The EVPs

 Jeremiah tells the team to listen closely to the audio files from Peeta and Frodo's equipment.  

Peeta: Do the motion sensors first.  I'm sure we got something there, the way that one kept falling despite being weighted.  (The data comes up on Jeremiah's screen.  It's like a flatlined heart monitor, but the line wiggles slightly before a large jump.  The pattern repeats twice.)  That was me making it stay upright.  We stepped out of range and started doing EVPs.

The line on the screen remains flat, except for rapid bursts of small spikes. 

Jeremiah (to Esperanza, the team rookie): Normal footfalls, like Peeta and Frodo would have made, don't look like that.  Might be small animals.  Remember, we never assume it's paranormal until we've eliminated all other possibilities.  

Peeta: We put down the powder.  No paw prints.  

Frodo:  The EVP we got definitely isn't animals.  Give it a listen.  (To Esperanza) Electronic Voice Phenomena.  

Jeremiah cues up the file.  Frodo is heard asking any spirits to talk to him, then a distorted voice is heard.  The voice is followed by distant childish laughter and Jeremiah pauses the recording for input from the team.  

Frodo: Can't catch me.  

Jeremiah: I hear "fantasy".

Esperanza: No, it's "don't touch me".  

Jeremiah (to Esperanza): You see how we all hear it differently.  That's the norm.  A clear EVP is rare.

The recording continues with the laughter and Frodo asking "who are you?" Jeremiah pauses it again after the voice, or a similar one, responds.

Jeremiah: Antonio?  Did we just get a name? 

Nova: Sounds like "don't I know" to me. 

Frodo: Float my boat.

Hagrid: Broke my nose.

Esperanza: Man, this is nothing like those ghost shows.  They're always like "oh, yes, a kid named Antonio dropped dead in this very spot in 1834".  

Hagrid: They get the history and stuff beforehand, don't they? They're listening for certain things.  It's like that thing with faces, para-doily, but with ears instead of eyes.  This way we'll know it's probably Antonio if we find an Antonio in the history.

Jimin: That's why we avoid places like Lizzie Borden's house - everyone knows that story, everyone has opinions, so they're likely to hear what they want.  (laughs) I saw on one of those shows, they insisted the EVP said "Lizzie killed me" but it sounded to me like "feta cheese".

Ken:  Normally all we can make out is vowel sounds and tone.  It's like back in the day, when everyone was hearing devil messages in records played backwards.  What we do is note what our impressions are and then compare to the history.  

Esperanza: Play that last one, the one from near the log ride. 

Nova: Hey, that's my husband you're bossing around!  (To Jeremiah) Play it.

Jeremiah plays it. 

Jimin: Leave me alone.

Esperanza: Repeat the note.  

Results Are In

 After gathering data, Doll County Paranormal gathers in the Overlook to corollate the data.  

Jeremiah:  EMF readings seem normal, except for the unusual spikes Hagrid noticed.  Esperanza, do we have any sources of electro-magnetic energy around there? 

Esperanza:  That's the lightning bolt and magnet marker, right?  We've got two of them at the Windigo, and Kenna said they were right under the tracks at the time.  

Jeremiah:  So probably interference from the coaster.  Let's move on to the photographs.  

Frodo: That was Ken and Nova.  (To Ken) Y'all better have found something.

 

Jeremiah (clicking through the photos):  Nothing outstanding.  Little bit of either backscatter or orb activity, but so far...  Whoa!  Will you look at that! 

Jeremiah:  Didn't you report feeling watched near the Raging Rapids, Nova? 

Nova:  Yes.  But where is that other one from?  Raging Rapids, also?

Kenna: The ride lights don't look anything like that, even if they had been on.  There wasn't, by any chance, a dance troupe with flashlights out there with us?

Esperanza: I'm way more interested in the white blob with the pink blob under it.  That second one could be backscatter. 

