The Investigation Part One

The federal agent, Lorina Dahl, arrives in Barbieville on a sunny Tuesday morning and sets to work immediately.  Her first order of business is a meeting with the mayor, fire chief, police chief, and the county's lead detective on the case.

Detective: I don't understand why the mayor felt the need for help from an outside agency.

Eddie: Might have something to do with the lack of interdepartmental cooperation.  

Detective: I have this handled. 

Lorina:  No, my agency has this handled.  Anyone who refuses to share information will meet federal consequences.  

Detective: Mayor Pike, are you really so insecure that you -- 

Rose-Grace: I nearly lost both the twins, as well as a dear friend, to this arsonist.  You'll have to forgive me a bit of insecurity.  

Detective: Your dear friend?  Albus?  That burn-out?   

Lorina: Ladies, please!  I'm not afraid to pull rank on any of you.

Eddie: Please, pull rank on them.  Pull rank on me.  Whatever it takes to track this pyromaniac down.

Lorina: Thank you, Chief Dean. (checks her computer)  It looks like I have everyone's files now, and I've got Miss Staulbahm waiting outside to be interviewed.  I'll contact you if I need anything more, and I expect to be notified if you learn anything pertaining to this case.

They leave Lorina to talk to Clara.  After the initial introductions, Lorina gets directly to the point. 

Lorina: Did you set these fires?

Clara (annoyed):  I've already told Spiro, no.  The only incident I don't have someone to vouch for me on is the one at the medical center.  All the others, I was in class with about 50 other people.  

Lorina: You've had a contentious history with the victims.  

Clara (rolls her eyes): I've got a history with this whole stupid town.  Me and another girl did a socio-political experiment last fall that people are still holding against me.  Us.  Mostly me, though, because they believed her apology.

Lorina: Yet they have you in protective custody.  Why?

Clara (shrugs): Same reason I've not set fire to anything.

Albus comes home from work to find Lorina waiting for him. She shows her identification.

Lorina: I'm here about the fires.  When I listened Detective Spiro's interviews with you, I noticed there were several times she cut you off when you were trying to make a point. 

Albus: She thinks this old hippie's got nothing upstairs.  (laughs) I didn't do that many drugs in the sixties.

Lorina: Would you mind going over those recordings and telling me what points you were trying to make?  

Albus: Only if we go inside.  I've been on my feet... well, on these crutches... all day.  

Albus: Okay, right here?  She kept saying the charges on the haunted house wall were placed professionally, but they aren't.  A pro would have put them about a foot higher that they were.  

Lorina: You've worked in demolition? 

Albus: Many years ago.  The technology has changed, but laws of physics haven't.   

Lorina:  Interesting.  (She leans across to fast-forward the recording.)  And here, she becomes angry when you say you can't remember?

Albus: I had a flashback to Vietnam and then passed out.  Or maybe it was the other way around.  (chuckles) I suspect she thinks it was an entirely different kind of flashback.

Lorina: Well, as poorly as you hide your weed...  

A few days later, Lorina calls a meeting with Chief Lynch and Detective Spiro.

Lorina: Why is Clara Staulbaum still a suspect?  She has an iron-clad alibi for most of the incidents. 

Detective: She spearheaded KBV, which targeted the same people.

Lynch: So why isn't Becky Weasley a suspect?  She was KBV, too. 

Lorina: You found blond hairs at one of the scenes, but never had it analyzed.  I've taken the liberty of doing that for you.  I've also got my team working on analysis of the video footage from Witch's Cove and the medical center. 

Detective: We have a backlog at our labs.  

Lynch: No wonder you didn't want to share information.  You didn't want us to know you were sitting on your hands while our town burned, one building at a time.

After Lynch and Spiro go, Lorina makes another call to her team.

Lorina: Check the background on the following individuals...

Let's Get Our Story Straight

It's no secret that the Barbie line has fallen in popularity.  Mattel has been accused of turning girls into an army of anorexic narcissists, of being detrimental to the self esteem and potential of our female youth by focusing on hair, make-up, and wardrobe.

Not only is that not what Mattel has done, it actually flies in the face of Ruth Handler's vision.  Barbie, to her, was all about possibilities.  Barbie went to outer space before any flesh and blood woman did.  The current campaign is "You can be anything" which echoes back to the previous "We girls can do anything, right, Barbie?" Barbie, for all the garbling her message got, has always been about empowerment.

