New Folks, Old Families

 In a small park near Doll County Airport, three new arrivals claim a bench.

Oksana:  I bet my new daddies get here before your new mommies do.  

Vash: No way!  Your new mommies are old and everybody knows old people drive slow. 

Oksana: Mr. Picard, do you think it's yukky to have two mommies or two daddies?  That man on the airplane said it is.

JL: I'm sure it's none of my business.  I was asked by the agency to escort you here, since we were all coming to the same place.  I was not asked to judge anyone's morals.  

Vash: Are you calling Miss Tuesday to tell her we made it?  

JL: Yes.  Please play quietly while I do so. 

Vash: We gots to be quiet anyway because Jraff and Sleepy are having a nap.  

JL (on phone): We've arrived safely.  The families are stuck in traffic behind an accident, but they are on the way.  I will stay with the children as promised.  (Listens for a moment.)  I did have to suggest to a homophobe that he write to the government instead of frightening small children, but otherwise there's been no problem.  

JL reads up on his new hometown while the girls play, occasionally mentioning something that might interest them, until the first set of parents arrives.  Peeta handles the legalities with JL while Ken plops onto the ground beside the children.

Oksana: I told her that my daddies would beat her mommies here.  Cause they're old and you aren't.

Ken: We know the roads because we grew up here and they just moved here. Bertie and Daisy ain't so old.  Older than us, but younger than my mom.  

Vash: You know my new mommies?  Do you know my new sister, too?  (pronouncing carefully) Es-per-on-za.

Ken: Barbieville's a small town.  Pretty much everyone knows everyone.   

JL snaps a photo for the agency before releasing Oksana to their custody.  (Probably for promotional and legal purposes, but he didn't ask.)  

Oksana:  Bye-bye, Vash.  See you at school, I guess! 

Vash:  I hope we get a nice teacher.  

Peeta: She's very nice.  (elbows Ken.)  We like her a lot. 

Oksana: Oh, yeah!  I forgot, Vash, my new Grandma is gonna be our teacher!  

Vash:  That's almost as neat-o as one of my mommies being the news lady! 

Ken (points toward parking lot):  There's Vash's mommies, in that white car.  We'll point them in the right direction.

Since JL has the camera ready, The Hernandez family poses before getting down to business. 

Daisy:  We really appreciate your taking care of Vash for her trip.  It was very nice of you. 

JL: It seemed the most logical course.  A sister agency had, after all, helped me find my home here and therefore knew I was safe for them to travel with.  No need to burden airline staff with the responsibility of two excited adoptees.

Bertie: A lot of people would have refused to do it.  Are you waiting for someone to pick you up?  We could give you a ride if you don't mind squishing a bit.

JL: I was planning to call a cab, but I'd be very happy to accept a ride.  

Esperanza: So.  You're my new sister. 

Vash: Yes.  I had a big sister before, but she got dead like my old mommy and daddy.  It made me sad and scared. Some nice people helped me come here to be safe. 

Esperanza: Nowhere is safe, kid.  Some places are just safer than others, and they're usually boring.  Are you friends with that other girl?  The one Ken and Peeta adopted?  

Vash: We was at the orphan house together.  I'm happy we got adopted to the same town so we can still play together.  

Mrs. Moneybags: Third Elimination

 After the day at Zenobia's pride event, the group gathers in the office of The Point. 

Rayshawn: Well, ladies, it's time.  Marty and I have made our decision.  

Rayshawn: Doreen, you're this week's high score.  Fives from both of us.  You and yours are very compatible with the Lucas men.  That brings your total to 27. 

Doreen (claps her hands): I'm so glad! 

Rayshawn: Gwen, I gave you a three and Marty gave you a four.  We liked your family, but frankly, we just liked the Carsons better.  Your total is also 27.

Gwen: I'm not complaining.  I figured Doreen would take this one, with Tommy existing and all. 

Rayshawn: Sally, I'm sorry to say that you scored lowest this time.  One point from each of us.  From what you tell us of your family, it doesn't seem as if they'd be compatible with us at all.  We don't do gender roles and we certainly don't cast out people for things beyond their control. 

Sally: Nobody cast me out.  I chose to be here and do this. 

