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Tuesday, December 14, 2021

The Verdict Is In

 WDLC News special report. Live from Doll County Courthouse, Barbieville Mayor Rose-Grace Pike is making a prepared statement regarding Barbieville's Deadly Driver case.



Rose-Grace: Just moments ago, Paris Malfoy, once a respected professor at the local university, was found guilty of all charges.  Homicide victims included his own wife, historian Helena Malfoy, and County Parks Employee Charlie Lake.  Other charges include human trafficking, fraud, and grand theft auto.  Malfoy will be serving at least twenty years, at which time he is eligible for parole. I will not be taking questions at this time. 


Andre: Do not respond to any questions.  Walk directly to the vehicle.

Malfoy: You were supposed to get me off, you lousy little -- 

Lynch: Considering public sentiment, you're lucky to have avoided The Chair. 

****

It's evening by the time Rose-Grace gets home.  


Mace: We saw you on the news.  Looking pretty good.

Rose-Grace: Lynch brought him out and the entire mob forgot I existed.   (chuckles)  I'm not even sure how I ended up being the one to make a statement.  Usually it's one of the attorneys.  I'm just glad it's finally over and I can get back to normal.


Candy: I snuck out in disguise and came right here.  Pike said I can crash on the couch tonight, since your windows are far enough from the road to deter reporters.  

Rose-Grace: According to the police radio, crowds are congregating at your building and The Tor.  You can see them in front of James and PJ's place, too, but so far no one's complained there.  They're like vultures. 

Candy: Making all us ethical photojournalists look bad.  



Taylor: Hey, Mom!  Did he get The Chair? 

Rose-Grace: You know we don't even have a death penalty.  I came in here to tell you I spoke to Halfsies.  They don't have the funds for paid employees, but they said an internship is possible.  

Taylor: Internship is a good start, I guess.  Okay if I stop there after school tomorrow to work out a schedule?  

Rose-Grace: Just remember, your schoolwork comes first.  Keep the grades up. 



Rose-Grace: You left your homework this late?  You know better than that. 

Stacie: I've been working on this all day, Stepmom.  Life in ancient Rome was crazy!

Rose-Grace: Life in modern Barbieville is crazy, too.  I'm gonna pour me a glass of wine and soak in a bubble bath.  Which might be something they did in ancient Rome.  Although my wine isn't kept in lead urns.  






Sunday, December 12, 2021

Lies and Gossip

 Zenobia and Boudicca have been summoned to Judge's Chambers.



Judge: It is unusual for me to speak directly with witnesses, but both attorneys have agreed provided they are present.  What I want isn't evidence, per se.  It's context to help me decide on sentencing. Both of you had obvious reactions to your father's testimony, which intrigues me. 

Zenobia: If Mom knew about my van, she wouldn't have kept quiet.  She would have told me and encouraged me to prosecute the thief.  If there'd been drugs in it, she'd have seen to it I was prosecuted. She was very into teaching us that actions have consequences. 

Boudicca: I'm beginning to think Dad needs psychiatric help.  That entire scenario sounds more like him protecting the family name than anything she would have done.  

Zenobia:  You were always more forgiving than me.  The man is a liar, plain and simple. 

Andre: Your Honor, I have to object.  Miss Malfoy is accusing my client of perjury.

Judge: Objection noted.  Is there anything else you'd like me to consider? 


Boudicca:  He's always been more concerned with the family's public image than with our own feelings.  He wanted to legally disown Zenobia a long time ago, but Mom wouldn't hear of it.  Personally, I think he's the one who hid the vehicle away.  Whether he's lying or delusional I'll leave to the experts. 


Zenobia: His first-born was supposed to be a lot of things I'm not. But none of that really bears on the case, except the van.  And the question of why it was in hiding doesn't change the fact that he used it to do what he did.

Judge: I'll take Boudicca's advice and consult with the professionals already on the case.  Thank you for your time. ladies. 

**** 

As a result of this meeting, the keytar player for Sarcastic Fringehead is late for rehearsal. 


Zenobia: Thanks for waiting, guys.  Talk to me about anything that's not my dad, please! 



Whitney: Finnick was telling us he doesn't think Maddie Sulu needs guitar lessons and Nakoma wants to punch Esperanza in the nose.