But that's not why I'm up on my hot pink soapbox today.  Today, I saw a Kickstarter for one line of dolls and a review of another.  One I can get behind, the other, not so much.

The kickstarter is for a line of "Curvy" dolls, riding the wave of body positivity.  What sold me on the idea, though, isn't the shape of the dolls.  The thing I like about this new line, and a lot of the new lines I've seen, is working elbows and knees at a reasonable price.  (Their eyeballs don't take up half their face, either, but I digress.)  I understand the desire for us larger gals to be represented, but to my mind, it's less important than our brains and our hearts. Articulation is the key, you see, to playing out those brain-and-heart possibilities. 

The review I saw was for one of those surprise doll lines - you don't know who you got until you open the package.  The focus of it, and apparently of all the doll lines that seem to be popular right now:  Hair.  Clothes.  Looks.  Some of them are well articulated, but most are not - they have the basic five points if that. 

Now I finally get to my point.  If Barbie is losing sales because she's not empowering girls, if she's declining in popularity because she's vanity personified, WHY are we buying these other toys?  WHY are we buying Hootchie Babies and Camera Hogs and Immobile But Pretty? 

I can't find the Fresh Dolls in my stores.  This new line is using a Kickstarter to get out there.  I usually find maybe a half-dozen better articulated dolls among all the standard-five Fashionistas and Disney Princesses.  Logic dictates it's because they don't sell.  So what is selling?  What are all those parents that claim to be so concerned about body image and empowerment actually buying? 

Hootchie Babies and Camera Hogs and Immobile But Pretty.

Even as we blame a doll with a million careers for anorexia, we're buying toys that are all about vanity.  The hypocrisy has me up on my hot pink soapbox today.  I'm perfectly fine with you buying a Hootchie Baby - it's your money - but do not tell me about how evil Barbie is while you're doing so.

An Evening Of Glamour

Prom Night

The twins pose with their dates before leaving for the big dance.  

Tanner:  How long does it take you to snap a photo, Step-Mom? 

Finnick: Give her a break, man.  She isn't a pro like Mom.

Guinness and McG are chaperoning the event.  They retire to a corner, not wishing to intrude on the fun any more than needed. 

McG: You probably know the Pike twins...  they're my grandsons. 

Guinness: I'm sure you know, then, about my son and the reasons behind his absence.  He's been, shall we say, less than a gentlemen in recent months.  

McG: I've heard the stories.  I do have to say I'm surprised you've included Prom.  

Guinness (slyly):  I assumed he wouldn't want to attend.  Why, at any minute a gang fight or a war dance might break out. Perhaps even a Food Stamp exchange.  

McG:  I don't know if I'm shocked or amused.

Guinness: Why not both?

Finnick: Wow.  Most of us don't even look like us any more.  

Nakoma: I think that's the idea.  We aren't us tonight, we're aristocrats or something.

Finnick:  Excuse me, ma'am, are you implying that my girlfriend is anything less than a lady?

Tris: But the photo package is so expensive.

Four: Mom insisted we get it.  You can argue with her.

Whitney: I can't believe I'm dancing with you like this.  It's like a dream come true.

Tanner: And all it took was a mad arsonist damn near killing me.

Whitney: Are all the Pike boys too dense to see that a girl likes him? 

Tanner: Fred and Orlando are a little young yet. 

Raven: I can't believe Mom wanted us to come together. 

Peeta: We did come together.

Raven: I mean together together.  Sorry, but my stepbrother is not gonna be my Prom date.

Peeta: Oh, yeah.  That was weird.  I guess she just figured it was better than not having a date.

Raven: As if.

Prom Royalty: Mariko Nakano and Frodo Dean.

Everybody dance now!

Dance the night away!

Shake your groove thing!

Frodo likes to watch.

Preparing For Big Things

As Easter Sunday and the prom approach, things are getting busy in the Pike household.  Spring Break offers little relief to the woman of the house.  Besides her career, there are certain traditions in the family that belong to the mother.  Dyeing eggs for the bunny to bring is one of them.  

Rose-Grace: Thanks for bringing another dozen eggs, Morgan.  The last thing I need right now was to have to go into town!  If one more person asks me out of the blue what I'm going to do about the arsonist, I might come out swinging.  