Rayshawn: You clearly feel that you had no better option.  Your total is sixteen. 

Rayshawn: Seven, you get four points form me and three from Marty.  From what you tell us, your family seems like our kind of people.  Your total is 21. 

Seven: Excellent. 

Rayshawn: Esperanza, you score two from each of us, despite the fact that we did find your mothers to be good people, bringing your total to thirteen.  You're going home.  

Esperanza: Yeah, I figured. 

Rayshawn: A parting gift of three thousand dollars.  No airfare home, since you live here in Barbieville.  

Esperanza: It's been quite an experience.  Thanks for the consideration.  (shakes hands and leaves)

Rayshawn:  Next week, we're relaxing more.  Just pulling our shifts in the front office, hanging around The Point, and at the end of the week....  (gestures to Nakoma)

Nakoma: For those of you who don't know me, I'm Nakoma Smith, one of the owners of Witch's Cove.  On Friday, we've reserved admission tickets for all of you.  Nothing like the pleasant exhaustion from a day at the amusement park to bring... 

Sally: I can't go to an amusement park!  With my health issues, I won't be able to ride anything!

Seven: There's lots to do besides ride.  Midway games, eating, shopping... even just people watching.

Gwen: Yeah, I can't ride much because of my back, but it's still a fun day. 

Doreen: See there?  Gwen can stay with you while we ride the things you can't.  

Sally: No, thank you.  (To Nakoma) I respectfully decline your offer.  I'll just stay here at the motel while they go. 

Nakoma: I did not expect that.  

Rayshawn: It's cool.  We'll just need one ticket less.  

Charlotte: Seriously?  You should make her go!  It's part of the deal! 

Rayshawn: I'm not in the habit of making people do things they don't want to.  (To Nakoma) Don't worry, you'll still get your money's worth in free advertising.  

Mrs. Moneybags At Pride

 Rayshawn hosts a day at the privately funded Pride Event, held for the second year by Zenobia Malfoy.  This gives him a chance to get acquainted with the families of his prospective brides... at least, the ones with family in town.  Doreen's goes first.

Tommy: It will be so cool if we end up being stepbrothers!  Do you think your dad would adopt us?  Can you adopt grownups? 

Marty: I'd get two brothers and a sister just like that - BAM.   

Tommy: And Peeta.  Someday he's gonna be a brother in law.  Not sure about Jimin, he's pretty new. 

Rayshawn: If your mom wins this thing, would any of you be interested in going to work at The Point?  She says she intends to continue to teach, but her weekends and summers are negotiable. 

Bonnie: Absolutely not.  I have a career at the Probation Office.  

Ken: I don't see why not, if it doesn't get in the way of school.  I plan to be a teacher like Mom.  

Peeta: Does that offer include in-laws?  (To Doreen)  Yes, we're finally getting around to planning a wedding.  

*****

Next, he meets Gwen's sister and niece.

Rallee: Before you ask... no, I will not work at The Point.  I busted my butt to be Superintendent of Schools and plan to stay on track to better education for as many kids as possible.  

Gwen: She's gonna be Secretary of Education someday, just watch.  If not President.  

Rallee: President?  (laughs) Can you imagine?

Rayshawn: Actually, I can.  Gwen speaks very highly of you, and so does almost everyone else in this town.  

Rallee: Well, I speak just as highly of her.  Gwen's been my rock, all my life.   

Marty: So you might be my cousin soon.  I don't know what to do with a cousin. 

Luna: Neither do I!  (both laugh) It's always just been the three of us, ever since I can remember.  My grandparents died when I was a baby and my dad ran off before I was born.  

****

After lunch, it's time for the Hernandez clan. Charlotte shows up with them, having taken Esperanza under her wing.

Daisy: We wouldn't come to work for you, no.  Bertie is an anchor on the local news and I'm happy at the grocery store.  Besides, we wouldn't want to meddle in Esper's marriage.  

Rayshawn: That's not a bad policy, generally speaking.  My first marriage was a disaster because meddling is all her family did.  They're having fits now because I kept Marty for the summer, said I should just do this on my own and Marty would have to live with my choice. 

Bertie: As unorthodox as this is, I applaud your including the boy.  He's going to have to live with the woman, he should have some say in the matter.  

