Sex, Drugs, and... Remodeling

At Barbieville Middle School, the day begins. 

Alex: I appreciate all the advice, but I really don't think it will be rough adjusting.  For one thing, I'm going to have my own room to hide in if it gets crazy.  

Hermione: It was all the boys in the house I had to get used to.  

Samantha: Having a stepsister is a godsend for me.  Raven has helped me so much since Charmaine did what she did.  (laughs) And now they've moved out of town, so I don't even have to look at her! 

Alex: Still gotta look at the piece of crap she did it for, though. 

Samantha: He's not to blame for her actions.  (Waves dismissively in Draco's direction.)  I heard your dad's team finally got a chance to investigate Witch's Cove?  

Alex: Yeah, and it was Pocahontas's idea!  I think he's more excited about that than the wedding!

Gabriella: ...then Charlotte told Courtney nobody cares and Mom said "Keep your mouth off my children."  

Taylor: No wonder y'all come to my house so much.  Beside helping your dad with the remodel, you can get away from that hag.  

Gabriella: Have you heard anything from Candy?

Taylor: No, and it's been over a week.  We're starting to really get worried.

Draco: You know, a decent school doesn't teach this stuff to boys and girls in the same room. 

Nancy: You and I have very different ideas of what a decent school does.  (Draco rolls his eyes.) If you have parental consent, you can turn in your book and take a study hall.  Do you have parental consent? 

Draco: You know I don't. 

Nancy: I suggest you discuss your discomfort with your parents.  In the meantime, please keep your complaints to yourself.  

*******

Pern is walking home from work when Pocahontas calls her over to a table in the park. 

Pern: I knew this was going to happen.  That you'd make me say it. 

Pocahontas: Pern, I'm not going to do this without your okay.  You've surprised me, to be frank, with your drive to stay off the drugs.  I really don't want to hurt you. 

Pern: It's just so hard to admit I failed that badly as a mom.  

Pocahontas: I'm sure it hurts.  I'm sorry.  

Pern (crying softly): But it'd be a bigger failure to stand in the way of what's best for him.  

Pocahontas:  You'll still be in his life.  Hell, if John's the mom and I'm the dad, you can be the doting aunt.  We've all come to love you, Pern.  Warts and all. 

********

At Windu Acres, Joe's short break is interrupted.

Mace: Did you have to make mine the ugliest room in the house? 

Joe: Hey, you left it up to Rose-Grace.  She told me to use repurposed materials from my warehouse.  Not my fault they ended up being contrasting patterns.  

Mace: I'm just messing with you.  It's actually kinda bohemian.  Makes me wanna invite Albus over and smoke some weed. 

Joe: I donated a few horse prints.  I'm a city boy, barely know one end of a horse from the other.

Mace: Thanks.  Hey, what say we go to Sunburst for lunch?  My treat. I can teach you which end is which. 

Aftermath and Beginnings

Rose-Grace comes home early to find Pike and the three youngest in her bedroom.

Rose-Grace: What is that?  And why are the kids half-naked?

Freddy:  We played in the mud and Daddy had to bath us.  Then the mailman brought me a dino!

Pike: The mailman brought you a dino poster and the little twins some wall art.  Auntie said you had to share, remember?

Freddy: Auntie is a dino scientist, Step-Mommy.  Did you know that?

Rose-Grace (chuckles):  Yes, and apparently she isn't going to rest until one or more of Pike's children follow in her footsteps.  

Freddy: You look like you're getting one of your headaches.  Are you all stressed out?

Rose-Grace: Very stressed out.  (To Pike)  They determined the fire was arson.  Neither Midna or Violet can settle with the insurance company.

Pike: Say no more.  We'll clear out and let you take a nap.

Rose-Grace (already crawling into bed, fully dressed):  Thank you, honey.  

Tanner:  Oh, man, that sucks.  I remember all the hassle after our fire, and that was proven to be totally not arson.  I wonder who did it.

Samara:  Fick!

Finnick: Hush, Samara, you aren't supposed to tell anyone.  (laughs)  Take her, somebody.  I'm gonna help Fred with his poster.

Fred:  Are you mad Auntie didn't send you a dino something?

Finnick: Well, she kind of did, since we all share this room.  

*****

At the elementary school, a few days later.   

Stacie:  Roxy, this is Dan and Emma.  They just moved into my neighborhood.

Roxy: I wondered why you and Anakin came in here during third grade. 

