Willa

 I remember Zombies from a few years ago.  It was on one of the Disney channels or services.  Nothing about it appealed to me, not even the dolls I saw in stores.  Therefore I know next to nothing about this franchise.  Less even than I knew about Nightmare Before Christmas on my last review.

MyFroggyStuff recently reviewed three new dolls from that line.  From Zombies 4: Dawn of the Vampires.  Two of the dolls are blondes with a bad case of Vapid Face.  But Willa... 

If Sally was little-goth-on-the-prairie, Willa is gothic mountaineer.

I guess she's a werewolf.  Her last name has "Lycan" in it and the box mentions she's the leader of the pack. There's a wolf on her belt buckle.

Girl's got some hair!  

Her bicep wrap and rope bracelet came off with the packaging.  Necklace and belt were not on her person.  I'm going to take a stab in the dark and assume the necklace is a moonstone amulet of great power. 

Several tattoos on her arms.  You can also get a gander at that beautiful shirt and the bracelets that stayed put.  The tattoos look like art from a certain Disney Princess who shares ethnicity with a certain other-franchise lycanthrope.  

She goes to the same hair stylist as Bellatrix.

MyFroggyStuff says that's makeup, but she's my doll and I say it's facial tattoos like Midna's.  

Pointy ears like Midna.  (Midna is a Fairytopia Sunburst, by the way, rebodied.) 

 

Willa with Tris, Four, and Midna.  Showing off their ink!  

Ghosts and Gossip

 

Doll County Paranormal begins an investigation of local amusement park Witch's Cove.  They split into teams of two.

Jimin:  The most common mistakes made by beginners are pareidolia and backscatter. 

Esperanza: I know about pareidolia.  That's when we see a face where there is no face, because our brains are wired to look for them.  We use it in theater, for subliminal creepiness in a scary production.  

Jimin: Good.  Backscatter is when things like dust are mistaken for ghostly orbs.  Always look for a practical explanation first.  And don't take it to heart if we tease you.  We're still teasing Nova about a screech owl.  

Nova: We're picking up something.  Quit leaning on the post and take some pictures.  

Ken: I'm just catching my breath.  

Nova: Take pictures while you do it.  Especially towards the Raging Rapids - I feel like something that direction is watching us. 

Hagrid: Check this out. 

Kenna: That's probably radio transmissions.  A steel coaster is basically just a big twisted antenna. 

Hagrid: Sure, some of it.  Maybe even most of it.  But there's weirdness on each end of the frequency range.  Spikes at the same time, on each end.

Frodo: This path is supposed to be a very active area.  Jeremiah wants the trip sensors on either side.  Mine's good, but what is going on at your end?  You got fairies dancing around over there? 

Peeta: Only fairy around here is me, smarty pants.  I can't get the damn sensor cone to stay upright.

Frodo: Sounds like a personal problem to me. 

******

Meanwhile: At Sunburst, after a meeting of the Teacher's Union.  

Rallee: I'm glad we got everything sorted.  I was really dreading a strike.  As superintendent, I get all the blame if that happens.  Maybe I should try for that new WDLC show.  I could retire from the whole mess.

Gwen: I'm actually thinking about applying.  I love to teach, but I sure ain't in it for the money. 

Snape: It's practically prostitution, Gwen! 

Rallee: It can be argued that all marriage is prostitution.  

Gwen: You both are such sourpusses.  Why am I sitting with you? 

Suzie: You aren't seriously?

Doreen:  Already mailed the application packet.  I'm not desperate for a man to define me, never have been, but I get tired of sleeping alone.  Two of my kids are grown and in serious relationships.  Tommy's the same age as the potential stepchild.  

Suzie:  Two?  Who is Bonnie dating? 

Midna: Everything good?  Anyone need a refill?

McG: Perhaps you can settle an argument for us.  How do you feel about this Mrs. Moneybags program WDLC will be putting on? 

Midna (shrugs): It's not anything I'm interested in.  Seems like a goofy way to get a husband, but I've seen goofier.  

Susan: You agree, then, that there's nothing immoral or unethical about it?

Nancy:  But it's so decidedly unromantic! 

McG:  Not all women can be as fortunate as we are.  Particularly in modern society.  

Nancy:  My daughters are grown, so I can't forbid them, but I have strongly advised against it.  

McG: I'd tell my daughter it's a bad idea if she shows an interest in anything but dinosaurs.  If she ever marries, it's bound to be a Velociraptor.  

The Giant

 

Zenobia's phone chimes as she's leaving The Tor.  It's her boss.