Kenna: It's inconsistent with the backscatter in the other pictures, though.  And there's connecting lines.

Peeta: Let's check the sensors and EVP attempts.  I want to see if Frodo and I got anything.  

Hagrid: It was weird how that one sensor kept falling over.  We got em weighted so they shouldn't do that.  

Jimin: Esperanza and I picked up temperature drops all over the place, but nothing dramatic.  These pictures and any possible EVPs are probably our only solid leads.  

Esperanza:  As far as we know.  We don't know what happened on Lottie's walk through or in the park history.  Jeremiah has to compare all the different sources before we know for sure. 

Jeremiah: Exactly, Esperanza.  All we know from any of that is that most reported activity is along the path we put the sensors by.  I was with Lottie, of course, on her walk-through, but neither of us has shared anything.

Peeta:  That's nice.  Can we get to me and Frodo's work? 

Ghosts and Gossip

 

Doll County Paranormal begins an investigation of local amusement park Witch's Cove.  They split into teams of two.

Jimin:  The most common mistakes made by beginners are pareidolia and backscatter. 

Esperanza: I know about pareidolia.  That's when we see a face where there is no face, because our brains are wired to look for them.  We use it in theater, for subliminal creepiness in a scary production.  

Jimin: Good.  Backscatter is when things like dust are mistaken for ghostly orbs.  Always look for a practical explanation first.  And don't take it to heart if we tease you.  We're still teasing Nova about a screech owl.  

Nova: We're picking up something.  Quit leaning on the post and take some pictures.  

Ken: I'm just catching my breath.  

Nova: Take pictures while you do it.  Especially towards the Raging Rapids - I feel like something that direction is watching us. 

Hagrid: Check this out. 

Kenna: That's probably radio transmissions.  A steel coaster is basically just a big twisted antenna. 

Hagrid: Sure, some of it.  Maybe even most of it.  But there's weirdness on each end of the frequency range.  Spikes at the same time, on each end.

Frodo: This path is supposed to be a very active area.  Jeremiah wants the trip sensors on either side.  Mine's good, but what is going on at your end?  You got fairies dancing around over there? 

Peeta: Only fairy around here is me, smarty pants.  I can't get the damn sensor cone to stay upright.

Frodo: Sounds like a personal problem to me. 

******

Meanwhile: At Sunburst, after a meeting of the Teacher's Union.  

Rallee: I'm glad we got everything sorted.  I was really dreading a strike.  As superintendent, I get all the blame if that happens.  Maybe I should try for that new WDLC show.  I could retire from the whole mess.

Gwen: I'm actually thinking about applying.  I love to teach, but I sure ain't in it for the money. 

Snape: It's practically prostitution, Gwen! 

Rallee: It can be argued that all marriage is prostitution.  

Gwen: You both are such sourpusses.  Why am I sitting with you? 

Suzie: You aren't seriously?

Doreen:  Already mailed the application packet.  I'm not desperate for a man to define me, never have been, but I get tired of sleeping alone.  Two of my kids are grown and in serious relationships.  Tommy's the same age as the potential stepchild.  

Suzie:  Two?  Who is Bonnie dating? 

Midna: Everything good?  Anyone need a refill?

McG: Perhaps you can settle an argument for us.  How do you feel about this Mrs. Moneybags program WDLC will be putting on? 

Midna (shrugs): It's not anything I'm interested in.  Seems like a goofy way to get a husband, but I've seen goofier.  

Susan: You agree, then, that there's nothing immoral or unethical about it?

Nancy:  But it's so decidedly unromantic! 

McG:  Not all women can be as fortunate as we are.  Particularly in modern society.  

Nancy:  My daughters are grown, so I can't forbid them, but I have strongly advised against it.  

McG: I'd tell my daughter it's a bad idea if she shows an interest in anything but dinosaurs.  If she ever marries, it's bound to be a Velociraptor.  

Kids These Days

 Snape and Diana, moving her into her new home, take a lunch break.