*****

Rayshawn takes Esperanza on a carriage ride, as he's done with each lady after meeting the family.  Charlotte's sister finds her sitting alone after Bertie and Daisy leave.

Charlotte: Why are you carrying that child?  Her legs work.

Batgirl: She's exhausted.  If I stood her up right now, she'd just crumble to the ground.

Jenny: Wainbow Day makes me sweepy. 

Batgirl: I saw the camera crew following the carriage.  Mace didn't look happy about it.  

Charlotte: I really don't understand Rayshawn's priorities.  For one thing, why is Martin getting a vote?  He's a child!  And there's been no romancing of the women... it's almost like he's interviewing them for a job. 

Batgirl: Well, I imagine it's hard to romance anyone with a camera crew over your shoulder.  And in a sense, courtship is a job interview.  If Joe hadn't met my requirements for a husband, I wouldn't be with him now. 

Charlotte: You and I have very different requirements for a husband, clearly.  

******

Rayshawn joins Charlotte before his time with Sally and Seven.

Rayshawn: What do you think?  

Charlotte: I'm still stuck on Rallee Jones as a government figure.  With her half-shaved head and bastard daughter?  Seriously? 

Rayshawn: You have a bastard of your own, if memory serves. 

Charlotte: I do not!  Billy adopted Christopher! 

Rayshawn: What about the Carsons?  The only one of them unwilling to help was Bonnie, and she had good reason. Marty's already friends with Tommy, too.

Charlotte:  Dullest family ever.  And I don't even think those boys are really gay - they certainly don't act like it. Holding hands... big deal.

Rayshawn: Well, your pet's mothers weren't exactly slobbering all over each other, and none of them want to work at The Point.  Not even Esperanza - she thinks she's going to be a star.  (melodramatic gesture) I'm not even sure how that girl came from Bertie and Daisy, honestly, they're so grounded.

*****

Since neither of the two remaining ladies have family nearby to meet, Rayshawn takes each of them on an extra long carriage ride and discuss the matter.

Marty: Hey, look, Sally, we match! 

Sally: Yes, we do.  (To Rayshawn) Honestly, I don't understand.  You allow him to play with girl toys and wear girl clothes and now we're at a Pride Rally.  Is he gay?  Do you want him to be? 

Rayshawn: Do you have a problem with gays?  

Sally: It's just not natural.  If men were intended to be with men, children would result.  It's like a cat mating with a dog or something. 

Marty: Boys and girls do lots of stuff that don't make babies.  (starts to list them, beginning with condoms, but Rayshawn hushes him)  So, Sally... do you come from a big family? 

Sally: I do.  We all work with livestock, in some form.  None of them would be willing to confine themselves to living or working in town like this, but I can't do that anymore and must find something! 

Rayshawn: None of your family can take you in? 

Sally: No one has room for dead weight. Why, I can't even work as a flag girl at the rodeo anymore, not with my face disfigured.  My only option is to find a husband who doesn't mind that. I'm a great cook.  I'll make a good wife. 

******

Seven's turn!

As they start out, Tierra runs over.

Tierra: Thank you so much, Rayshawn!  I got the best job from your friend!  (to Seven)  She owns an amusement park and wanted to bring in costumed characters, maybe a little show or two... and I'm totally in charge of that!  

Rayshawn: I hoped you could work with them.  Not exactly Broadway, but it pays good and you can keep your dignity. 

Tierra: Yes! Some women like (glances at Marty) exotic dancing, but not me.  The theater I was interning at got mad when I said I was staying in Barbieville, but I gotta do what I gotta do! 

Seven: I'm so happy for her!  And you - a lot of men would've just rejected her and shipped her off. 

Rayshawn: I rejected her as a wife, not as a person.  Remember, I did ship off Reggie V.

Marty: She was so stuck up, she probably thinks she rejected you. 

Seven:  Well, I guess you want to hear about my family, since that's today's focus.  I've got 3 siblings. We've all got diplomas, but there was no money for college. We all went right to work.  Some of us even worked before graduating.  We're all single, no kids. 

Rayshawn: What about your parents? 

