Another Sulu

 The Sulu family is at the airport.

Bobby: Is that our new Sissy's plane?  Is she here now? 

Sulu: I think it is.  Now, remember, be on your best behavior.  We don't want her jumping back on the plane and running away! 

Vivica (giggles): I'll tackle her!  We been playing football at recess!  

Mattie:  Mr. and Mrs. Sulu?  I'm Matilda.

Lynch: No need for the formality.  If you aren't comfortable with Mom and Dad, I'm Lynch and he's Sulu.  These little monsters crowding around our knees are Bobby and Vivica, your new siblings. (To the little ones) Back off and give her some space. 

Bobby: Daddy said you was bringing a guitar.  Where's it at? Can you play it good? 

Mattie (to Bobby): I've just started lessons and it'll be waiting for us at Baggage Claim.  (To Sulu and Lynch.)  I hope there's someone who can give me lessons here?  

Lynch: We've been asking around, but no luck so far.  This all happened so fast!  

Vivica: How come you got such a teeny suitcase?

Bobby: I dint know we was adopting a growed-up lady. 

Mattie (laughs): I've got a few years before I'm an adult. I'm just tall. And the teeny suitcase holds my book.  I'm really fussy about taking care of my books.  (Looks up as Sulu and Lynch return from conferring with the flight crew.)  All set? 

Lynch: All set.  Just had to prove we really are the people that are supposed to be picking you up. 

****

On the way home, they stop at Sunburst for dinner. 

Mariko: Your food will be up shortly. 

Lynch: Mariko, this is Matilda.  (The girls exchange the usual pleasantries) We contacted an agency about adopting an older child and almost instantly, they hooked us up with Matilda.  

Mariko: No offense, but you guys are nuts.  These three aren't aging you quickly enough? 

Mattie: I'm pretty sure that's why they adopted me. 

Sulu: Hey, now!  That may have been part of why we requested --- 

Mattie (laughs): I'm not complaining! It's all very Anne of Green Gables.  

Mariko: When you start school, I'll meet you at the office and show you around.  Unless Lynch already roped Taylor into doing that? 

Lynch: Taylor's in the same grade.  But thanks for offering. 

John: Just what we need. Another Sulu. 

Sulu: How'd you manage to sneak up on me? 

John: Restroom.  (To Mattie) Nice to meet ya, kid.  I'm your uncle John. 

Sulu: Don't confuse her, she just got here. 

John (pretends to be hurt): You didn't tell her about me? Your best bud since kindergarten?  

Sulu: Don't make me kick your ass.  

Lunch at Sunburst

 Note: COVID masks in Barbieville are invisible to readers. Charlotte's children live on the Facebook Page "Our Toy Story", album "Nearly Famous".

Batgirl: It's nice to have some time away from the kids.  I love them, but... 

Joe: I'm glad to be away from your sister. The kids we signed on for! 

Batgirl: I was including her as one of the kids. I really don't understand how she can be so immature. 

Joe: Takes after your folks? 

Charlotte: There you are! Why aren't you answering your phone? 

Batgirl (annoyed): I'm trying to enjoy a quiet lunch with my husband. Free of drama. 

Charlotte: They've brought Chris in on the case! First Uncle Grizzly Adams and now Chris! 

Batgirl: What did your lawyer say?

Charlotte: Same thing as always. Let the boys have my kids, just lock up the money. But I won't do it! They are mine and belong with me! Would you let your children go live with Joe's people?

Joe (jumps to his feet): There is no Joe's People.  My people became hers, and - God help me - hers became mine. That's what marriage is! And yes, if it was best for the kid, we'd let them live with relatives who loved them.

Batgirl: Joe...

Joe:  No, sweetheart, this needs to be said. (to Charlotte) If they've hated you from the start, it's your own fault. Billy considered Chris his son from the moment he married you, he even adopted the boy, and you never gave them a reason to like you.  Why would you? They didn't have the bankbook!

Charlotte stares at Joe for a moment, stunned, and looks at Batgirl. Batgirl has her face buried in her hands, either crying or laughing. Charlotte storms out.

Finnick: Oh, it's just Gabriella's aunt. Should have known. 

Tanner: Come on, man, I'm trying to talk to you about something important. 

Frodo: As if he could hear you. 

Tanner: Well, she's gone now. Can we get back to this?

Finnick: You're way off base. I'm not planning my future around "a girl". She just happens to love Witch's Cove as much as I do, and we'll have that in common even if we do break up. 