Tanner: I wanna punch Esperanza in the nose.  Just because she gets you so worked up.  

Whitney: I just worry that she might be right.  Even just a little. 

Tanner: Well, she ain't right.  If I had a problem with our relationship, I'd talk to you about it.  



Nakoma: It's not just you, anyway.  She's spreading tales about Finnick and Mattie, too.  Among others. 

Zenobia: It's just gossip.  Do you have any ideas how many times the gossip mill's had me pregnant?  

Nakoma: Mattie is a minor.  Finnick could get arrested. 

Zenobia: Nobody's gonna get arrested based on gossip.  Investigated, maybe, but not arrested. 















Monday, November 22, 2021

Take A Stand

Paris Malfoy's trial so far has been a lot of technical jargon, explaining the crime lab's test results and evidence found in the possessions of all three victims and the accused.  Prosecution asks Federal Agent Carol Danvers to summarize. 



Carol: Charlie Lake discovered that the accused was involved in bringing immigrants into the country through illegal means and providing them with false documentation.  Shortly thereafter, Ms Lake was struck by the vehicle identified via laboratory testing.  She was killed instantly.  The same vehicle later struck and killed Helena Malfoy.  Candy Pike escaped with serious injuries from a third vehicular attack, capturing video footage of the driver in the process.  The driver has been identified as the accused. 

The prosecution rests. 


Paris: It's ridiculous that I have to wear this prison jumpsuit.  Why was I not allowed a suit?  This is humiliating.

Judge: Local law, Mr. Malfoy.  Your complaint has been noted. 

Andre: Your Honor, distinguished members of the jury, my intent today is not to convince you this man did not do the things of which he was accused.  It is to tell you a sordid history of spousal abuse, which led him to take such desperate means.  (To Paris) We'll begin with the courtship and wedding.  How did you meet your wife? 

Paris: We attended university together and shared a history major.  My parents refused their blessing unless Helena signed a prenuptial agreement and she refused to do so unless specific requirements were met.  

Andre: What were those requirements?

Paris: In her words: Whoever files for divorce loses everything.  The money, the property, even custody of the children.  She was quite insulted by the idea, believe my parents were calling her a gold digger. I felt it was a mere formality - never would I have expected what was to come.  I was trapped. 

Andre: How would you characterize your marriage? 

Paris: Pleasant enough, at first.  But after our youngest was born, she became demanding.  She provided very little income but insisted on luxury items like a fleet of cars.  It was her choice to move into The Tor from my family estate.  The Tor has luxuries the manor house doesn't.  She ignored my concerns about the children, even financially supporting our eldest in a hedonistic and immoral lifestyle.  It was Helena who kept Zenobia's van.  When the police found it, it was full of drug paraphernalia, and Helena bribed them to protect Zenobia. 

Andre: How did this situation lead you into human trafficking? 

Paris: Helena was spending money faster than I could make it.  I tried to get her to increase her own profits from the museum, to charge more for admission or something, but she refused to even consider it.  So I found people, those willing to work for pennies on the dollar, and did what was needed to keep them here.  

Andre: Charlie Lake, an employee of Doll County Parks, discovered this.  What did she do? 

Paris: She was blackmailing me.  One of the things I did to raise the money was downsize our parking permit at The Tor, leaving us nowhere to store Zenobia's van.  I was taking it beck to her when I came across Charlie jogging.  I meant to give her a good scare, but it went badly and she died.  After that, I had to hide the van.   But I realized:  I was rid of the blackmailer, so why not be rid of Helena the same way?  And then the photographer who'd been snooping around.  


Andre: Please state your name and relationship to the accused. 

Morgan: I'm Morgan Pike, doctor of paleontology.  I teach at the same college.  I also worked with Helena at the museum and Candy is my former sister-in-law.  

Andre: Did you ever observe any tension between the Malfoys? 

Morgan: They seemed very formal with each other. Helena did mention that he had been pressuring her to raise admission prices, but that didn't strike me as very unusual.  Couples bicker bout that kind of thing.  

Andre:  You say they were formal.  Can you elaborate on that? 

Morgan:  If I hadn't known they were married, I would have thought they were colleagues.  They interacted in a business-like manner. 


Coby: I'm Jacoby Patrick.  I'm a professor of Gender Studies at the college and I have a exhibit at the museum, much like Morgan Pike.  

