dawn of the Vampires.  Two of the dolls are blondes with a bad case of Vapid Face.  But Willa... 

If Sally was little-goth-on-the-prairie, Willa is gothic mountaineer.

I guess she's a werewolf.  Her last name has "Lycan" in it and the box mentions she's the leader of the pack. There's a wolf on her belt buckle.

Girl's got some hair!  

Her bicep wrap and rope bracelet came off with the packaging.  Necklace and belt were not on her person.  I'm going to take a stab in the dark and assume the necklace is a moonstone amulet of great power. 

Several tattoos on her arms.  You can also get a gander at that beautiful shirt and the bracelets that stayed put.  The tattoos look like art from a certain Disney Princess who shares ethnicity with a certain other-franchise lycanthrope.  

She goes to the same hair stylist as Bellatrix.

MyFroggyStuff says that's makeup, but she's my doll and I say it's facial tattoos like Midna's.  

Pointy ears like Midna.  (Midna is a Fairytopia Sunburst, by the way, rebodied.) 

 

Willa with Tris, Four, and Midna.  Showing off their ink!  

The Video

 Barbieville Police Department

Lynch: Adding Candy Pike skews our victim profile.  She's only got two of these things in common, and one of them just barely. And she was nowhere near water, so we can ignore that little side note. 

Carol: She wasn't college educated or "a strong personality".  Is that code for something? 

Lynch: Absolutely.  (chuckles) Helena was a nice enough lady until you wronged her, but Charlie was a total bitch.  Candy, on the other hand, is very mellow.  She has made something of a name for herself in the photojournalism field, so she's a professional, but since she's free-lance, she doesn't really have an office or any of the trappings.  And she's a mother.  

Carol: And we have a connection between her sons and one of Helena Malfoy's daughters. They're in a band, correct? 

Midge (from across the room): Alright, ladies, the lab's sent over the go-pro footage.  Shall we see what we've got? 

Lynch: I hope we can see the tag.  Candy remembered the FCP part because that's two of her boys' initials, but she didn't get the number.  A partial is better than nothing, but still... 

Midge: A good look at the driver would be nice, too.  

Carol: Let's not get our hopes up. (Midge starts the video, then pauses before Lynch can ask.)  There's your tag.  

Lynch: FCP 409, Doll County.  Got it.  (She gestures for Midge to continue, winces as the video continues.)  Was that the windshield?  Did Candy actually look the guy in the face? 

After a few tries, Midge manages to stop the video on the split-second Carol noticed.  

Midge: Well, Agent Danvers, what were you saying about getting our hopes up? It's blurry, but who does that look like to you? 

Lynch: Paris Malfoy

Carol: James Potter

******

Later, as the crew closes Sunburst for the night

RM: Sure you don't wanna come home with us?   Daddy Jimin won't be home to poop on our party. 

Zenobia: I'm exhausted.  Everyone in the state decided to eat here!  

Tris: I have a husband. 

V: No one propositioned you, Tris.  You can have Four meet us there, if that'll...  (A sports car comes careening into the lot and the driver jumps out.) 

Zenobia:  Boo?  Boo, what's going on?

V: I don't know she had a boo.  I thought she was footloose and fancy-free. 

Tris: That's her sister.  Boudicca.  

RM: Damn.  Do all the Malfoy girls look that good? 

Boudicca: You've got to get out of town, Zen.  Take my car. 

Zenobia: Calm down.  It can't be that bad.  

Boudicca: The cops are at the house.  That van that hit Mom, they got the plate number.  It comes back to you!  

Zenobia: That's nuts.  I don't even have a car, I haven't since... (realization) ... oh, shit. 

The Eaton-Prior Wedding

 

Four:  See, I told you it would be fine.  Not real fancy, but everyone's having fun and at the end of the day, you will be Beatrice Eaton.  Finally. 

Tris: You say that like we've been waiting twenty years. (fondly) We haven't even been alive twenty years.  You're so weird. 

Hagrid: You don't have to sit with me.  I'm not here as a guest, but it's my nature preserve and I gotta make sure everything goes right. 

Lynch: I'm not really a guest, either.  I'm security.  (laughs at his confusion) They asked me to wear the uniform in case her folks show up and start something. I doubt anything will happen - they've disowned her and that was the end of it for them.

Hagrid: Why'd they disown such a sweet gal? 

Lynch (sighs heavily):  Racism.  Esmeralda's not exactly WASP, therefore her sons are tainted.

Albus: I definitely have the best looking dates here.  

Midna: We aren't your dates, Albus.  

Zenobia: Speak for yourself.  I always have Albus as my date for weddings because I know he's not going to expect anything later.  At least not anything I'm not into. 