Tanner: So you're with the girl for the place? That's even more messed up. (laughs) Okay, then, good for you. Seriously. But I'm not happy with the plan. I think I'm gonna work with Grandpa Mace. He's got those three colts and talking about coming out of retirement.

Finnick: That's cool, man. I know we've done everything together, but we're grown men now. 

Frodo: Twins doing everything together crosses into the creepy zone once you hit puberty, anyway. (to Whitney as she walks up) How's that army of new cooks that replaced me doing?

Whitney: The Rhees replaced Pern and Tris, too. They're servers now.  You just abandoned us. 

Mariko: They're fine. And I do mean fine. 

Frodo: Girl, you are jail bait.  

Whitney: I've got your usual orders in already.  Should I go back and cancel Nakoma's? 

Finnick: No, we'll take it to go.  She talked Pocahontas into replacing that Jeep. And getting a car of her own. She's so tired of sharing the park's golf cart with Albus, and now that she's working and going to college... 

Tanner: Not to mention they've added four members to the family. Five if you count Pern. 

Whitney heads back to get their drinks.

Sulu: Can I get a refill? Little Miss has a bottomless stomach.

Lynch: As if. Diana would explode if she drank all that. 

Whitney: Diana? You did decide to change her name? 

Sulu: Sort of. We're calling her by her middle name. 

Lynch: Couldn't bring myself to take away the honorific to my grandmother. At least this way, my daughter won't be branded a racist the second she introduces herself.  

Lynch gets a call on her radio. 

Lynch: Go ahead, dispatch.  (listens) Possible homicide? I'm on the way! 

Tris's Bridal Shower

 Note:  Masks in Barbieville are invisible to readers.  

Also some "dirty talk".  Consider yourselves warned.  

Sunburst is closed on Wednesday, but Midna insisted on it being the venue for Tris's bridal shower. 

Tris: I know I insisted on an old-fashioned bridal shower instead of a Bachelorette Party, but now that we're all here, I do have a question for y'all.  Those of you with experience in the area, anyway.  How do I make sure we have a good sex life?  Neither one of us has any clue what we're doing.

 

Zenobia (pretending anger): Oh, I see how you are!  Gotta be a G-rated with the games and decor, but you wanna talk dirty! 

Pern (laughing): I think she's secretly a pervert.

Tris: Seriously.  It's a big deal.  I've been trying to read up on the subject, but... 

Pern: Oh, it's not something you can learn from a book.  I mean, you can learn the biology, but not the stuff you're worried about.  That's personal stuff.

Tris: I've tried to talk to Zenobia about this, but all she ever tells me is to jump his bones.  Esmeralda just keeps saying it'll be fine, but I feel weird pressing his mother for details.  

Zenobia: But here you are, with her sitting right over there. 

Pern: Well, your first time is not gonna be like in the movies.  It's going to be awkward and not real satisfying.  I've never met anyone who had a first time like in the movies.

Tris: Esmeralda did tell us we'll get better with practice. 

Mariko: Communication is the important thing.  (at the others' reaction)  What?  You don't have to be a married mom to know stuff.

Esmeralda: I don't think you've even had a sweetheart in all the time I've known you. 

Whitney: She hasn't.  

Mariko: Sex is just another part of a relationship, and communication is important in any relationship.  You can't expect people to know what you like unless you tell them.  

Violet:  She's right.  (to Mariko)  No offense, but you are the last person I expected that kind of insight from.  

Esmeralda: One thing I always hated is that whole thing, expecting your man to know why you're upset.  This really is just an different version of the idea. (To Mariko)  How did you know that when women my age still haven't figured it out?

Mariko: Osmosis.  My parents are both relationship counselors. Well, psychologists, technically.

Violet (to Tris): Mariko nailed it.  I have nothing to add. 

Esmeralda: Yeah, I don't think anyone can top that.

Zenobia: Now can we do some of these lame party games?  I sweated for hours over a hot printer for these, ya know! 

    

Midna:  Yes, please.  I might have something to contribute in that conversation. 

Zenobia:  The boss has spoken.  (starts to gather materials)  Wait, what?

COVID-19 Fallout

Nova finds her stepchildren in the summer kitchen.

Nova: I just got off the phone with Witch's Cove.  Instead of refunding our payment for The Overlook, we decided to postpone the reception.  We'll have it as soon as this lockdown ends.

Lottie: Why's your grandma being such a meanie?  