Seven: Nasty divorce, a long time ago.  None of us have much to do with either of them, honestly, because it's constant rant about how horrible the other parent is.  Just toxic. 

Marty: Do you like gay people? 

Seven: I would have refused to come here today if I had a problem with anyone represented by this festival.  (glances at Rayshawn) Is that part of today's test? 

Rayshawn:  It wasn't originally.  I made the mistake of assuming anyone who participated in something like this was pretty open-minded.   

Mrs. Moneybags: Second Elimination

 The elimination begins with Marty detailing his ratings and the reasons for them. 

Marty: I gave Doreen six and Gwen five, but it was pretty close.  They're both really nice, but at the same time made me behave.  Tierra got four - she taught me all kinds of neat stuff about Volkwagen Vans, like the difference between a Kombi and a Samba, but most of the time she just tried too hard.  Seven gets three because she didn't seem like she was being herself.  Esperanza got two for being pretty nice but then she complained about she might have to clean a toilet and slapped that lady.  Sally gets one because she keeps telling me I can't do "girl stuff" and saying I'm gonna marry Stacie because we can't just be friends once we're grown up. 

    

Esperanza: That woman needed a lot more than slapped!  My moms are gay!

Doreen: My son is gay, I get it, but slapping them isn't going to change anything.  You have to kill them with kindness. 

Tierra:  Violence is only the answer if you've been physically attacked.  

Rayshawn: I'm going to start with Esperanza, since she's obviously pulling the low score tonight.  I commend your drive to defend your mothers, and everyone else who falls into that category, but you assaulted one of my customers.  Anna managed to convince her not to press charges.  

Esperanza: Anna assaulted me, how about that? 

Seven: We saw the video.  All she did was pull you off that Karen.  

Rayshawn: Sally, you get two points.  You should have asked Anna to help the customer or offered one of the area maps we keep under the counter.  Tierra scores three, for refunding a customer's money when the problem was the fault of the customer - all our advertising makes it clear that the swimming offered is Muneca Lake.  Customer should have paid more attention.

Tierra: Dude, I thought she was gonna hit me! 

Rayshawn: Gwen, your blunder made me laugh, I'm not gonna lie.  But all you needed to say was that it's policy to require ID.   You get four.  Doreen gets five for a similar mistake, correcting a customer's assumption that our housekeeping staff are thieves.  Just give the man his towels and let it go.  And we finally get to Seven, who has scored six.  The only mistake you made, at least as far as this judging goes, was forgetting the dress code on your first day.  

Charlotte:  Adding together last week with your scores today, these are the current tallies.  

Esperanza:  I'm still in the running?!  I thought for sure, after... 

Gwen: The only one who scored higher than you last week was Doreen. That saved you.

Tierra: Looks like I'm going home. 

Rayshawn: Your parting gift is one thousand dollars for each week you lasted and air fare home.  However, there may be a job for you here in Barbieville.  I enclosed a letter of reference for you, if you're inclined to  look into it.  Your theater background may be exactly what she's looking for.

Tierra: Thank you.  I will definitely look into that.  I hope we can be friends if I stick around. 

Tierra makes it a point to shake Marty's hand, as well.  

Marty: I'll miss talking hippie vans with you.  

Tierra: Me, too.  It was nice to find someone who didn't roll their eyes at me.

Unlike Regina's exit, Tierra stops to say goodbye to her competition. Seven cries - she and Tierra became fast friend when they met on the flight to Barbieville.  

Mrs Moneybags: Go to The Video

 After a week of working in the front office, the candidates are shown video clips.

Anna: Rayshawn told me he's taught all of you the basics and now it's time to see if you have what it takes. 

Seven:  It all seems fairly straightforward.  And Rayshawn speaks very highly of you. 

Anna: (Notes the short skirt.)  You can wear that today, but next time, remember the dress code.  No skin visible between the armpits and the knees.

*CLIP TWO*

Esperanza: What can I do for you? 

Woman:  There are a band of perverts out there!  You must do something about this! 

Esperanza: What are they doing? 

Woman: They've got one of those flags hanging from the awning of their camper!  (leans in closer and whispers) The gay thing.  