Andre: What is your assessment of the Malfoy marriage? 

Coby: They were quite unhappy.  Neither of them spoke of the other fondly.  Both very strong personalities, with different priorities.  She was a feminist, for example, but he focused on their son to the exclusion of the daughters.  Helena and I discussed that at length since that's my field. 

Andre: Did either of them mention divorce? 

Coby: Helena did say it was not an option.  


Andre: What can you tell me about your parents' marriage?

Zenobia: It was a joke.  The only thing they had in common was a love of history, and they loved it for different reasons.  Both had very high standards for us, but like I said, for different reasons.  

Andre: Your chosen lifestyle hardly seems to meet high standards, if you'll forgive me for saying so. 

Zenobia: I'm an adult and my lifestyle is hardly the drunken orgy Dad presents it as.  

Andre: I beg your pardon.  Did you ever hear them argue about money?

Zenobia: Only when I graduated and Mom wanted to give me my trust fund.  He said I didn't need it if I wasn't going to college.  Mom said it was meant for getting started in life, not just for college.  

Andre: Did you get it? 

Zenobia: Yes, I did.  


Andre: Tell me about your parents' marriage. 

Boudicca: They weren't prone to public displays of affection, not even with us, but some families are like that.  Everything seemed fine. 

Andre: You never heard discussions about money?

Boudicca: Well, there was the blow-up about Zenobia's trust.  Dad sees the trusts as college money, so it wasn't an issue for me.  I went directly into medical school.   

Andre: Your parents supported your choice to pursue such an expensive education?

Boudicca: Well, Dad did try to talk me into nursing.  I figured it was his thing about girls in careers, but it might have been about money.  (looks at Paris) He should have clarified if it was.  We could have worked something out. 

Charlotte: My name is Charlotte Jackson.  I have a long history with Helena and I also live in The Tor. 

Andre: When did you meet Helena? 

Charlotte: We went to school together, Barbieville Public. My family was very poor and so we didn't have much.  My sister and I usually wore old clothes.  Stained and poorly mended, several years out of fashion.  We couldn't go on field trips, things like that, and Helena bullied us relentlessly. 

Andre: Can you think of any specific incidents? 

Charlotte: Well, it reached its peak in High School.  You see, I had a baby and the father deserted me, but Helena... well, she told it all over school that I didn't even know who his father was.  Another rumor was that Chris was the product of incest.  It was so awful, I had a nervous breakdown.  Helena just used that to torment me more.  I ended up leaving town in shame. 

Andre: Terrible. 

Charlotte: I returned recently, but you can imagine my feelings when I realized Helena was my neighbor.  I bought a campground as an investment.  Helena's son vandalized the place, even leaving one of my permanent tenants homeless because his camper was totaled. I prosecuted the boy, but Helena pulled strings and got the boy off with just a slap on the wrist.  She's filed complaints about me to The Tor so often, I might lose my lease!  

Andre: Is the problem limited to your residence? 

Charlotte: She's turned everyone at the country club against me, too.  I try to socialize but they just turn up their noses and walk away.  The boy, he bullies my sister's daughters at school.  No doubt he learned from her.  Helena's daughter works at the hospital where my husband is a patient and I'm afraid she'll do something to Billy.  

Andre: Do you find it unreasonable to think Helena drove her husband to desperation?  

Charlotte: Absolutely reasonable.  The woman was a menace to anyone she took a dislike to. 












Tuesday, November 9, 2021

Chance Encounter

 Barbieville Grocery.  The store's pretty empty, considering it's stop-after-work time. Rose-Grace is eyeing the produce in clearance aisle. 


PJ: How's Candy?  

Rose-Grace: Well, she's back on her feet, but pretty depressed about the possible permanent damage to the knee.  So much of her career is built on going into war-torn areas or jungles, places a bum leg can get you killed. 

PJ (winces in sympathy):  My knees give me trouble, and I'm just a dentist.  In a handicap-friendly building.  How are the kids holding up?  James's boys are a mess.


Rose-Grace: I don't think we should be discussing the case, not with the trial pending.  But we're all just grateful Candy survived.   

PJ: I've always envied you about her.  You make co-parenting look so easy.  Charlie - well, the less said there the better.  