Nova: Well, I'm going to have to kick Mariko's butt for telling you about that, but Obachan believes Japanese ladies should only marry Japanese men.   It's a very old-fashioned...  

Lottie: It's racist!   My teacher said only white people can be racist! 

Alex: I'll explain the difference later, when Nova's not trying to draft us into helping with the reception plans.  (In a Butt-head voice) Settle down, Beavis.

Lottie giggles.  

While they are working, Mariko emerges from her post-work shower.  

Mariko:  Well, today was a doozy.  Someone refused to tip Tris because she's a lesbian and Whitney heard that her friend Esperanza has the virus. 

Alex (laughing): Tris is a lesbian?  Someone better tell Four! 

Mariko: She gets that sometimes because of her hair.  

Lottie: Who's Esperanza?  Do we know her? 

Mariko: Whitney's mom's boyfriend is Esperanza's uncle.  We've never met her.    

*****

WDLC multimedia, operating out of downtown Barbieville, has sponsored a series of banners posted around town.  "In The Shadow Of Corona" features seniors who won't be having a graduation ceremony this year.

Kenneth Carson

Whitney Darling

Edward Dean Jr "Frodo"

Tobias Eaton "Four"

Peeta Mellark

Nakoma Nedakh

Tanner Pike

Finnick Pike

Beatrice Prior "Tris" 

Midna Takes One For The Team

Violet: As your business manager, I have to object to your advertising a competitor's business, but as a citizen of Barbieville, I understand.  Strange times we're living in. 

Midna: I figure the Changs need the little bit of profit still coming in more than I do.  I'm more upset about doing this to my employees than I am about any hit my pocketbook's gonna take.  

Violet:  Are the Changs doing all right?  Aside from the money, there's so many people blaming this on Asians and Chinese in particular.  

Midna: Well, I guess any racists in Barbieville get to cook for themselves or starve. I vote for starve.

Violet (laughs): You're an evil woman, Midna Sunburst. 

After finally getting into and registering at the Unemployment website, Pern browses free on-line courses.  Knowledge has become Pern's new drug of choice, a vast improvement over her last one!

Nova: Mariko?  Why are you here? 

Mariko: Sunburst is closed for the duration.  I was almost to work when Midna called, so I just turned around and followed Jeremiah home.

Nova: We'll muddle through somehow.  We always do.

Jeremiah: Alex, one of us needs to use your computer while the other uses the family room one.  We hear it's a nightmare to get into Unemployment's website.  You got anything on it you don't want us seeing?

Alex: Not that I can think of.  Why not have Mariko use mine, just in case? 

Jeremiah: Good plan.  She's not your dad.

Nova: Hurry back.  We're doing cornrows.  Lottie's upstairs admiring hers.   We'll do yours, too.  

Frodo: I guess your mom told you we're out of work for a while? 

Four: Yeah.  I was just getting ready to whip Finnick on COD.  You in? 

Frodo: Sure.  Let me pry my little brother off of Youtube.  

Zenobia: Welcome to Openly Biased.  My roomie and I are both out of work due to COVID-19, so my content will be a little different for a while.  We'll talk about current events, of course, but my only guest will probably be Miss Tris here, and we'll share what we're up to! 

Tris: Tomorrow's topic will be "alternatives to pitching your device out the window while trying to apply for Unemployment".

Whitney (sobbing):  What am I gonna do, Mom?  

Kyra:  Honey, it's not that bad.  You aren't paying rent or anything. 

Whitney: Dad just moved into town and this was my chance to show him.  I'm carrying good grades, working a job, and taking care of Wilma.  Everything he's been saying about me is wrong. Now I'm unemployed and not going to school. 

Kyra: You were laid off because of something you have no power over.  You are still doing your schoolwork.  And you don't have anything to prove to Meanie Grandpa, Whitney.  He wrote you off and that's his loss. 

Whitney (still crying, but not as hard): It still hurts so bad, though. 

Kyra: I know, sweetheart, I know.  He wrote me off, too. 

Best Laid Plans

Barbieville High School, 8 am

Cho:  Two new guys on the same day?  Do you suppose they're brothers? 

Belle: I know they aren't.  The brunette is my stepbrother Iggy.  He's moved in with Mom and James, too, but I'm not sure why.  I know his mom wasn't deployed!  

Belle: Who's your friend, Iggy?  

Iggy: This is Rupert.  We met on the plane.  

Rupert: Yeah, it was weird to be seated next to a guy heading to the same little town!  

