Santa Visits Barbieville!

Courtesy of the museum, Santa photos are free for children under the age of twelve.  He arrived this morning after the parade.

Boudica: Seriously, Mom, can't you get an older lady to play Mrs. Claus?  

Helena: Some children are frightened of Santa and the opposite of old and male....

Guinness and Boudica:  Is young and female.

Helena: Besides, you aren't his wife.  You're one of his elves. 

The Sulu children are first in line.

Vivica: Santa, this is our new baby.  Her name is Dixie.

Santa: And what would Dixie like me to bring her?

Vivica: She likes juice.  Can you bring her juice?

Santa: Of course.  What would you and Bobby like this year?

Bobby: A Switch and PlayStation and Xbox and lots of games and... 

Vivica: Hey! Mommy said no being a greedy butt! (to Santa) But yeah, we've tried to be good so you would bring us a video game system.  

Ty Dean is next.

Ty: My big brother says all of your reindeer are girls.  He says boy reindeers lose their antlers in the winter.  But Rudolph is a boy name, right? 

Santa: Well, now.  Frodo seems to be under the impression they're normal reindeer.  He's mistaken, of course, since normal reindeer cannot fly.  You may tell him that some of my deer are girls and some of them are boys.  

Ty: YES!  Thank you, Santa!  (Runs off without asking for anything.)

Jenny Montez pauses to show Santa her candy-cane dress before the picture is taken.

Jenny: You picked a good helper this year, Santa.  Boudica helps Doctor Marcus take care of my Uncle Billy.  

Santa (exchanging a glance with Boudica): It was very nice of her to help.  My wife and elves are all very busy, you know.  

Jenny: And last year her big sissy helped you, but that silly Zenobia pretended to be an elf.  Why'd she do that for? 

Santa: Today Boudica is an elf.  My helpers always are.

Jenny: What I would like for Christmas is a big-girl bicycle.  Wif training wheels, so Daddy can take them off when I get even bigger.  I have been very good and don't even sass Auntie Charlotte.

Guinness is surprised to see Anakin.  

Kelly: Oh, Santa, look!  This is Anakin and he's gonna be our uncle soon!  His mommy didn't let you come to her house, but now he lives with us and you can bring him goodies, too! 

Santa: Yes, of course I'll bring Anakin goodies.  What would you like, young man? 

Anakin: Nothing for me, sir.  I'm very happy with what I have. 

Kelly: Ask him to help your mommy not get sick no more!  (To Santa) Sometimes Pern takes medicine wrong.  But we don't want her to get dead. 

Roxy: Kelly!  What did Pocahontas tell us about don't tell secrets that can make people cry?

Anakin: That's not what she meant, Roxy.  (winks at "Santa") My mommy's problem isn't a secret, anyway. 

Kelly: Fine then.  You can ask for a car with muscles. 

Anakin: I'm too young for a car, goofball.  (To Santa) We will write to you at the North Pole with our wish lists. C'mon, girls, other kids are waiting!

The three youngest Pike children clamor onto Santa's lap.  Well, two of them - Orlando needs Boudica to soothe him a bit.  

Fred: My big brothers said to ask you for a really big toy box because my toys are taking over our room.  But me and the babies really bad want you to make a baby grow in Silvie's belly.

Santa (shocked): Silvie?  Sylvia Guinness?

Fred (giggling): No, silly.  Silver Stream.  Grandpa Mace's girl horse.

Santa (relieved): I'll see what I can do. 

Santa: Stacie, you didn't want to be in the picture? 

Stacie (leans close and whispers): I know that's you, Mr. Guinness, working for the real Santa.  Don't worry, I won't tell the littles.  Grandpa Mace will handle the horse baby thing.

Guinness: Good to know.  And thank you, Miss Pike.

Anakin: Come on, Stacie, hurry. Our grown-ups are waiting in the lobby.  We're going to the Oriental Buffet!  

Stacie: I love that place!  Sushi is so good! 

Anakin: Yuck.  Raw fish.  What did you say to him, anyway? 

Stacie: Just letting him know his secret's safe with me.  Besides, we know he's gonna report back to the real Santa.

Anakin: Uh, yeah.  No need to upset anyone, right? 

Moving On... Or Just Moving?

Sulu takes a break from running errands with Dixie.  He's pleasantly surprised to run into John and Pocahontas.

Sulu: You left your office on a weekday?  Are you feeling all right?

Pocahontas: Always such a smart aleck.  I took the day off to help John get his new day care center ready, and to discuss some things without the kids around.  Nakoma and Anakin are already planning our wedding. 

John: We're talking wedding, too, but in practical terms.  Like where to live - neither one of us wants her in the house that I shared with Albion and her place is too small for us and four kids.

Sulu (chuckles): Her place is too small for her and the two she lives with.  

Pocahontas (to Dixie): You and your daddy can join us if you want.  Your cute little face makes up for his big ugly one. 