Anakin: We met them on the Sledding Hill Of Doom.  Told them you'd help them like Stacie did me.

Emma: Maybe we can all be friends.  

******

At the middle school

Kevin:  This is the social studies room. Both eighth and seventh grade use it. It's also our home room.

Hermione: Thanks for showing us around, Kevin.  

Kevin:  No problem.  When your mom mentioned...

Kevin:  Hi.  Are you new here, too? 

Ron: Yeah.  I'm Ron Weasley.

Kevin introduces himself, Hermione, and Harry.  Then he starts telling them about their classmates.

Draco:  Oh, look, more peasants.  Probably from the Welfare Arms out by the lake. 

Charmaine: The redheaded boy got on the bus there.  I don't know who the other two are.

Draco:  You ride the bus?

Taylor: Look, Sam, if that's how she's going to be, you're better off without her.

Samantha: She's just acting like that to impress Draco.  She thinks he's cute.

Alex: No boy is worth stabbing a good friend in the back for.  Especially not the way she did.  What she called you is -- 

Samantha:  She didn't say it.  He did. 

Gabriella:  That's just as bad.  She didn't defend you.

*****

  Nikki and Claudia find a moment to welcome Ginny after lunch.

Nikki:  How are you liking it here so far?  

Ginny:  I like it, but it's going to take a little getting used to.  I tried to look like I'm in a uniform, and everyone is so casual.  Did you two twin on purpose? 

Claudia: Yeah, we do that sometimes.  She's my bestie. 

Morning, Noon, and Night

Morning 

Taylor:  What's going on?  Why is Samantha crying?

Gabriella:  He's back.  I guess he got expelled again. 

Taylor: I can just imagine what he said to her.

Kevin: Actually, he's only spoken to one person since he got here, and it wasn't Samantha.

Samantha (crying): I thought she was my best friend.  How could she...

Alex: I don't know.  But don't let them see how upset you are.

Draco: I hope my parents find a new private school for me quickly.  I loathe having to associate with the likes of these people.

Charmaine: I know what you mean.  I wish my folks didn't insist on my attending public schools.  

Draco: I wonder about your parents, Charmaine, I really do. Are you certain they're as wealthy as they appear? 

*****

Noon

Fred: This is Silver Stream.  She's a mare.  That means girl horse.

Orlando and Samara: Ores!

Fred:  When you get big like me, you can ride her with a grown-up.  When you get big like Stacie, you can ride her all by yourself.

Pike: Fred, get down before you fall and spill the babies.  I've already got Dr. Potter here, I don't want to have to call an ambulance.

Fred (climbing down):  Are the doggy and kitty okay?

James: I can't say for sure until I run the blood tests, but they appear to be healthy.  You'll want to make an office appointment to get them fixed?

Fred: Why we gotta fix them if they're hell-fee? 

Pike:  I'll explain that later, Fred.  Say, James, I heard we might be neighbors soon. 

James: We're closing on a house right down the block.  Hope to be moved in by the wedding.  You've got an eighth grader and a third grader, don't you?  

Pike: Taylor's an eighth grader, but Stacie's in fourth grade.  You have kids that age? 

James (chuckles): Between the two of us, we have one of each sex in both grades.  She's got girls, I've got boys.  That's why we needed a bigger place - either of our two bedroom homes wasn't up to the job. 

Pike: Does she still think Rose-Grace is out to give the whole town to the amusement park?

James:  That's why we bought in your neighborhood.  It'll be the last one gobbled up. (Turns to Angus)  Now that I've dealt with the creatures that could have come into my office, it's your turn.

Pike: Hey, you were already scheduled for today.  I figured you'd offer to check them anyway.

James: Yeah, I probably would have. If all the blood tests are good, then they're going to need names.

Fred: I'm the boss of getting ideas.  You got any?

****

Night

Midna enters the data for today's business while Mariko and Whitney clean the diner for closing.

Mariko: Back of the house is done.  Once Whitney's done cleaning the tables, we can mop...

Someone knocks on the locked door.

Whitney: Jeez, people, we close at ten.  Read the sign!

Mariko: Oh, crap.  That's my aunt.  Something must have happened.

Midna:  Let her in.  I seriously doubt Nova Nakano is going to rob me.

Mariko:  What happened?  Are Dad and Mom okay? 

Nova: They're packing for the move.

Midna and Whitney:  MOVE?!  