Cho: Oh, you're a Weasley!  I see the resemblance to Ron now!  (laughs at the surprise on all three faces.)  Everyone in Barbieville knows everyone.   You'll get used to it.

********

Barbieville High School, 10 am 

Whitney: I know Mariko has to work after school.  What are you doing, Nakoma?

Nakoma: Fittings for the wedding.  You can tag along if you want. 

Whitney: If you're sure it's okay.  I'll have Wilma.

Mariko: You always have Wilma.  It's like you gave birth to her or something.  (they all laugh) I'm glad Nova and Jeremiah aren't going all fancy.  We'll just be in old prom dresses. 

Nakoma: Pocahontas isn't going near as fancy as she could.  She's decided the wedding colors are shades of blue and "precious metals" rather than spend a bit extra.    

Whitney: She's smart.  Saving money, time, and stress.

Nakoma: Weddings are supposed to be expensive and stressful! 

****

Mayor's office, 1 pm

Rose-Grace: I know you're trying to finish up your work for the day, but you need to see this. 

Kyra: What is it?  Oh, the people who got into the empty downtown buildings.  (Murmurs as she reads over the list of names, then stops in horror.)  That can't be right.  He can't be... 

Rose-Grace: I double checked everything.  Unless there's another guy of the same name and the same background, it's him.  

****

The Malfoy Residence, 7pm 

Paris: I don't see any harm in letting him drop the class.  If he isn't comfortable, why make him?

Helena: You never see the harm in giving him what he wants, and life is full of uncomfortable situations.  After his brush with the law, I am done looking the other way while you spoil him.  He is not in charge! 

Paris: When he inherits everything, he will be. 

Helena: Everything?  That's ridiculous.  You have a wife and three other children!

Paris: Not everything, of course.  You and the girls will be provided for.  But the bulk of my estate will go to my male offspring.  That's Draco, since you have failed provide me with more. 

Helena: Look, we agreed that the child-rearing was to be my domain.  

Paris: You are the mother. 

Helena: Draco will remain in that class, and he will do any charity work I decide to volunteer him for, and he will learn to at least pretend to have some respect for his fellow human beings.   

Evening at Windu Acres

Mace comes in from the barn for supper.  While he greets the dogs, he notices an unexpected guest.

Mace: Hey, Joe!  What are you doing here?  

Rose-Grace: Grab a seat, Dad.  I need to talk to you before I give Joe his orders.

Rose-Grace: We've decided to divide the basement into small rooms.  

Mace: Well, it's your house now, so go for it. You don't need my permission.

Joe: We've planned a nursery for those monsters on your lap and a small studio for the boys' band.  

Rose-Grace: Fred will be in the nursery, too.  He overhears way too much sharing a room with teenagers.  (to Mace) We want to you to take one of the rooms.  You've practically moved back in since Mom died, anyway.  But if you do, you need to get with Joe on details.

Mace: If you're keeping the cellar door, I can take that room.  Make it easier to slip out in the wee hours to care for the horses. But other than that, I trust Joe on the details.  Gonna soundproof the studio? 

Rose-Grace (laughs): Mostly, anyway.  Even if Sarcastic Fringehead ceases to exist, we've got six more possible musicians in the house.  Could be doomed to twenty years of garage bands. 

*****

Upstairs, Finnick and Tanner are hanging out with most of their friends.  

Frodo: Didn't you tell your folks that you pretty much gave up on making a career of the band?

Tanner: We did.  But Dad refers to it now as a serious hobby.  And we do make a little money at it.

Frodo: Well, you can make money with a serious hobby.  I'm jealous.  Can't even talk my folks into moving Ty outta my room and into the attic.  Hell, I even offered to take the attic! 

Whitney: I've seen your attic.  I don't blame them.

Mariko: Speaking of moving kids in and out of rooms, Nova's offering unlimited soft drinks and pizza to anyone that helps clear out two of the rooms in our upstairs.  She's finally marrying Jeremiah and we need those rooms for Alex and Lottie. 

Nakoma: I'm in.  I might have Roxy and Kelly with me, though.  Pocahontas is hauling the guys to the bridal shop for their suits.  

Mariko: We can always find smaller jobs for smaller helpers.  Anyway, I just stopped in for a few after work.  Whitney, need a ride the rest of the way home or you gonna get one of the guys to drive you? 

Nakoma (checks the time): Holy Smoke!  I better go, too! 

Whitney decides to go with them, leaving the guys to do whatever it is guys do.  