Esperanza: Ma'am, unless they are doing something blatantly sexual -- 

Woman:  I will not allow my children to be exposed to that.  Sickos like that should be shot!

Esperanza slaps the woman and starts to climb across the counter. 

Anna:  No, Esperanza!  Stop it! 

 *CLIP THREE*

Gwen: Okay, looks like you're all set.  I just need to see some ID. 

Man:  Why do you need to see that? 

Gwen: Why, to avoid giving your room to someone else by accident.  You'd be surprised how often people use a false name. 

Man: Do I look like a damn criminal? 

Gwen: Neither did Ted Bundy. (laughs) It's pretty standard procedure at most campgrounds and motels, sir, for security reasons.  To protect both you and The Point.

Man grumbles but reaches for his wallet.

*CLIP  FOUR*

Guy: I need clean towels and wash cloths.

Doreen: Oh, I'm sorry.  Did Housekeeping miss your room? 

Guy: I put up the Do Not Disturb sign.  I don't want my valuables to disappear. 

Doreen:  I assure you, our cleaners are honest people.  

Guy: Just give me some clean towels. 

*CLIP FIVE*

Sally:  Can I help you?

Lady:  I need directions to an eatery called Sunburst.  

Sally: I'm new to the area.  I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.

*CLIP SIX*

Tierra: I'm sorry, ma'am, but there is no pool.  

Broad: There's no pool!?  How are we supposed to swim if there is no pool?! 

Tierra: Well, we are on the shore of Muneca Lake.  If you follow the lane between plots 15 and 17 -- 

Broad: We are not swimming in some filthy lake!  

Tierra: Well.  I don't know what to tell you.  

Broad: You can tell me I get a refund and I'll find another place to stay, one that has a pool! 

****Second Elimination Coming Soon****

Mrs. Moneybags The Job At Hand

 

The episode begins with Regina Vidal's exit.   

Rayshawn: Regina, in this envelope I bear your parting gift.  One thousand dollars for each week you were here and first-class airfare to your home.  Despite your elimination, I thank you for the time and effort you gave me and hope you do well in the future.  

Regina:  Thank you.  It was an interesting experience.

Rayshawn:  Would you like to say anything to the remaining ladies? 

Regina:  I've said everything to them there is to say.  (Takes the envelope and leaves.)

Charlotte: One down, five to go.  

Rayshawn: Look, Charlotte, I appreciate your help with all this, but announcing the elimination for me is not cool.  This is my thing, mine and Marty's. 

Charlotte: I know.  I just... I got carried away.  

Rayshawn: You're forgiven.  I know how you can be. 

Rayshawn:  Ladies, welcome.  Today we begin to focus on your skills with operating a motel and campground.  You'll be working alongside my current employees for the next week and they'll report back to me how well you've done.  This is important because, as my wife, you will be one of the owner-operators of The Point.  Of course, Marty and I will also be gauging how compatible you are with each of us.  

Rayshawn: The job is simple once you've learned it.  Checking guests in and out, mostly.  Some light cleaning, both in the office and out on the lot.  If housekeeping is overwhelmed, we help cleaning the rooms as well, but usually they can handle it.   Since school's not out for the summer yet, Gwen and Doreen will be scheduled in the evenings.

Doreen: I was about to ask about that.  I'm a hard worker, but I can't be in two places at once. 

Tierra: Basically, this is like an office job?  I thought we'd be putting in drywall and painting. 

Rayshawn (laughs): I implied that in your packets, but a local contractor will be doing all the remodeling work.  It's part of my screening process - I have no intention of taking a lazy bride. 

Seven: Sneaky, but I like it.

Esperanza (whispering): He expects us to clean toilets?  

Sally (quietly): No big deal.  I used to shovel manure for hours at a time.

Marty: Whoever is working the desk helps me with homework, too.  Daddy doesn't trust me to do it if I just go home.  (blushes) I almost flunked out last year from slacking off. 

Tierra: As long as it isn't math.  I'm terrible at math. 

Seven:  Yeah, this one can't even calculate a tip! 

Rayshawn: All right, then.  I've got Esperanza and Tierra scheduled for the shift starting now.  Everyone else get out of here - unless Marty has homework? 

After the rest have gone, Rayshawn begins training.