Midna (laughing): He is good for that, isn't he? No pressure.

Violet: I thought Tris specified no children under ten? 

Pern: She made an exception for me, so Anakin could be my date.  Where's your date?

Violet: Dean's working on COVID precautions at the high school.  

Anakin: I could have two dates.  Albus does.

Pern: My son doesn't date married women.

Marcus: Not exactly what I had in mind for my boy's wedding, but I like it.  

Esmeralda: She's exactly what I had in mind.  Oh, you're talking about the party?  We were going for Old-fashioned Church Picnic.  Potluck dinner and all. 

Marcus: No slicing the cake, no toasts or dances.  It seems off to me, but the important thing is that it's legal and they're happy.  

Esmeralda: I blame the Priors for all that.  We can't have a bride's dance with her father, so having the rest just seems... cruel isn't the right word.  Distracting, I guess.  Today isn't about her stupid parents.

Kevin: Got your speech all ready? 

Django: I don't know why they want one - they're the ones who have to make public promises.  And welcoming her into the family now, after she's been a part of it so long, seems pointless.  

Kevin: I think accepting your formal welcome is part of it.  Four ain't the only one she's making promises to. 

Jessie: I start work with Joe Montez next week.  I think you know his daughters?

Cedric: Courtney is in my grade.  Gabriella's in Kevin's.  

Jessie: They seem like nice girls.  

Cedric: Oh, no, you don't.  Do not go playing matchmaker! 

Frodo: Look at them with real girlfriends and I'm stuck back here with you.

Mariko: Gee, thanks.  (Points toward Jeremiah and Nova)  I was stuck with those two.  Their brains are still on the honeymoon. 

Frodo: Yeah, at least the twins know other people exist besides Nakoma and Whitney.  

Finnick: We hear you back there, talking about us. Pull your blanket up here, losers. 

        

Four and Tris call to get everyone's attention.  The tables have been set up inside the small shelter, and decorations posted. 

Four: Thank you, everyone, for being here today.  I'm here to promise this woman, Beatrice Prior, that for the rest of my life I will love her and do everything within my power to make her happy.  I'll take care of her and stay with her no matter what fate throws at us.  

Tris (nervously): I stand before you to affirm my love and respect for Tobias Eaton, under any circumstances.  I vow to never waver as we grow old together.  We are young but we're ready and willing to take on marriage (takes his hand) and the world with it. 

At a nod from the groom, Django joins them and addresses Tris. 

Django:  I've been appointed  to stand up here and speak for the family.  My grandson hasn't followed many of the traditional ways, for my people or his father's people, but I am proud of the man he's become.  I'm also proud of the choices he's made for himself, and that includes you.  You are everything he deserves- a capable, kind woman with no room in her heart for anyone but him.  Pretty, too.  (Chuckles)  Tris, we welcome you to the family whole-heartedly.  As of this moment, you are officially one of us. 

Rose-Grace doesn't speak.  There is no need for words.  She points to where the signatures belong and hands Four a pen.  Heedless of his white suit, he kneels and signs with a flourish.  Tris leans carefully, remembering her strapless dress, while she does the same.  

Rose-Grace: For the first time anywhere, I present Tobias and Beatrice Eaton.  (Applause)  And I know it's not part of the legal stuff, but... you may kiss the bride. 

The party begins after a chaste kiss. 

Lynch: I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you.  Sulu and I are having a bit of a dilemma and I was hoping you could give me some insight. 

Rose-Grace: Me?  As a mom or as a wife? 

Lynch:  As a mom and as a black woman, to be frank.  Bobby and Viv are bringing stories home from school that their little sister has a "black-people-hating" name. 

Rose-Grace: What's her name again? 

Lynch: Dixie.  After my grandmother.

Rose-Grace (thoughtful): I can see the problem, especially with you being a cop.  Dixie is the Old South, slavery, Scarlett O'Hara, all those things.  And with so many people thinking that all cops are racist bastards... 

Lynch: We did joke about it sounding like a stripper name, but the race thing escaped us. 

Rose-Grace:  Come by my office tomorrow.   We'll have lunch and talk about this.  I need some time to process what I want to advise you.

Albus and Anakin confess the real reason they accepted their dates' invitation.

Zenobia: Seriously, dude?  You can't shame me with that.  I'll be single forever and a day!

Frodo: It's not my fault I got white boy rhythm from the Dean side of the family!

Zenobia: Seriously, Albus?  You know we're both gonna be single til the grave.

Albus pretends not to notice, even though both the other men laugh.  He'll be wasted later... but not here and now, out of respect for the newlyweds.

Totally staged.  These four ain't fooling anyone.  Well, maybe themselves.

The end.  I mean, the beginning.    

