Taylor Tells The Family

After receiving an alarming call, Rose-Grace combines errands with tracking down her husband.

Rose-Grace:  There you are!  Daisy told me you were in HBAD! 

Pike:  I was, last she knew.  What's going on?

Fred: Step Mommy's real upset.  Tell her it's okay, Daddy. 

Rose-Grace: I just got a call from the Medical Social Worker.  It seems Stacie's convinced herself Taylor is dying.  I know we told Taylor it could wait until she was ready to tell the family, but... 

Pike:  Stacie never really got over your mom's death.  (Significant glance toward Fred)  And this might be too complex for some members of the family. 

Fred: I told Stacie it was big people stuff.  She don't never listen to me. 

*****

That evening.... 

Taylor:  What the hell?!  Does she think we're a bunch of liars?! 

Pike: We kind of set a precedent for what she thinks is going on, given how we failed to properly explain Grammy's illness. 

Taylor: Well, I'm not happy, but I guess we don't have a lot of choice at this point.  Can't have Stacie accidentally starting rumors. 

Rose-Grace:  I'll spread the word.  Family meeting tonight, after the little ones go to bed.  Might as well tell everyone at once.  And I'm sorry we have to rush this on you. 

Taylor: Apology accepted.  I almost have my head wrapped around it, anyway, so... 

Taylor: I... When my appendix burst, the surgeons found out that I don't have internal female guts.  Where my ovaries should be, I have testicles. It's called Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.  (Looks directly at Stacie)  I can't have babies, that's all it really means.  I am not dying. 

Lee:  Wait, what?  

McG:  I'll explain when we get home, dear.  No need to prolong Taylor's discomfort. 

Finnick: Isn't that really rare? 

Taylor: Yes, it is.  And I'd appreciate it if y'all are careful who you talk to about this.  I'm not ashamed or anything, but it's a private matter.  I really don't want it getting all over town. 

Morgan: People can be very cruel, even if they mean well.   I don't blame you for wanting to keep this quiet... especially in high school! 

Mace: That doesn't make any sense... I changed your diapers, you're a girl.  

Tanner: The only boy parts she has are inside, Grandpa.  It's not like the other kinds of Intersex, where the problem's obvious.  

Nikki: Is that in my sex ed book?  Or do we not cover that til a higher grade?

Stacie:  You're not dying?!  Really and truly?! (Runs across the room and hugs Taylor.) 

 

Graduation

Every other parking space in the Barbieville Schools lot has a car in it.  Families are gathered in, on, and around each car.  At least one member of each family is wearing the teal or purple graduation gown.   

Rose-Grace: Welcome, everyone, to possibly the strangest graduation in Barbieville history.  Please remember to stay in your designated parking spaces, just as you would your seats at a normal graduation.  Let's also take a moment to be grateful for the lovely weather today.  (Scattering of applause from the families.)  Each of our graduating seniors has overcome unique struggles to be here today, celebrating with us, but we can't let everyone make a speech.  I give you our valedictorian, Whitney Darling, and salutatorian Edward Dean Junior.  

Whitney: Unlike many of my peers, I didn't grow up in this school system.  Coming to Barbieville Schools was a revelation for me - this is a place where education is valued above all else.  Barbieville does have to meet governmental standards, but they don't do it through rote memorization as my previous school did.  My critical thinking skills were challenged here, often, and the faces in the history books became people to me.  I don't think I've met a student who didn't feel valued by the faculty here.  There's a lot wrong with the world, but I'm confident that everyone taking home a diploma today is prepared to make it a better place.

Frodo's cap blows off in the wind.  He sets it on the table before him, on top of the stack of diplomas, before addressing the crowd.  

Frodo: I came up in the Barbieville system, so the stories I hear about public schools seem like science fiction to me.  Some of that dystopian stuff.  Not to say we're perfect, but we pretty much are. (laughter and applause from crowd)  We all have hopes and dreams, and not all of us will succeed in reaching them, but that's okay.  We're human and that happens.  The important thing is that we are prepared to make the attempt.  Look out, world, Barbieville class of 2020 is coming for you!