Midna: I got Esmeralda to stay over until you get to work, just in case this meeting runs late.  Is it true your dad hired The Giant to defend him?  Doesn't seem to fit what I know of him.

Zenobia:  He's good at ignoring your defects if you are of use to him.  The Giant's the best defense attorney on the planet, so it only follows that Dad hired him.  

Midna: I was shocked the first time I saw the guy.  I expected... well, a giant. 

Zenobia: He's a giant in the courtroom.  Also, there's probably some irony there.  

Midna: Like calling a skinny guy Fatso.  Anyway, don't sweat it about work.

Andre: I suppose you're wondering why I asked you to meet me here, at Mr. Rhee's office.  

Boudicca: He's Family Law, and we are here about family matters.  It's only logical to have him involved. 

Andre: Exactly!  Your father told me you were smart.  And Zenobia, you've moved back into the family home to help.  That must be a sacrifice for you.

Zenobia (not sure if he's being sarcastic): Mom instilled a strong sense of family duty in all of us.  My siblings need me, so here I am. 

Andre: Excellent.  Since the matters of home and family fall under his purview, I'll give the floor over to Mr. Rhee. 

Jimin: Thank you, sir.  (To Zenobia and Boudicca) There was some question of locking down your father's finances, but given the needs of  minor children, I managed to keep some funds available.  Household and educational expenses, for example.  Boudicca's tuition and books are paid from her own accounts, so we don't need to worry about that. 

Zenobia:  Yeah, Mom saw to that.  When I decided against higher education, he tried to take my college fund. She didn't want him doing that to the others if they pursued unseemly careers. 

Jimin: There are some formalities, papers to sign regarding custody of Draco and Leia, but no surprises.  Besides a collective tightening of the proverbial belt, I think life will mostly go on as usual for them. 

Andre: There were some questions as to Zenobia's ability to fulfill her role. 

Zenobia: Yet I was the first person he called to do it.  (imitating Paris) You are the eldest child, it falls upon you.

Andre (trying not to smile): Questionable morals aside, you pass muster as a responsible adult.  

Boudicca: I think Draco might have sealed that deal, anyway.  Shot himself in the foot, telling the investigator what a sleazy slimy slut you are and then praising your friends as good people.  Albus in particular. 

Zenobia: He does have a lot more respect for Albus than I would've expected. 

Andre: Well, then, once these papers are signed, we can all go about our day.  I'll be back in touch with you regarding Paris's defense. 

After The Shower

 Reminder and warning:  Dirty talk and invisible-to-the-reader masks.

Midna:  We should keep these decorations, for the wedding.  Even if you aren't going all traditional, it'll be a nice touch.  At least around the area where the signing of the document is going to happen. 

Tris: Way ahead of you.  Four and Bapo are picking me up when they get done at the realtor and we're headed out there to get an idea where we want to set up.  The decorations won't go up until the day of, but we'll take them with us.

Midna:  Realtor?  

Hank:  Unfortunately, I don't seem to have anything available within your price range, gentlemen.  Unless you're willing to pay more, I'm afraid there isn't much I can do for you. 

Four: I've got an idea, Bapo.  Dad and Mom are giving us that money as a wedding gift...  

Django: Absolutely not.  That's meant to get you a start in your married life.  

Four: We could find a property that serves as both home and business.  Maybe a place with a detached garage we could convert?  You know Jessie would help.  All these commercial lots are way too big for what we need, anyway. 

Django: It's a thought.  I'm not too keen on you investing so much, though.

Four: I'd be investing in a home, too.  Two birds with one stone. 

Django: Tris would be okay with that? 

Four: It was her idea. 

Tris: You're late.

Four: Yeah, I had to talk Bapo into your idea.  Higgins tried to sell us things like the old grocery store.  

Tris:  He went for it? 

Four: Only after Higgins flat told us we couldn't afford anything on just his money.  (looking at the gifts)  We got some good stuff.  There's a whole kitchen here.

Zenobia (teasing): Just in a big hurry to get away from me.  I see how you are.

Four: Actually, we had an idea about that.  Bapo is renting camper space at The Point, but I told Jessie you might be willing to take her on as a roomie when we move out.  

Tris: I know you two don't know each other very well, but I was practically a stranger when you let me move in with you.  

Zenobia: I like Jessie.  Missed her today, but she couldn't make it.  She works too much.  

Midna: Okay, I think everything is stable.  Unless y'all go rip-tearing around, it'll make it to Django's car intact.  Just be careful and take it slow. 