After The Shower

 Reminder and warning:  Dirty talk and invisible-to-the-reader masks.

Midna:  We should keep these decorations, for the wedding.  Even if you aren't going all traditional, it'll be a nice touch.  At least around the area where the signing of the document is going to happen. 

Tris: Way ahead of you.  Four and Bapo are picking me up when they get done at the realtor and we're headed out there to get an idea where we want to set up.  The decorations won't go up until the day of, but we'll take them with us.

Midna:  Realtor?  

Hank:  Unfortunately, I don't seem to have anything available within your price range, gentlemen.  Unless you're willing to pay more, I'm afraid there isn't much I can do for you. 

Four: I've got an idea, Bapo.  Dad and Mom are giving us that money as a wedding gift...  

Django: Absolutely not.  That's meant to get you a start in your married life.  

Four: We could find a property that serves as both home and business.  Maybe a place with a detached garage we could convert?  You know Jessie would help.  All these commercial lots are way too big for what we need, anyway. 

Django: It's a thought.  I'm not too keen on you investing so much, though.

Four: I'd be investing in a home, too.  Two birds with one stone. 

Django: Tris would be okay with that? 

Four: It was her idea. 

Tris: You're late.

Four: Yeah, I had to talk Bapo into your idea.  Higgins tried to sell us things like the old grocery store.  

Tris:  He went for it? 

Four: Only after Higgins flat told us we couldn't afford anything on just his money.  (looking at the gifts)  We got some good stuff.  There's a whole kitchen here.

Zenobia (teasing): Just in a big hurry to get away from me.  I see how you are.

Four: Actually, we had an idea about that.  Bapo is renting camper space at The Point, but I told Jessie you might be willing to take her on as a roomie when we move out.  

Tris: I know you two don't know each other very well, but I was practically a stranger when you let me move in with you.  

Zenobia: I like Jessie.  Missed her today, but she couldn't make it.  She works too much.  

Midna: Okay, I think everything is stable.  Unless y'all go rip-tearing around, it'll make it to Django's car intact.  Just be careful and take it slow. 

Four (snickers): Seems I heard that advice earlier today.  (exchanges a significant glance with Tris)  Talked to Bapo. 

Tris: I hope he was more help than these guys were. 

Midna: I don't know what you wanted.  Step by step diagrams? 

Zenobia: I think I have some books at home with those.

Tris: No, Zenobia, you have smut. (sticks her tongue out)  I looked through your bookshelves.

Zenobia: Don't stick it out unless you intend to use it. 

Four:  She does intend to use it.  Just not on you. 

Tris:  Mariko ran home real quick and brought me this.  It's a pamphlet from her parents' old counseling office.  It's for people with sexual dysfunction, but she said the advice in it is good for a couple of virgins, too. 

Four: Mariko never fails to surprise me.  (Looks around)  Where is she? 

Tris: She said she had somewhere important to be, but I think she was just getting out of clean up duty.  

 

Tris's Bridal Shower

 Note:  Masks in Barbieville are invisible to readers.  

Also some "dirty talk".  Consider yourselves warned.  

Sunburst is closed on Wednesday, but Midna insisted on it being the venue for Tris's bridal shower. 

Tris: I know I insisted on an old-fashioned bridal shower instead of a Bachelorette Party, but now that we're all here, I do have a question for y'all.  Those of you with experience in the area, anyway.  How do I make sure we have a good sex life?  Neither one of us has any clue what we're doing.

 

Zenobia (pretending anger): Oh, I see how you are!  Gotta be a G-rated with the games and decor, but you wanna talk dirty! 

Pern (laughing): I think she's secretly a pervert.

Tris: Seriously.  It's a big deal.  I've been trying to read up on the subject, but... 

Pern: Oh, it's not something you can learn from a book.  I mean, you can learn the biology, but not the stuff you're worried about.  That's personal stuff.

Tris: I've tried to talk to Zenobia about this, but all she ever tells me is to jump his bones.  Esmeralda just keeps saying it'll be fine, but I feel weird pressing his mother for details.  

Zenobia: But here you are, with her sitting right over there. 

Pern: Well, your first time is not gonna be like in the movies.  It's going to be awkward and not real satisfying.  I've never met anyone who had a first time like in the movies.

Tris: Esmeralda did tell us we'll get better with practice. 

Mariko: Communication is the important thing.  (at the others' reaction)  What?  You don't have to be a married mom to know stuff.

Esmeralda: I don't think you've even had a sweetheart in all the time I've known you. 

Whitney: She hasn't.  

Mariko: Sex is just another part of a relationship, and communication is important in any relationship.  You can't expect people to know what you like unless you tell them.  