The graduates are called to the stage one at a time, where they pick up their diploma from the stack.  The mayor bows slightly to them to acknowledge their achievement.  Since this happens in alphabetical order, it's easy for Finnick Pike to rush back onstage when his twin comes out and they hug the mayor. 

Rose-Grace (laughing but annoyed):  Boys!  I told you not to do that!  We have to set an example! 

Finnick (into the microphone):  She's our stepmom, y'all.  We live in the same house.

****

After.

Fred: Kin I see your no-more-school paper? 

Tanner: It's called a diploma, and we still have school to do.  Trade school or college, so we can get good paying jobs and spoil our little brother.  

Fred: But you know how to trade.  You traded me toast for an egg this morning.

Tanner: Trade means job in this case.  We're going to learn how to build and fix machines, like the Windigo.  My ugly brother wants to marry into the amusement park industry, ya know. 

Finnick: I'm still bummed over no prom.  

Tanner (scoffs): Prom.  Maybe you're my ugly sister. 

The extended family makes a conference call to celebrate with the twins.  

Morgan: Candy, you are looking buff.  We're gonna have to start working out together when you're in town.  

Candy: That would be great.  

Pike: Hey, we're supposed to be here for the boys, not a hen party. 

Morgan: Well, the boys aren't here yet.  Should we just sit here and stare at each other until they show up?  (To Candy)  Do you feel old yet?  With your babies graduating?

Candy: Nah, we started young.  I'll feel old when it's Fred up there. 

Pike: I felt old as hell watching them graduate.  I just wish they could've had the giant party they wanted.  It would've been nice to sit with my family, too, but I managed to nab a spot near them.  

Lee: It'll be a funny story to tell their grandkids someday.  Better than getting shipped off to war for your senior trip.  

McG: I'm calling on the land line to find out what's keeping them.  (The boys log in as she rises.) 

****

Whitney's been getting calls all day from unfamiliar numbers.  Distant relatives, mostly, but one in particular stands out.

William: I bet I'm the last person you want to see, but I had to call.  Valedictorian!  That's a big deal even without...  

Whitney (a note of warning in her tone): Without also being a working mom? 

William: I've never been happier to be proven wrong, Whitney.  I won't keep you long, I'm sure you're busy, but I wanted to tell you that.  

Whitney: Wow.  Thanks, Dad.

****

Zenobia sneaks into the break room even though she is still on the clock.

Tris (annoyed): Stop checking up on me.  I'm fine.

Zenobia: Your parents didn't show up for your graduation.  How can you be fine? 

Tris: The only parents I need were there.  Marcus and Esmeralda.  (takes Zenobia's hand)  Honestly, I swear, I'm good.  And I will let you know if I stupidly start missing those xenophobic Bible-thumping losers. 

Zenobia (not really convinced): Okay.  Did you get the text from Midna about when we reopen Sunburst?  

Tris: Yes.  Now get back to work and let me eat in peace. 

Easter in Lockdown

In the lull between Easter dinner and dessert (because who has room for dessert right away?) the residents of Windu Acres, Barbieville, chat.  They all pretend not to notice the dogs feasting on the little ones' mess.  

Rose-Grace: I'm torn between being mad at you for breaking your self-imposed exile and being glad you're here. 

Pike:  I showered before coming and washed my hands when I arrived.  Ryan and I have been wiping down the interior of The Tank at least once a day.  Ryan said his sister's gonna bring him dinner, but he's staying in.  He's really worried about his folks. 

Rose-Grace: You can take him some of our leftovers as well.  God knows we have an army here, but I made enough for two armies!  

Mace: You be glad he's here, Rosie, and I'll be mad at him.  I'm old.

Taylor: That's why you and the babies are way over here.  We're being super careful.

Stacie: Yeah, we're even gonna wipe down everything Dad may have touched before letting y'all leave the table.  I mean, the only rooms he's been in are the entry hall, the kichen, and the downstairs bathroom.

Mace (laughs): Oh, yeah, little girl?  You think you can stop me from getting up?  

Stacie: You aren't that dumb, Grandpa.

Rose-Grace: Our other usual guests will be calling us for an on-line conference call.

Finnick: Wait.  You heard from Mom? 