Morgan: Any word yet on the problem with the detective?

Rose-Grace: The Sheriff is disappointed that we aren't happy to let Spiro handle it.  I guess Inter-departmental cooperation means very little in the face of media glory.  

McG: That's ridiculous.  No matter your profession, the best results depend upon cooperating with others.  I've been struggling with the Jane Eyre project and if it weren't for Suzie Dean's help...  Well, she's been a godsend.

Morgan: Isn't she Stacie's teacher? Why's she helping with a high school English project? 

McG: Elementary School Physical Education, yes.  I initially contacted her about casting young Jane and Adele.  She offered to help in any way she can.

Rose-Grace:  Suzie's brilliant.  Wasted teaching gym, if you ask me.  Now, let's relax while we wait for the eggs to boil.  Dyeing enough eggs for this brood is a job and we should take advantage of the chance. 

Morgan: Put the kids to work.  (Rose-Grace and McG exchange a glance.)  Oh, come on, they can't be that bad.  

*****

Upstairs, in the 'boy cave' 

Fred (giggling and out of breath):  Quit tickling, Four, I'm gonna have a pee pee accident!

Tanner: I told you to stop walking up to my friends and informing them that they're F-words.  

Fred: Mr. John said cause I'm a F-word, I gotta bring a list of other F-words to school and you only told me bad words!

Tanner: I told you Finnick.  Is he a bad word?

Nakoma: Is that why you asked me what kind of Indian I am?  In case it starts with an F? 

Finnick: Yeah, but I told him you're Virginia Algonquin, or Pamunkey.

Fred: Are you really a Pow Monkey? 

Nakoma: I've gotta go.  We're shopping for Prom dresses this afternoon.  Well, Whitney and Mariko are.  I've already got mine.  (To Fred)  I have a nice little book at home that you can borrow.  All about us Pow Monkeys.

*****

Doll County Mall, that afternoon

Wilma: Lemme down!  I wanna go peek! 

Nakoma: No way.  If I have to wait, so do you.  Tell me about the W words you've collected for school.  

Wilma: Whitney, Wendy, William - that's my meanie grandpa - and waitress and wiggle and...  Ooh, Mommy, you look so pretty!  

Mariko: What am I, chopped liver?

Wilma: You're pretty but Mommy is the most prettifullest.

Nakoma: I love that pink on you!  Gorgeous!  (turns to Whitney) Yours is lovely, but I think you should go with another color.  If Tanner is anything like Finnick, that white dress will have him hearing wedding bells. 

Whitney: That's kind of the point.  If we end up getting married, I can use the same dress.  Save some money, you know?

Mariko:  Girl, some things are not meant for pinching pennies.  Things like Prom and weddings. 

Wilma: I'm the beautifulest mommy getting married to one of the twins. 

Nakoma: Your daughter doesn't even know which one he is and you're already talking marriage?

Whitney: Well, not really.  But you guys know how frugal I am.  And Mom's the same size.  What if she decides to marry Brent? 

Wilma: I'm the beautifulest Gramma marrying Brent. 

  

Spring Has Sprung

The last nine weeks of school begins with a new student coming to Barbieville Middle School.

Claudia and Moana wait for the bus outside Lake Shore Townhomes.

Claudia: I guess it's kind of like any public school.  Some good teachers, some bad ones.  Same with the kids.  

Moana: Thanks for offering to help me out.  Jason promised me we won't move.  Well, I won't have to change schools.  Obviously, when he gets a job, we might have to move out of this complex. 

Claudia: Ben wouldn't qualify to live here if it wasn't for me.  Kids are expensive. 

Ron: Watch out for Draco, though.  He don't like you poor folk and those of us who slum with you.

Moana: Us poor folk?  Dude, you live here, too. 

Ginny: We're independently wealthy, or will be when we're old enough to get our trust funds.  I guess we are technically poor right now...

Ron: Our cousin is the manager here and she's got custody of us.  We picked her because she was the only one who cared more about us than the money.

Ginny: Took a while to convince the courts, though. 

*****

At the high school, McG begins a long-term substitute position in the Language Arts classroom.  

Raven: That's the twins' grandma?  

Tris: Four says she's really strict but otherwise cool.  Hey, did I tell you Zenobia and I decided to find a bigger apartment?  Where should we look?

Raven: How would I know?

Tris: Aren't you and your mom looking for a place?