Four (snickers): Seems I heard that advice earlier today.  (exchanges a significant glance with Tris)  Talked to Bapo. 

Tris: I hope he was more help than these guys were. 

Midna: I don't know what you wanted.  Step by step diagrams? 

Zenobia: I think I have some books at home with those.

Tris: No, Zenobia, you have smut. (sticks her tongue out)  I looked through your bookshelves.

Zenobia: Don't stick it out unless you intend to use it. 

Four:  She does intend to use it.  Just not on you. 

Tris:  Mariko ran home real quick and brought me this.  It's a pamphlet from her parents' old counseling office.  It's for people with sexual dysfunction, but she said the advice in it is good for a couple of virgins, too. 

Four: Mariko never fails to surprise me.  (Looks around)  Where is she? 

Tris: She said she had somewhere important to be, but I think she was just getting out of clean up duty.  

 

Tris's Bridal Shower

 Note:  Masks in Barbieville are invisible to readers.  

Also some "dirty talk".  Consider yourselves warned.  

Sunburst is closed on Wednesday, but Midna insisted on it being the venue for Tris's bridal shower. 

Tris: I know I insisted on an old-fashioned bridal shower instead of a Bachelorette Party, but now that we're all here, I do have a question for y'all.  Those of you with experience in the area, anyway.  How do I make sure we have a good sex life?  Neither one of us has any clue what we're doing.

 

Zenobia (pretending anger): Oh, I see how you are!  Gotta be a G-rated with the games and decor, but you wanna talk dirty! 

Pern (laughing): I think she's secretly a pervert.

Tris: Seriously.  It's a big deal.  I've been trying to read up on the subject, but... 

Pern: Oh, it's not something you can learn from a book.  I mean, you can learn the biology, but not the stuff you're worried about.  That's personal stuff.

Tris: I've tried to talk to Zenobia about this, but all she ever tells me is to jump his bones.  Esmeralda just keeps saying it'll be fine, but I feel weird pressing his mother for details.  

Zenobia: But here you are, with her sitting right over there. 

Pern: Well, your first time is not gonna be like in the movies.  It's going to be awkward and not real satisfying.  I've never met anyone who had a first time like in the movies.

Tris: Esmeralda did tell us we'll get better with practice. 

Mariko: Communication is the important thing.  (at the others' reaction)  What?  You don't have to be a married mom to know stuff.

Esmeralda: I don't think you've even had a sweetheart in all the time I've known you. 

Whitney: She hasn't.  

Mariko: Sex is just another part of a relationship, and communication is important in any relationship.  You can't expect people to know what you like unless you tell them.  

Violet:  She's right.  (to Mariko)  No offense, but you are the last person I expected that kind of insight from.  

Esmeralda: One thing I always hated is that whole thing, expecting your man to know why you're upset.  This really is just an different version of the idea. (To Mariko)  How did you know that when women my age still haven't figured it out?

Mariko: Osmosis.  My parents are both relationship counselors. Well, psychologists, technically.

Violet (to Tris): Mariko nailed it.  I have nothing to add. 

Esmeralda: Yeah, I don't think anyone can top that.

Zenobia: Now can we do some of these lame party games?  I sweated for hours over a hot printer for these, ya know! 

    

Midna:  Yes, please.  I might have something to contribute in that conversation. 

Zenobia:  The boss has spoken.  (starts to gather materials)  Wait, what?

Smiths Happen

John waits nervously as the music begins.  The day he's wanted for so long is finally here! 

Best Man Sulu and Maid of Honor Midna seem to take forever to march down the aisle and join him at the front.  Mayor Rose-Grace Pike forces herself not to grin when Sulu winks at her. 

Nakoma and Anakin follow suit, although they do move a bit faster.  John suspects Midna and Sulu went so slow just to prolong his torture.

Roxy (whispering): Kelly, ring bearer stands on Daddy's side. 

Kelly: No way! I ain't no boy! 

As the music swells, Pocahontas pauses before making her entrance.

Albus: Take the bouquet and go claim that man for yourself.

Pocahontas: I wish Mom was here. 

Albus: Kida's here.  She's just disguised as an old man. 

Finally, John stands before his bride.  It took way too long to get here.

Rose-Grace: Who gives this woman in marriage? 

Albus: In her mother's stead, I bless this woman's choice to give herself in marriage. 

Instead of removing "obey" from her traditional vows, they add it to his.  Then the kiss, a rather chaste one despite Sulu's previous urging to make it sexy.  