John: Yeah, my best friend isn't as bad as the kids are.  

Pocahontas: I'm getting some more food.  You three can talk about me behind my back.

Sulu: A book on premarital counseling?  You never fail to amaze me, Pocahontas.

John: Actually, it's turned out to be a good idea.  I thought she was nuts, but we've found a couple areas we need to work on.

Sulu (scoffs): Like what? 

Pocahontas: Finances and child-rearing.  It's not like either of us had any real experience back in the day, you know.  Our paths divided and we've been through vastly different terrain since. Did you know he bribes his daughters to behave?  Bribes them!

Sulu (shrugs): Society bribes us to behave.  

******

At the Barbieville City Hall Complex.

Kyra: Ready for lunch?  I'm about ready to eat that plant on my desk.

Rose-Grace: I think it's toxic.  (puts away her current project) I can finish up with this when we get back.  Nothing urgent in the stack and I'm ready for some gossip over coffee. 

Kyra: I've got some for you, too, about Lottie Gordon.

Rose-Grace: Charlotte Jackson, you mean.  And I have some of the same for you.  Gabriella got hold of her cousin and WOW.  That is one dysfunctional -- 

They're interrupted by Albus bursting into the room.

Albus (angry):  Did you know anything about this?  I thought you were my friend, Rose-Grace! 

Rose-Grace: I'll let that slide since you're clearly upset.  What's going on?

Kyra (to herself): So much for that gossip. 

Albus: That Jackson woman bought my home!  I'm being evicted! 

Rose-Grace: She bought the campground?  Why would Miss Snooty Pants want that campground? 

Kyra (reluctantly): I have a demolition permit pending.  According to it, the campground is an eyesore and a health hazard.  In that order. 

Rose-Grace: If it's still pending, why is she already evicting Albus? 

Albus (reading from the notice): Permanent residence in an area zoned for temporary stays is in violation of the law.  If lot 420 isn't vacated within thirty days, your vehicle will be towed and your belongings removed.  

Rose-Grace (taking the eviction notice from Albus): Kyra, I'm afraid I have to postpone lunch.  

Albus: Lunch?  No, no, don't go hungry on my account.  

The Ornamental Buffet

A Taste Of The Orient, or (as Fred calls it) the ornamental buffet, is having a busy evening.

  

Tanner: You know when you come to an Asian buffet, you're supposed to eat the Asian food? 

Fred: No raw fishies for me.  Stacie gots sketti, go pick on her. 

Candy: It's so nice to have a dinner with all of you.  I'm sorry I wasn't in town on Mother's Day.

Taylor:  It would have been really hard to spoil both you and Mom on the same day.  

Stacie: If Rose-Grace is our stepmother, what's that make you to Taylor and Nikki?  

Candy: I don't think that relationship has a name.  Used to be, the only way to get a stepmother was to have a dead biological mother.  

Fred: Hi guys!  How come you're here? 

Bobby: We're celebrating our new sister.  Come see. (To Candy)  Can he come see?  We're sitting right over there.  Our mommy is a cop, so you know we won't steal him.

Candy: I know your parents.  Go on, Fred, and be good.

Lynch: Her name is Dixie.

Fred: Do you feed her with your boobies?

Lynch (laughs): I can't.  I didn't grow her in my belly and that's how you get breast milk.

Fred: She sure looks like you grew her in your belly. So does Vivica. 

Lynch:  We told the adoption people that we preferred another Eurasian mix like Vivica.  

Bobby: It was my idea. She won't get picked on like me.

Fred: Bobby, don't pay no attention to the picker-onners.  Your daddy still loves you even if your faces don't match. 

Vivica: Did you see our dresses match?  

Sulu: Better than my face and Bobby's, anyway.  (He and Bobby high-five.) 

Brent: Wine?

Kyra: Not yet.  You said we need to talk.  I find it's best to be sober for that kind of thing.

Brent: Well, we've been seeing each other for some time and I think it's going very well.  I just want to make sure we're on the same page before we go any further.  Do you see a future for us?  As in possible marriage and children?  Perhaps my adoption of your daughters, since William seems to have little paternal love for them? 

Kyra: You really have got no game at all, don't you?  No sweet talk, just right to the point.

Brent: I'm sorry.

Kyra:  Don't be.  William was all about the sweet talk.  I like your way better.  (Considers for a moment.) A future is a definite possibility, including but not limited to marriage.  We should give Wendy a bit more time to adapt before making any serious plans.  She's just reached the point of calling you Brent instead of Mr. Spiner.

Brent: Of course.  

Kyra: I thought you were going to break it off.  (Laughs)  And you pretty much just proposed. 

Brent: Nothing so formal as that.  I just didn't want to assume we had the same goals. 

Kyra: You're so strange.  Pour the wine, sir, and we can drink to the possible future.