Raven: Oh, that.  She's been seeing Dean, like, forever.  They decided to get married.  Just a mayor's office thing, though, since Mom isn't Jewish.  I get to share a room with his thirteen year old. 

McG:  Miss Prior, Miss Baxter.  Would you like to share with the class, since your subject matter is clearly more important than mine?  (waits a moment)  As I was saying, Miss Jones left me with instructions regarding your course of study.  It appears that the final exam is to be a stage production of one of the books reviewed this term.  

Raven (whispering):  Please let it be Gone With The Wind.

McG: Given the subject matter, some things have to be changed for a school production, but Miss Jones had a script nearly finished at the time of her accident.  Please consider what roles you'd like to audition for on Friday.

  

Raven (whispering):  Gone With The Wind  please please please

McG: I'm sorry, Miss Baxter, but it will be Jane Eyre.  

*****

After school, at the hospital. 

Tanner:  You aren't Whitney, but you're a lot prettier than Frodo.

Nakoma: Thanks, I think.  The Language Arts play this year is Jane Eyre.  Want me to put you down for any roles? 

Tanner: There's only one guy in that whole book!

Nakoma: You must not have been paying much attention when we read it. And you should be out of the hospital in plenty of time.

Rose-Grace: Marcus was just here.  Tanner is going home tomorrow.

Nakoma:  That's great!  I can't wait to tell the gang! 

Rose-Grace: And I think you should put him down to play Mason.  

****

That evening, KAP (Kin As Parents) welcomes a new member to the support group.

Becky: Guys, this is Jason Fly.  He just moved here, has custody of a seventh-grader, and is looking for work.  

Jason: Anything will do.  I hate being unemployed but don't have much by way of qualifications.

Nova: You're in good company, then.  Both Ben and I work at places that are almost always hiring and Pocahontas owns the amusement park.  We'll see what we can do for you.  

Ben: Jason has quite a story about his charge.  He doesn't even know how she's kin.

Jason: It's kind of a long one, but here goes.  I was DNA matched with Moana.  I have several brothers and uncles who might be the father.  So Moana is either my cousin or my niece. 

Pocahontas: Wow. 

Jason: Moana's mom died in a car accident and the foster care system has just implemented a system of DNA matching.  They contacted all of us and I was the only one willing to take in the child.

Pocahontas: Can't they tell how closely related you are?  Or is cousin and niece the same degree of relation?  

Jason: I'm not sure.  All I know is, she's my blood and she needed me.  

Ben: Maybe Pocahontas should do that.  See how many more Anakins are out there. 

Pocahontas: I wouldn't dare.  Anakin already thinks I don't believe he's really my brother.  

Albus's Hippie Van

After the Pikes were done cannibalizing the new Star Traveller to upgrade The Tank, I set to work making it into a hippie van for Albus to live in.  I thought about making it into a school bus but Albus can be very persuasive.  All I had to work with was the bare-bones vehicle, the bathroom door but only one bathroom wall, the table surface, two vanities, and two round sink units.

First order of business was to finish the clean up.  None of the stickers survived but they left lots of residue!  Here we see it at the beginning of the renovation.  It didn't take long to figure out the vanity pieces were not going to work since they had no sides for me to glue to the walls.  One of the sinks was missing the faucet, so the other was selected.

The bathroom space has two areas for snapping walls into position.  Since I only had one, Albus opted for the bathroom to be part of the rear compartment.  That will be the bedroom and therefore more private.  When I was gluing the wall into place, I noticed staining from the rug.  Looks like Albus has been murdering around!

There's also some on the exterior of the camper.  It's not as noticeable, but it's there.  The stripes and one rug were very pink.  I guess the pigment ran during clean up.  

Albus informs me that he lives in a campground with a shower house and eats all his meals at work, so he doesn't need anything more than a toilet and a bed.  I told him it he should be able to wash his hands and to get a glass of water.  He agreed.

God bless the clearance rack. A ten by ten wooden plaque is almost the perfect size for his bed.  he can sleep diagonally.  It's not like he has to share.  He still doesn't have a blanket or pillows, but it's spring right now.  I promise he'll have them by fall.

One end of the sink unit has a partial wall and I glued that to the bathroom wall.  The poster above the sink says "One day at a time".  The next step: What to do about the open end and the incomplete front?  