Whitney: Well, hello, Mr. Snape.  How have you been? 

Snape: Quite well.  Have you met my sister?  Diana, this is a former student of mine, Whitney Darling.  I imagine she's a student of yours now.  

Whitney: Oh, you must be the new History instructor.  

Diana: Yes, I am.  

Whitney:  I guess I'll see you this evening, then.  I'm in the eight o'clock class. 

Snape: Whitney's an excellent student.  (to Whitney) Have you decided on a major? 

Whitney: Not yet.  My father wants me to go into broadcasting, my boyfriend's aunt wants me in paleontology, my daughter wants me to be a doctor... 

Snape: No pressure from Tanner to go into animal husbandry? (To Diana) Whitney is dating the heir apparent of Windu Acres.  Rose-Grace's stepson. 

Whitney: I should have a career of my own, so I can take care of myself if...  you know, if anything happens. 

William: You flirt with men old enough to be your father?  

Whitney: He's a teacher at the high school.  And what you call flirting is part of my job description.

William: When are you coming into the studio?  

Whitney: I'm not.  I told you, broadcasting doesn't interest me. 

Charlotte: You should treat your father with more respect.  

Whitney: I don't believe politely declining a job offer is disrespectful, Mrs. Jackson.  

Charlotte (to William): My own children are disrespectful as well.  They rarely check in on me or their father, who is hospitalized.  Our generation -- 

William: This is a business lunch.  I prefer not to discuss personal matters. 

Charlotte: I understand.  Since Rayshawn is running late, I suppose I could summarize for you what we have in mind. 

*** 

Whitney rushes to class after work. 

Nakoma: There you are!  I was getting worried. 

Whitney: I met our new prof today.  She's Snape's sister.

Nakoma: Oh, dear.  I hope she's nicer than him.  

Esperanza: Who's Snape?  Your ex?

Nakoma: Chemistry teacher at the high school.  I don't have an ex. 

Ken: Did you hear that?  We're getting a female Snape!  

Frodo: Chill, man.  Mom met her when she was enrolling her little boy at school.  Mom said she's really nice.  Great sense of humor. 

Ken: She must have gotten all the sense of humor genes in the family.  

Lunch at Sunburst

 Note: COVID masks in Barbieville are invisible to readers. Charlotte's children live on the Facebook Page "Our Toy Story", album "Nearly Famous".

Batgirl: It's nice to have some time away from the kids.  I love them, but... 

Joe: I'm glad to be away from your sister. The kids we signed on for! 

Batgirl: I was including her as one of the kids. I really don't understand how she can be so immature. 

Joe: Takes after your folks? 

Charlotte: There you are! Why aren't you answering your phone? 

Batgirl (annoyed): I'm trying to enjoy a quiet lunch with my husband. Free of drama. 

Charlotte: They've brought Chris in on the case! First Uncle Grizzly Adams and now Chris! 

Batgirl: What did your lawyer say?

Charlotte: Same thing as always. Let the boys have my kids, just lock up the money. But I won't do it! They are mine and belong with me! Would you let your children go live with Joe's people?

Joe (jumps to his feet): There is no Joe's People.  My people became hers, and - God help me - hers became mine. That's what marriage is! And yes, if it was best for the kid, we'd let them live with relatives who loved them.

Batgirl: Joe...

Joe:  No, sweetheart, this needs to be said. (to Charlotte) If they've hated you from the start, it's your own fault. Billy considered Chris his son from the moment he married you, he even adopted the boy, and you never gave them a reason to like you.  Why would you? They didn't have the bankbook!

Charlotte stares at Joe for a moment, stunned, and looks at Batgirl. Batgirl has her face buried in her hands, either crying or laughing. Charlotte storms out.

Finnick: Oh, it's just Gabriella's aunt. Should have known. 

Tanner: Come on, man, I'm trying to talk to you about something important. 