Nova:  Don't worry, Mariko isn't going with them.  That's what I've come to tell her.  (To Mariko) Since you were so upset, your dad and I worked things out.  I'm moving into the house with you so you can stay here in Barbieville.  

Mariko:  Thank you!  Oh, Nova, you are the best aunt ever! 

Nova: Now, about that two week notice Mom told you to put in tonight... You can still do it if you want, but your new guardian is totally okay with you working as long as your grades don't suffer. 

Mariko: Why would I want to do that?  I love working here!

Nova: I figured as much.  I loved it, too, when I worked here. 

Mariko:  Wait, what? 

BMS Holiday Concert

Barbieville Middle School is having a Holiday Concert.  Pike and Mace bring Nikki and Taylor early, leaving Rose-Grace to herd the rest of the family.  Well, her and Candy...  

Mace: You brought the tank?  And where is your coat? 

Rose-Grace: You try to herd two teenage boys, two grown women, two children, and two babies into an SUV.  And I don't need a coat to walk from here to the school entrance.  

Mace: At least tell me it's in the tank in case you broke down or something.

Rose-Grace (annoyed): There are sleeping bags in the tank, remember?  

Esmeralda:  I do not envy you with that brood.  Ricky alone had me pulling my hair out!  

Four: Weren't you just saying you wished you had a daughter?

Esmeralda:  I do sometimes feel like I'm drowning in testosterone.  

Rose-Grace: Seeing girls through puberty isn't any easier.  That know-it-all stage?  Genderless.  

Esmeralda: Well, at least I've been through girl puberty.

Finnick:  Grandpa, what are you wearing?  

Mace: Fun.  Fun is what I'm wearing. 

Finnick: Dear God.  And my girlfriend is here.  Nakoma's actually going to see you. 

Ben: Thanks for saving me a seat, Mr. Montez.  

Joe: I keep telling you to call me Joe. 

Jenny: Mommy said you didn't never get to see Claudia sing before?  What kind of meanie bosses did you used to have?  

Ben: Sometimes bosses have to be mean.  Like tonight, it's mean to make your mommy work, right?  

Jenny: Well, that's because your boss's boss was a meanie and wouldn't let you close the store. 

Whitney: You know this entire mob is going to the diner afterwords.

Kyra: No.  I promised Wendy tonight was all about her.  She's feeling threatened by my relationship with Brent.  You don't get it because you had to grow up so much faster than she did.

Whitney: But if they need me...

Kyra: Whitney, do not make me be the bad guy here.  Just one night, okay?  

Nakoma: Hey, you made it.  Where's Anakin?

Pocahontas: At the Smith's.  

Nakoma: You're letting John babysit?  Where's my real sister?

Pocahontas: I'm letting Anakin spend the evening at his friend Roxy's house.  My history with Roxy's father has nothing to do with it.  

Taylor:  I'm so nervous!  What if a big Hollywood agent is in the audience?

Gabriella: What if Godzilla attacks during Jingle Bells? 

Taylor (laughing): You're such a brat.  

Claudia: It sucks that your mom had to miss the concert, Courtney.  Even Nikki's grandpa and kind of step mom managed to make it.

Courtney: No big deal, really.  She's been to every school thing for us.  Ben's lucky if he can make teacher conferences.

Nikki: Dad's on call just in case. 

Ricky: I still can't believe you didn't have my back when I said this concert was against our religion.

Kevin: I can't believe you're such a crybaby.  And a liar to boot!  

Ricky: He doesn't go to our church.  He wouldn't know.  

Wendy: Kevin did it last year.  I'm pretty sure the school knows what religion you guys are.  Or aren't.

Kevin: Exactly.  Thank you, Miss Darling.

Wendy (giggles): You're welcome, Mr. Eaton.  

Ricky: Whatever.  Why isn't your mom's boyfriend here tonight?  Did you get rid of him?

Wendy: He's at his sister's for Christmas.  (To Kevin)  He sent me a bunch of flowers tonight.  Wasn't that nice?  Especially after I've been so hateful to him.

Guinness leads the choir from the classroom to backstage.  Once he's sure they're all accounted for, he goes onstage and gets every one's attention.  

The eighth graders perform three songs:  Jingle Bells, Winter Wonderland, and The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

The seventh graders sing Let It Snow, Sleigh Ride, and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.

The entire ensemble then sings The Holly and The Ivy.  Those who do not wish to sing the religious verses are not required to do so.  Samantha, who is Jewish, then leads the rest in The Dreidel Song.