Colorful craft sticks give the front a cheerful touch that reaches the floor.  They also served to brace the base of the cabinet and keep it from leaning.  I wrapped a few in duct tape and glued them to the inside floor.  

A scrap of denim from my sewing box gets clamped into place while the glue dries.  Albus can have a side cabinet behind a curtain! 

The door had to glued into place because one of the hinges is broken.

Removing the hanger assembly from the back of the plaque.  It wasn't hurting anything, but I might need them some day.  Into the tool box with them!

Headlights and blinkers painted.

Brake lights and blinkers in the rear, also painted.  (I'm beginning to think Barbieville has a law requiring Smokies stickers.)   You can see the poster on the bathroom side of that wall - this one says "Worry less, live more".  We can feed Sour Flush candy to The Boy and use the plastic toilet it comes in to finish Albus's plumbing.  

Albus welcomes you to his humble abode.  Pull up a captain's chair and make yourself comfortable. It's not much, but as always in Barbieville, it's a work in progress.  And Albus is a simple creature, really.  He don't need much. 

Upgrading The Tank

This is The Tank.  The Pike family's beloved, if somewhat junky looking, RV.  I have an earlier blog (one of my first) detailing the customization on it.  I got it for fifty bucks, a steal compared to the going rates for Star Travelers. 

Well, my friend Jennifer St Clair (also a pretty dang good author if you're so inclined) sent me two pictures yesterday.  Ten dollars, she said.  TEN DOLLARS!

All the bits and bobs appear to be in there, if in the wrong location.  Original dashboard and steering wheel.  No instrument display, but is it buried in there?

Axles and chassis look to be intact.  Look!  The roof!  The Tank has no roof!  

 I told my friend to teleport to the seller and nab it for me.  

I sorted stuff out to see what I had, figuring out what's getting cannibalized for The Tank.  Roof and ladder, definitely. 

Both bunks, the rear sink, and vanity are present.  Look!  Even the original rug is there! Bathroom door and one of the bathroom wall extensions.  The Pikes have an intact bathroom and they like their shower curtain, so I reckon these bits are safe.  For now.

The kitchenette, bench, and table (sans support bar).  The Pikes are totally stealing some of these.  Oh, yeah, and the other original rug!  The rugs are stickers, so won't be getting stolen for The tank.  Maybe they won't survive the cleaning process.

No instrument display but both captain's chairs and the dash with original steering wheel.  This one took a lot of thought, but I decided the Pikes would keep their jerry-rigged dash board.  I just like the look of the silly thing and it has, ya know, a speedometer and stuff.

Door.  Yes, I know it's upside down.  The Tank has a door so this one is safe.

Guts go in the dishwasher.

Stripped down chassis goes in the bath tub.  It won't fit in the dishwasher.

Extra goodies! 

Now to see what works and what doesn't.  The bunks are too long for the other side of the rear, but the bench fits almost perfectly.  The "George Foreman grill" and sink can go since I'll be installing a real kitchen up front.

The black bench (cannibalized from a Hannah Montana karaoke toy) is removed.  A screw hole in the wall can be covered when they get more travel stickers.  Midna's eyeballing this for her restaurant.

I covered the oven door with reflective duct tape.  This sticker didn't survive very well and who cooks actual pies on a camping trip, anyway?  

I was relieved the burners survived and coated them with clear nail polish, just in case.  Pegs are missing, so a generous application of super glue was needed.  Now we're cookin'!  

Woke up my suspected Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and needed a Band-Aid for one finger, but failed to make the under-bench cabinet fit back here.  So... A bit of one bunk to make this rear shelf the same height as the wheel well.

And the bench is in place.  Not sure if this will hold, but I'll keep the cabinetry just in case further stabilization is needed.  It's probably salvageable by someone with real tools and more patience.  

Ladder and roof in place.  Roof is not glued because I need to be able to remove it for play. 

They are keeping the extra bunk.  They can toss it on the floor for sleepy time.  Thanks to Jennifer, The Tank now has a real kitchen instead of  a "George Foreman grill" and a vanity sink.  No more cooking in the bedroom!  They also have two more sleeping surfaces, bringing them up to five.

Too bad there are ten of them - they better hang on to the tent!

Update - The Boy counted seven sleeping places.  He suggested the captain's chairs be recliners! 

***Stay tuned for my renovation of the chassis in my tub.***