Frodo: As if he could hear you. 

Tanner: Well, she's gone now. Can we get back to this?

Finnick: You're way off base. I'm not planning my future around "a girl". She just happens to love Witch's Cove as much as I do, and we'll have that in common even if we do break up. 

Tanner: So you're with the girl for the place? That's even more messed up. (laughs) Okay, then, good for you. Seriously. But I'm not happy with the plan. I think I'm gonna work with Grandpa Mace. He's got those three colts and talking about coming out of retirement.

Finnick: That's cool, man. I know we've done everything together, but we're grown men now. 

Frodo: Twins doing everything together crosses into the creepy zone once you hit puberty, anyway. (to Whitney as she walks up) How's that army of new cooks that replaced me doing?

Whitney: The Rhees replaced Pern and Tris, too. They're servers now.  You just abandoned us. 

Mariko: They're fine. And I do mean fine. 

Frodo: Girl, you are jail bait.  

Whitney: I've got your usual orders in already.  Should I go back and cancel Nakoma's? 

Finnick: No, we'll take it to go.  She talked Pocahontas into replacing that Jeep. And getting a car of her own. She's so tired of sharing the park's golf cart with Albus, and now that she's working and going to college... 

Tanner: Not to mention they've added four members to the family. Five if you count Pern. 

Whitney heads back to get their drinks.

Sulu: Can I get a refill? Little Miss has a bottomless stomach.

Lynch: As if. Diana would explode if she drank all that. 

Whitney: Diana? You did decide to change her name? 

Sulu: Sort of. We're calling her by her middle name. 

Lynch: Couldn't bring myself to take away the honorific to my grandmother. At least this way, my daughter won't be branded a racist the second she introduces herself.  

Lynch gets a call on her radio. 

Lynch: Go ahead, dispatch.  (listens) Possible homicide? I'm on the way! 

The Mouths of Babes

Zenobia:  Welcome to Openly Biased.  Doll County is reopening, but we aren't talking pandemic today.  A larger matter needs our attention.  What's larger than a pandemic?  My guests are the Dean brothers, Frodo and Ty, and the Pike brothers, Tanner and Freddy.  They can explain better than I can.

Frodo: We big brothers have agreed to let Ty and Fred take the lead on this.

Ty: We was both very sad and mad about all the bad stuff people are doing.  Our grownups tried to explain, but we're just little kids.  We don't get it.  

Freddy: So we did a spearmint.  These guys took us to the big mall and traded little brothers.  Frodo walked around all day with me and Tanner did it with Ty.  It was lots of fun.

Ty: Let's trade big brothers like we did then!  (The boys switch laps.)  Tanner took me to a movie and then we got ice cream.  Frodo and Freddy had a big ole pizza and then watched a different movie.

Fred: People asked me like ten bazillion times was I okay and did I know Frodo.  Did he steal me or was he hurting me.  Frodo said it was part of the spearmint.

Ty: Nobody asked me that stuff.  And the big boys said that was the spearmint.  All them people thought Frodo was a bad guy, but not Tanner, and the only difference was what color they were.  So then we found out that even the nice people can be dummies about skin color.

Zenobia: It used to be perfectly normal to own black people.  They were livestock, like horses or cows. 

Ty: Frodo said it's like when you throw a rock in the lake.  Owning black people was the big splash, but then all them little waves happen.  Stuff like when you think the best way is being white and going to church and even being a boy instead of a girl.  That's the waves.

Fred: More like the rock was the moon and the splash made tsunamis!  People think the waves are zag-rated or pretend but they aren't.   I don't want Ty to get dead because he's browner than me.

Ty: Lets show them Grandpa Mace's sign.

 

Fred drags a huge poster board into camera range.

Fred: Red is Jenny, Yellow is Vivica, Black is Ty, and White is me.  We're all friends. 

Zenobia: There are different kinds of each color, too, if you think about it.  Just calling Nakoma and Joe "Indians" ignores the fact that they're different tribes.