Violet:  She's right.  (to Mariko)  No offense, but you are the last person I expected that kind of insight from.  

Esmeralda: One thing I always hated is that whole thing, expecting your man to know why you're upset.  This really is just an different version of the idea. (To Mariko)  How did you know that when women my age still haven't figured it out?

Mariko: Osmosis.  My parents are both relationship counselors. Well, psychologists, technically.

Violet (to Tris): Mariko nailed it.  I have nothing to add. 

Esmeralda: Yeah, I don't think anyone can top that.

Zenobia: Now can we do some of these lame party games?  I sweated for hours over a hot printer for these, ya know! 

    

Midna:  Yes, please.  I might have something to contribute in that conversation. 

Zenobia:  The boss has spoken.  (starts to gather materials)  Wait, what?

Many/Mini Family Reunions

Sunburst has reopened for patio dining.  Barbieville followed the CDC guidelines from the start, despite actions taken at the state and federal levels, and as a result there has been very little incidence of the pandemic.  The town is reopening carefully.  (Side note for readers: Masks in Barbieville are invisible.  So says Barbieville's god.)

Brent: I'm glad you made it.  I was worried, especially since Esperanza was sick recently. 

Daisy:  Bertie wasn't about to pass up this job and Esperanza's been cleared by the doctors.  Thanks so much for connecting us to Mr. Darling.

Brent: That was Kyra.  She's determined not to let the personal issues touch on the professional.  He mentioned needing an anchor and she thought of Bertie.  I guess the interview went well? 

Bertie: He called all my references beforehand and grilled them.  The interview was basically him saying "here's what the job is, do you want it?"   My co-anchor is going to be a gal named Becky Weasley.  Do you know her?

Brent:  She just graduated college.  Got the job with WDLC and started house-hunting.  Maybe you and she could do that together.

Daisy: Oh, that might be fun.  We could get to know her better, you know?

Esperanza: I'm going inside to use the restroom.  Be right back.

Bertie (worried): She's not adjusting well at all.  They said her voice may never return to normal.

Daisy: She'll be okay, sweetheart.  We just have to keep reminding her that she can still act and dance. 

Brent: And now that you're here, Uncle Brent can help.  I have connections in this town, you know.  Not that we have much of an entertainment industry here.

Bertie: That amusement park doesn't do shows? 

Brent: They're probably not going to reopen this season.  Not only do we have a pandemic on, the owner just got married.  She's also in the middle of a complete rebranding.  Change of name, new and updated rides, all that jazz.  Maybe in the spring, if Esper still wants to try it. 

Esmeralda gets a surprise at table P2.

Esmeralda: Bapo!  You made it! 

Django: Why do you call me that, girl?  I'm not your grandfather. 

Esmeralda:  The day Four was born, that became your name.  Just like mine became Mom and Marcus's became Dad. 

Django:  We stopped at the house and Kevin said you and Tris were both here.  Are you busy?

Esmeralda: I am, but she's about to go on break.  I'll tell her you're out here. 

After hugs and a quick introduction to Jessie (one of Django's grandchildren and therefore a future cousin-in-law), Tris sits down to eat lunch.

Tris: I wasn't expecting you so early.  (to Jessie) Four's always spoken of you so fondly, I feel like I already know you. 

Jessie: There were... circumstances... behind our coming early.  Bapo's decided to stop wandering and open up a tattoo parlor here, with Four.  I tagged along to get away from a stalker.

Django: Stalker is a very harsh word.  What he is, is a very persistent suitor. 

Jessie: To-may-to, to-mah-to. Know any place that might hire a gal who's handy with a wrench? 

Later, Doll County Paranormal holds an informal meeting at the diner.  

Jeremiah: Jimin, hard at work as usual.  Big case coming up? 

Jimin: Case from Hell.  This woman is neglectful of her children and has a violent police record but is fighting for custody of her children.  

Nova: Charlotte Jackson? 

Jimin (chuckles): I can neither confirm or deny that.  After all the business the buffet lost this year, we really need the money this case is going to pay, but it's been a complete nightmare.

Phoebe: Hey, y'all!  Look who's back in town!  

Kenna:  Yep, got a job at that new TV station.  Bunking with her and Sylvia til I get a place of my own, but Mom and Dad think it's permanent.  I swear we'd all still live at home if they had their way.

Jimin: Welcome back, Kenna.  I've missed you. 

Kenna: She made me carry the research she's been doing on the cove.  This stuff weighs a ton! 

Jeremiah: The paranormal does all kinds of strange things to electronics.  Hard copy, not so much. (laughs) But you're right, a laptop would be easier to carry. 

Nova: Take a seat, ladies.  Put away the custody battle, lawyer boy.