Frodo: What's the story with Mariko's house, anyway?  

Finnick: It was probably built for one of them old school farm families with ten or twelve kids, so there's a million bedrooms.  StepMom said the old man who lived there died and whoever inherited it auctioned it off with everything in it.  Mariko's folks were the highest bidders. 

Tanner: How do you go from that big a family to an old man living alone?  None of those ten or twelve kids wanted the place? 

Frodo: Happened to my great grandparents.  Grandpa was the youngest of thirteen, got the place by default, and Dad was his only kid.  When he died, there was a lot of debate, but they decided to move here and keep the place. 

Tanner: Your great-grandparents had thirteen kids in that house?  Where did they put them?

Frodo (laughs):  I have no idea!  

Summer Is Coming

No lazy Saturday for the teens of Barbieville.  Exams are next week, then summer begins in earnest.  Study groups invade seperate rooms of the Pike home.  Or just play groups, for the younger set.

Fred: Did you know you don't get booby milk unless you grow a baby in your belly?  Bobby's mommy told me that's why she can't feed Dixie except with a bottle. 

Wilma: How come boys even gots boobies, then?  

Fred: Tanner says when we grow in the belly, we can be a boy or a girl depending on what chrome-zones and horde-moans we get.  We all automatically get boobies just in case we're girls. 

Finnick:  (To Nakoma) Tanner, the font of all knowledge. 

Nakoma: I wish.  I'd ask him who the guy stalking Pocahontas is. Creeps me out.  

Mariko: He's just sending flowers.  Besides, if it came to violence, my money's on her.  She did beat the crap out of John in high school when he got Albion Kelly pregnant.

Tanner: I've seen her physically remove some bruisers from the park, too.  She's a tough gal. 

Whitney: I like to gossip as much as the next girl, but we're supposed to be studying.  I'm really worried about the monologue for English.  How am I supposed to get into the head of a Victorian character? A man, even? 

Anakin: Mommy said she's out of rehab now, but she's got to find and keep a job for a long time before she can even think about.... Stacie, are you listening to me? 

Stacie: Sorry.  These guys are just so cute.

Anakin: I can't believe your folks let Orlando play with dolls.  Mommy always said... 

Stacie: Anakin, we're besties, right?  I can be totally honest with you?

Anakin: Sure.

Stacie: Your mother is an idiot.  

Nikki: I like Moana and everything, but I'm glad she didn't come with you.  I missed having it just be us two hanging out.

Taylor (to Gabriella): Are we not here?

Claudia: She's probably off somewhere trying to figure out which of Jason's brothers is her father.  DNA test said, plain as day, a second-degree relationship.  I don't think Jason's very smart. 

Gabriella: She's with Courtney.  Mom took them to the beach.  

Taylor:  Yeah, Moana practically lives at the Montez house now.  She likes you two, but she and Courtney...  thick as thieves. And we aren't hanging out, we're trying not to flunk.  We'll have all summer to hang out. 

At City Hall.  

Rose-Grace:  What are you doing here on a Saturday? 

Kyra: I'd ask you the same, but I bet I know.  Hiding from a house full of kids?

Rose-Grace: I've got some stuff with the zoning board to straighten out by Monday.  I want to give them a final decision first thing in the morning and get it over with.  (laughs) Also, a house full of kids that aren't mine.  

Kyra: I wanted to ask you about borrowing The Tank at some point over the summer.  Brent wants us to meet his sister and we thought we'd make a vacation of it, but cost is an issue.  Filling up an RV and renting a campsite is a lot cheaper than plane tickets and a pair of hotel rooms. 

Rose-Grace:  Sister?  Not the parents? 

Kyra: Brent hopes we never meet his parents.  They're the worst sort of people you could imagine.  

At Witch's Cove.

Pocahontas: I'm going to say this once, Ryan.  You are getting this chance as a favor to your parents and sisters.  I hope they're right when they tell me you've turned over a new leaf.  

Ryan: Yes, ma'am.  Well, I'm trying.  

Sylvia: My ex filled his head with so much crap from the time he was little... 

Pocahontas: Your obnoxious ex aside, Ryan's not a child anymore and it's time he acted like it. 

Pocahontas:  You'll work the ticket booth this summer.  Your sisters will work the first few days here with you, for training, and then you'll be assigned with others.

Phoebe: And we'll smack you upside the head if you get outta line.  (To Pocahontas) Once we get home, that is.  I know whacking your co-workers is frowned upon.