Rose-Grace: It is my honor to introduce, for the first time ever, John and Pocahontas Smith. 

Sulu: I've known John pretty much all my life.  We practically lived at each other's houses from second grade on.  Pocahontas was always there, too.  We were like the Three Musketeers.

Pocahontas: Or the three stooges.

Sulu (pointedly ignoring her, but waits for laughter to subside):  There was, shall we say, a large bump in the road on the way to this day.  There were times I doubted it would happen, I won't lie, but here we are.  John, my brother from another mother, you deserve every bit of the happiness ahead of you.  And all the butt-kicking that girl's served out - past and future.

Midna: I know it's bad form to bring it up, but I went to college with a broken-hearted gal.  She poured herself into her studies, determined to keep her mother's dream alive despite the fact that her own had evaporated.  I was prepared to hate John.  Instead, I became his biggest cheerleader.  Fate has given John and Pocahontas a second chance.  As deeply as they love one another, they'd be fools to let it go.

Pocahontas: Thank you so much, Albus.  Ever since Dad walked out on us, I planned to do the father/daughter dance with Mom.  You're the closest thing I have now. 

Albus: I've never been happier that she cussed me out for trying to warn her about that guy.  

When the time comes for the groom to dance with his mother, John shocks everyone by cajoling Pern into the spotlight.  Her cheeks nearly as pink as her hair, she joins him.

John: My mother passed away a few years ago and I don't have an Albus.  I chose to honor Pernilla today because she's given me quite a precious gift.  We have full legal custody of Pern's son, my brother-in-law Anakin, who has even taken my surname. 

Nakoma (muttering): Don't do it, John.  

Midna: What? 

Roxy: You don't want nobody to know your name is Smith now, too?

Nakoma: Today is about John and my sister, okay?  It isn't about me or my loser father.

John doesn't do it.  Probably because he was warned beforehand.

 

Midna Takes One For The Team

Violet: As your business manager, I have to object to your advertising a competitor's business, but as a citizen of Barbieville, I understand.  Strange times we're living in. 

Midna: I figure the Changs need the little bit of profit still coming in more than I do.  I'm more upset about doing this to my employees than I am about any hit my pocketbook's gonna take.  

Violet:  Are the Changs doing all right?  Aside from the money, there's so many people blaming this on Asians and Chinese in particular.  

Midna: Well, I guess any racists in Barbieville get to cook for themselves or starve. I vote for starve.

Violet (laughs): You're an evil woman, Midna Sunburst. 

After finally getting into and registering at the Unemployment website, Pern browses free on-line courses.  Knowledge has become Pern's new drug of choice, a vast improvement over her last one!

Nova: Mariko?  Why are you here? 

Mariko: Sunburst is closed for the duration.  I was almost to work when Midna called, so I just turned around and followed Jeremiah home.

Nova: We'll muddle through somehow.  We always do.

Jeremiah: Alex, one of us needs to use your computer while the other uses the family room one.  We hear it's a nightmare to get into Unemployment's website.  You got anything on it you don't want us seeing?

Alex: Not that I can think of.  Why not have Mariko use mine, just in case? 

Jeremiah: Good plan.  She's not your dad.

Nova: Hurry back.  We're doing cornrows.  Lottie's upstairs admiring hers.   We'll do yours, too.  

Frodo: I guess your mom told you we're out of work for a while? 

Four: Yeah.  I was just getting ready to whip Finnick on COD.  You in? 

Frodo: Sure.  Let me pry my little brother off of Youtube.  

Zenobia: Welcome to Openly Biased.  My roomie and I are both out of work due to COVID-19, so my content will be a little different for a while.  We'll talk about current events, of course, but my only guest will probably be Miss Tris here, and we'll share what we're up to! 

Tris: Tomorrow's topic will be "alternatives to pitching your device out the window while trying to apply for Unemployment".

Whitney (sobbing):  What am I gonna do, Mom?  

Kyra:  Honey, it's not that bad.  You aren't paying rent or anything. 

Whitney: Dad just moved into town and this was my chance to show him.  I'm carrying good grades, working a job, and taking care of Wilma.  Everything he's been saying about me is wrong. Now I'm unemployed and not going to school. 

Kyra: You were laid off because of something you have no power over.  You are still doing your schoolwork.  And you don't have anything to prove to Meanie Grandpa, Whitney.  He wrote you off and that's his loss. 

Whitney (still crying, but not as hard): It still hurts so bad, though. 

Kyra: I know, sweetheart, I know.  He wrote me off, too.