Rose-Grace: Oops, that part was supposed to be a surprise.  Her idea, I swear! 

*****

The Conference Call! 

Candy: Hey, guys.  Sorry to worry you so much, but there was a cluster- I mean, some trouble with me getting back into the country.   I'm quarantined, obviously, but I'm not sick or hurt or anything. 

Stacie: You look different. 

Fred: You look way prettier now, Mommy.

Candy: My green stripe is gone and I've been working out a lot.  I always meant to start, and this whole mess is as good an excuse as any.  By the time I come home, Fred won't be the only one of my babies I can lift!

Tanner: You gotta catch me first. 

Finnick: She'll be able to, dummy.  She's looking like one of them lady MMA fighters!

Morgan:  You look great, Candy.  I always thought you needed a little meat on your bones. 

Candy: You're sheltering in place at your folks' house?  And you haven't killed each other yet? 

Lee (laughs):  She gets outta line, we send her to her couch.  

Morgan: Mom's helping me with teaching on-line.  I was already making so many rookie mistakes before this virus hit!  Thank God she's a sub now and doesn't have a course load of her own! 

Talk then becomes the usual large-family chaos.  

HAPPY EASTER 

to all my Barbieville followers! 

Halloween Party

Since all the employed members of the family managed to have the same day off, the Pikes decided to throw a Halloween party.  Everyone had to pose for pictures as they arrived.

Pike: These magical staffs of ours are still useful if our spells don't work.

Mace: I'm not even a wizard.  I'm a cleverly disguised assassin.  Don't tell anyone.

Lee: Which one of us is the captain? 

McG: I hope you are, because I have trouble believing anyone could take me seriously in this skirt.  

Lee: You're seriously sexy in that skirt.

Finnick: Way to use your imagination, biker boy.

Tanner: What the hell are you supposed to be?  

Finnick:  I'm Tom Brady, duh.  

Nikki: Be vewwy vewwy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits. 

Taylor (laughs): The two of us together, we're a witch hunt!  

Candy and Stacie opted for a mother/daughter costume.  Fairies!

Rose-Grace: I'd like to collect my three wishes, oh genie of the lamp. 

Morgan: You need to rub my lamp first, greedy.

Rose-Grace: Is that a euphemism?

Fred: Yabba-Dabba-Doo! 

Samara: Doo! 

Orlando: Dab-doo!

Joe dropped off an entire carload. 

Claudia:  I can't believe your mom let you wear that. 

Gabriella: She knows nothing - She's at work tonight.  

Bobby: Two-headed monster!  We're gonna eat up that candy cane right there! 

Jenny: You can't catch me.

Vivica: We can once the picture gets took and we take off the costume.  Oh, wait, then we won't be a two headed monster no more. 

Dan (in a terrible Scots accent): There can be only one!  

Emma: You forgot your sword, dummy.  You can't be the highlander without your sword. 

Dan: Um... I'm Lee and McGee's transporter guy on his day off?

Ty: Frodo was gonna bring Wilma with me, but she's barfing all over the place.  Him and Whitney  are gonna pick me up after work.  Whitney said to give Tanner a kiss for her, but I'm not gonna.

Anakin: You guys should have been evil cultists with me.  It would have been awesome.

Kelly:  No way!  I'm a pock-lips survivor!

Roxy: I told you, I don't wanna be an evil nothing for Halloween!  Maybe if we were nice cultists...

Mariko: We appropriated each other's culture. 

Nakoma: The stereotype, anyway.  

The Hazy Days Of Summer

The heat wave has forced Pike and Mace to drag Lee, kicking and screaming, away from his home renovation project.  The three of them sit on the deck for a little male bonding.

Lee: Oh, for crying out loud.  I'm not trying to widow your mother.  In my day -- 

Mace: In your day, you weren't an old man.  Besides, the weathermen are even telling youngsters to take it easy in this heat.  Me, I wanna live to see Samara's children born, so all I did today was put the horses in the back paddock.  Lots of shade and access to the pond for them.

Pike: Nikki and Stacie got mad at him for not mucking out their stalls, but he promised to do that this evening when it cools off.  

Mace: I'm so glad some of my grand kids are showing an interest.  