Ty:  You're not sposed to say Indian.  You're sposed to say Native American.

Zenobia: You're right.  Nowadays some people get upset about the terms we use.  You boys have been saying black this whole time when you should be saying African-American. 

Ty and Freddy (giggling): Busted!  

Zenobia (to camera): The message is clear here.  We've come a long way, but there is still work to be done.  We all need to work on this, no matter where our ancestors came from.  Barbieville was founded as a haven from racism, but even here, it happens.  

Graduation

Every other parking space in the Barbieville Schools lot has a car in it.  Families are gathered in, on, and around each car.  At least one member of each family is wearing the teal or purple graduation gown.   

Rose-Grace: Welcome, everyone, to possibly the strangest graduation in Barbieville history.  Please remember to stay in your designated parking spaces, just as you would your seats at a normal graduation.  Let's also take a moment to be grateful for the lovely weather today.  (Scattering of applause from the families.)  Each of our graduating seniors has overcome unique struggles to be here today, celebrating with us, but we can't let everyone make a speech.  I give you our valedictorian, Whitney Darling, and salutatorian Edward Dean Junior.  

Whitney: Unlike many of my peers, I didn't grow up in this school system.  Coming to Barbieville Schools was a revelation for me - this is a place where education is valued above all else.  Barbieville does have to meet governmental standards, but they don't do it through rote memorization as my previous school did.  My critical thinking skills were challenged here, often, and the faces in the history books became people to me.  I don't think I've met a student who didn't feel valued by the faculty here.  There's a lot wrong with the world, but I'm confident that everyone taking home a diploma today is prepared to make it a better place.

Frodo's cap blows off in the wind.  He sets it on the table before him, on top of the stack of diplomas, before addressing the crowd.  

Frodo: I came up in the Barbieville system, so the stories I hear about public schools seem like science fiction to me.  Some of that dystopian stuff.  Not to say we're perfect, but we pretty much are. (laughter and applause from crowd)  We all have hopes and dreams, and not all of us will succeed in reaching them, but that's okay.  We're human and that happens.  The important thing is that we are prepared to make the attempt.  Look out, world, Barbieville class of 2020 is coming for you!

The graduates are called to the stage one at a time, where they pick up their diploma from the stack.  The mayor bows slightly to them to acknowledge their achievement.  Since this happens in alphabetical order, it's easy for Finnick Pike to rush back onstage when his twin comes out and they hug the mayor. 

Rose-Grace (laughing but annoyed):  Boys!  I told you not to do that!  We have to set an example! 

Finnick (into the microphone):  She's our stepmom, y'all.  We live in the same house.

****

After.

Fred: Kin I see your no-more-school paper? 

Tanner: It's called a diploma, and we still have school to do.  Trade school or college, so we can get good paying jobs and spoil our little brother.  

Fred: But you know how to trade.  You traded me toast for an egg this morning.

Tanner: Trade means job in this case.  We're going to learn how to build and fix machines, like the Windigo.  My ugly brother wants to marry into the amusement park industry, ya know. 

Finnick: I'm still bummed over no prom.  

Tanner (scoffs): Prom.  Maybe you're my ugly sister. 

The extended family makes a conference call to celebrate with the twins.  

Morgan: Candy, you are looking buff.  We're gonna have to start working out together when you're in town.  

Candy: That would be great.  

Pike: Hey, we're supposed to be here for the boys, not a hen party. 

Morgan: Well, the boys aren't here yet.  Should we just sit here and stare at each other until they show up?  (To Candy)  Do you feel old yet?  With your babies graduating?

Candy: Nah, we started young.  I'll feel old when it's Fred up there. 

Pike: I felt old as hell watching them graduate.  I just wish they could've had the giant party they wanted.  It would've been nice to sit with my family, too, but I managed to nab a spot near them.  