Lee: Speaking of our grandchildren, why are Taylor and Nikki going to a Baptiste family reunion?  They're Pikes now.

Mace: Don't be like that, man.  Pike promised when he adopted Taylor and Nikki that he wasn't gonna cut them out of the girls' lives. 

Lee: Then why adopt them at all?  Why not simply be their stepfather? 

Pike: I adopted them as a means of streamlining the legal situation.  I hate to say it, but my insurance as a grocery manager is better than what they were getting as the children of a man killed in action.  There were other things, too, but the insurance was the main issue. 

*****

Across town, Midna and Pocahontas meet after work for a bite and some girl talk. 

Pocahontas: All these delays on the Windigo are driving me nuts!  I'm starting to understand why Mom was always opposed to adding new rides.  It's a royal pain. 

Midna: I know I was reluctant to upgrade the diner, but that fire turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  Even if it was a nightmare while it was in progress.  It'll be worth it, I promise.

Pocahontas: Enough about work.  I wanted to talk about John.

Midna: Be still, my heart.  Are you finally coming around?

Pocahontas: Sulu and I have been tutoring him for his GED and the other night, while John put his girls to bed, Sulu told me some things.  John's point of view.  It really got me to thinking.

Midna: There's no excuse for John stringing you along when he was with Albion.  Please don't tell me you've fallen for some stupid excuse like he was drunk.  I know I've been telling you to give him another chance, but not at that cost.

Pocahontas: No, he totally deserved the beating I gave him that day.  He cheated on her emotionally and on me physically.  But then he ended up forced into a marriage with that empty-headed bimbo.  I thnk that was punishment enough.

Pocahontas: You know if it happens, it's going to be fast.  It's not like we need to get to know one another.  We have to consider the kids... if we got together, the most logical home is his.  Since he's moving the day care and using the whole house now.

Midna: And you don't know if you want to live in her house.

Pocahontas: Exactly.

There's a brief lull in the conversation as they both think about the situation.

Pocahontas: Change of subject.  Who is Lottie Gordon and why is her moving back to town such a big deal?

Midna: Batgirl's sister.  The crybaby who left town three seconds after graduation?

Pocahontas: I don't remember her.  But Batgirl was a couple years ahead of us and I wasn't exactly a social butterfly.

Midna: Lottie's her older sister.  They were really poor and got bullied a lot, but Batgirl learned to rise above.  And by the way, she's (adopts a snooty tone for the name) Charlotte Jackson now.  Her old man - and I do mean old man - is comatose in the medical center and she's flaunting his money all over town.

Pocahontas: A gold digger, huh? I guess I should be glad I'm not a man.  Or gay.

*******

Just on the other side of Sunburst's parking lot, in the park.

Lynch:  You and me are gonna tangle, Mr. Higgins, if you continue to go to over my head.  You know perfectly well that I'm your liaison with the program.

Hank: You don't do anything but tell me I'm screwing up.

Lynch: You are screwing up.  For one thing, you're supposed to be keeping a low profile but half the town thinks you look familiar.  And you aren't allowed to relocate at the drop of a hat.

Hank: Look, it wasn't at the drop of a hat.  I made a mistake in coming ba...  I mean, in coming here.  There is nothing here for me.

Lynch: There's safety, you idiot, which is why the program exists.  

Unwanted Family Reunion

It isn't until Tuesday afternoon that Pike is able to call home and update everyone.  Tanner's burns were badly infected and he had to be re-admitted to the hospital.  

Pike: Waiting on test results now, but if this is what Doc thinks it is, we need to launder and sanitize everything Tanner had contact with.  It's insidious - Doc's word, not mine.

Tanner (weakly): Hi, Step-Mom.  I guess it's a good thing I've been hiding in my room.  Less for you to deal with, right?

Rose-Grace: It's a big job, but we've got it well in hand.  McG took the big stuff to the laundromat and I'm washing what we can here at home.  I'll add wiping down everything in the Boy Cave and upstairs bathroom with antiseptic to my list.

Pike: What are you not telling me?  

Rose-Grace: Apparently Tanner leaked onto the mattress.  My dad and yours put their heads together and claim they have a solution.  I'm just trusting them on it, honestly, because I have my hands full.  They might have to revise the plan if it's that bad.

In a distant city, Candy is surprised to see a familiar face in the airport lounge.

Candy: Well, hello, stranger.  Are you coming or going? 

Morgan: Going the same place you are, most likely.  Have you heard anything beyond "waiting for test results"? 

Candy: No, I haven't. I shouldn't be surprised to see you, you're so devoted to the kids. (Changes the subject) How can this happen?  The burns were minor, they said, but now...  

Morgan: It's the infection that's major.  Sit down here with me and we'll wait together.  We have to be on the same flight, right?  How many planes are headed that way?

Lee: We looked into what it would take to clean that mattress properly and it was ridiculous.  I offered your aunt's old bed to replace the bunks, and your stepmother accepted.  I know you boys aren't keen on sharing a bed, but Mace has a solution for that.

Mace: You aren't comfortable sharing a bed with another young man. But Fred has a few years before he is a young man.  

Finnick: Yeah, those bunks took up half the room and the mattresses were crazy expensive, too.  I don't know why Dad bought them from Joe in the first place.  I do have a question, though.  

Mace: What's that?

Finnick: Is this bed red enough?

Rose-Grace hurries to the hospital as soon as she could, trusting her brood to the care of the grandparents.  She has only been there a few minutes when Marcus comes in with the test results.

Pike:  How bad is it?  Will he be okay? 

Marcus: It's very bad, but since you got him here so quickly, he will be fine.  But he'll be lucky to be home by Easter.  I've got to keep him on those intravenous antibiotics and under constant observation.  

Rose-Grace (relieved): We'll work out something for school. 

Tanner: Make Finnick do all my work.  He's smarter than me, anyway.

Pike and Rose-Grace call together everyone for updates, but ask Tanner's clique to only send one person.  They nominate Whitney, since she's now his girlfriend. 

McG: It's a shame we had to meet under these circumstances.  Tanner's told me a lot about you.  He's quite smitten, you know.

Whitney (blushes): It's mutual.  

McG: Would I be correct in assuming the Wilma that Fred asked about is your daughter?

Whitney (nods): I left her at home with my mom and sister, though, because I didn't think she and Fred could behave for the serious talking we'll be doing.  They tend to get rowdy. 

A car coming up the driveway interrupts the chat.  Even though everyone knows it's a taxi bringing Candy, Finnick and Whitney look.  

Whitney: Who is that with her?  Is that Midna? 

Finnick: Holy crap.  Dad, Aunt Morgan is here! 

Fred (runs full-tilt out of the house):  AUNTIE!

Fred: Not you, Mommy!  Want Auntie! 

Morgan: Sorry, kiddo.  My first hug is reserved for my big brother. 

Fred: Did you finally comed to meet the babies?

Morgan (laughs): Yeah, that, too.

Morgan: I took an emergency leave as soon as Mom called me.  How is he? 

Pike: Find a seat somewhere. I want to tell everyone at once.  That gal by Mom is Whitney, by the way.  Tanner's girlfriend. 

Morgan: We met at your wedding.  And I do keep up-to-date, you know. 

After the family hashes everything out, the grandfathers herd everyone to bed while Pike drives Whitney home.  The women take advantage of the chance for a "hen party". 

Rose-Grace: You know I love Lee, but he seems inconsistent with his attitude about our careers.  He supports mine, Morgan's, and McG's.  But gives Candy so much grief?

Morgan: I don't have children. Mom never put her career before me and Chris.  Your family is your first priority. He thinks Candy...  well, deserted the boys and Stacie. 

McG: Morgan and I know there's more to it than that.  Candy was fine as a military wife, the frequent moves satisfied her wanderlust, but then Pike left the service.  She felt trapped in a permanent place.

Candy: I love my kids, I love your kids, but... 

McG: I suspect it has to do with spending your childhood in foster care.  Stability feels abnormal. 

Candy: I just focus on the fact that the rest of the family accepts me.  My children are happy and healthy and that's what matters, right?  

They all think of Tanner in the hospital. Each, in her own way, sends up a prayer.