Lee: It'll be a funny story to tell their grandkids someday.  Better than getting shipped off to war for your senior trip.  

McG: I'm calling on the land line to find out what's keeping them.  (The boys log in as she rises.) 

****

Whitney's been getting calls all day from unfamiliar numbers.  Distant relatives, mostly, but one in particular stands out.

William: I bet I'm the last person you want to see, but I had to call.  Valedictorian!  That's a big deal even without...  

Whitney (a note of warning in her tone): Without also being a working mom? 

William: I've never been happier to be proven wrong, Whitney.  I won't keep you long, I'm sure you're busy, but I wanted to tell you that.  

Whitney: Wow.  Thanks, Dad.

****

Zenobia sneaks into the break room even though she is still on the clock.

Tris (annoyed): Stop checking up on me.  I'm fine.

Zenobia: Your parents didn't show up for your graduation.  How can you be fine? 

Tris: The only parents I need were there.  Marcus and Esmeralda.  (takes Zenobia's hand)  Honestly, I swear, I'm good.  And I will let you know if I stupidly start missing those xenophobic Bible-thumping losers. 

Zenobia (not really convinced): Okay.  Did you get the text from Midna about when we reopen Sunburst?  

Tris: Yes.  Now get back to work and let me eat in peace. 

Midna Takes One For The Team

Violet: As your business manager, I have to object to your advertising a competitor's business, but as a citizen of Barbieville, I understand.  Strange times we're living in. 

Midna: I figure the Changs need the little bit of profit still coming in more than I do.  I'm more upset about doing this to my employees than I am about any hit my pocketbook's gonna take.  

Violet:  Are the Changs doing all right?  Aside from the money, there's so many people blaming this on Asians and Chinese in particular.  

Midna: Well, I guess any racists in Barbieville get to cook for themselves or starve. I vote for starve.

Violet (laughs): You're an evil woman, Midna Sunburst. 

After finally getting into and registering at the Unemployment website, Pern browses free on-line courses.  Knowledge has become Pern's new drug of choice, a vast improvement over her last one!

Nova: Mariko?  Why are you here? 

Mariko: Sunburst is closed for the duration.  I was almost to work when Midna called, so I just turned around and followed Jeremiah home.

Nova: We'll muddle through somehow.  We always do.

Jeremiah: Alex, one of us needs to use your computer while the other uses the family room one.  We hear it's a nightmare to get into Unemployment's website.  You got anything on it you don't want us seeing?

Alex: Not that I can think of.  Why not have Mariko use mine, just in case? 

Jeremiah: Good plan.  She's not your dad.

Nova: Hurry back.  We're doing cornrows.  Lottie's upstairs admiring hers.   We'll do yours, too.  

Frodo: I guess your mom told you we're out of work for a while? 

Four: Yeah.  I was just getting ready to whip Finnick on COD.  You in? 

Frodo: Sure.  Let me pry my little brother off of Youtube.  

Zenobia: Welcome to Openly Biased.  My roomie and I are both out of work due to COVID-19, so my content will be a little different for a while.  We'll talk about current events, of course, but my only guest will probably be Miss Tris here, and we'll share what we're up to! 

Tris: Tomorrow's topic will be "alternatives to pitching your device out the window while trying to apply for Unemployment".

Whitney (sobbing):  What am I gonna do, Mom?  

Kyra:  Honey, it's not that bad.  You aren't paying rent or anything. 

Whitney: Dad just moved into town and this was my chance to show him.  I'm carrying good grades, working a job, and taking care of Wilma.  Everything he's been saying about me is wrong. Now I'm unemployed and not going to school. 

Kyra: You were laid off because of something you have no power over.  You are still doing your schoolwork.  And you don't have anything to prove to Meanie Grandpa, Whitney.  He wrote you off and that's his loss. 

Whitney (still crying, but not as hard): It still hurts so bad, though. 

Kyra: I know, sweetheart, I know.  He wrote me off, too.