Rose-Grace:  That's all Candy.  She accepted when they divorced that he, as custodial parent, would be calling the shots.  Sometimes we have to badger her just to get input. 


PJ: Boudicca took a leave of absence from the hospital.  I wish I could tell her we don't hold any of this against her.  

Rose-Grace: Zenobia has been very quiet when she comes over for rehearsal. The band finally decided to take a break until all this passes.

PJ: Probably for the best, really, at least as far as the trial is concerned.  We don't need that lawyer accusing us of plotting together. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2021

Pillaging the Pumpkin Patch

 Early November on Windu Acres


Fred: Why can't I ride back here with Stacie?  It's not fair.

Mace: You can if you agree to pay the ticket I'll get.  Got a couple hundred bucks laying around? 

Fred: How come we're taking the horse trailer but no horse? 

Mace: Hagrid will meet us there.  Anything that is too mushy for us, he takes to the preserve for the wild animals. Our stuff goes in the bed of the truck, his in the trailer.  

Fred: I like Hagrid.  He's like a giant hairy kid!


Hagrid: Once you adopt a few more helpers, or the ones you got grow up, you'll be able to keep the patch open after Halloween.  Do hay rides and stuff. 

Sulu: We did have live music this year, thanks to Mattie.  

Hagrid: Are you gonna adopt more kids?

Sulu: Five's our goal.  Bobby's hoping the next one is a boy. 


Stacie: You played for the customers?  I'd get stage fright so bad! 

Mattie (shrugs): More like I just played during down time.  Customers liked it, so Dad gave me more down time.  Some girl with pink hair tried to start a fight with me about Finnick.  It was weird.  

Stacie: Esperanza.  She's probably convinced he's cheating on Nakoma with you.  

Mattie: As if.  He's disgustingly in love with Nakoma. 


Mace: Hey, we ain't paying you gals to gossip!  

Mattie: We're waiting for you big strong men to start chucking pumpkins at us.  

Hagrid:  Dang, girl!  Where'd you come from that you think we're gonna throw these at you? 

Mattie: Give me a break.  I'm new at this farm girl stuff. 


Fred: This is neato.  Can we get in it?

Bobby: It's just a decoration.  I wish we'd get big enough to help, but Daddy says we have to weigh more than the pumpkins.  

Vivica: He's fibbing.  Mattie don't weigh more than the pumpkins and she gets to help. 

Fred: I babysit our little twins all the time and StepMommy says it's a big important job. So we are helping since we gotta keep Diana safe. 



Once the pumpkins are loaded, they discuss lunch. 

Hagrid: You pick the place, I pay the bill.  That's the deal every year and you know it. 

Mace: Might be a little different now that I've brought these two. 

Hagrid: Nope.  I expected Tanner, anyway. How's he working out? 

Mace: He's good.  Needs a poke every now and then, but who doesn't? 

Fred: Hagrid, tell Grandpa Mace to let me ride in the horsey trailer with you.  

Mace: Hagrid ain't the boss of me.  The only reason he's allowed to ride in the trailer is because he's a grown man and can pay his own ticket. 















Wednesday, October 13, 2021

FailFix Doll


WARNING

NEKKID PLASTIC PERSON AHEAD

TURN BACK NOW 


 I've been seeing these dolls on various You Tube channels and, of course, on the shelf.  I wasn't particularly interested in them  for reasons I will get into, but figured if I saw them marked WAY DOWN, I might buy one.  Today "if" happened. 



The gimmick is one of the strikes against these dolls.  Yet another doll pushing beauty as the end-all and be-all of the human female world.  She's failed at doing her hair and make-up and is utterly mortified.  You have to rescue her from this horrible fate.


Part of the surprise is discovering which look she was going for.  You do this by taking her out of the package removing her plastic molded robe.  The options are Day, Sparkle, or Evening. This gal was wearing the Evening look and her make-up will be bold and colorful!  


Separate from the doll herself in the package:  A stand, four plastic rubber bands, a brush, a "high pony" elastic, and her mask.  Because she was going for a high ponytail and I'm supposed to style her hair accordingly.  Once I get her jewelry and shoes and a gallon of mousse out of her hair, that is. 


Keep in mind, the rest of these pictures were taken after I combed the hair. Anyone who does this trying to put up a high ponytail shouldn't be trusted with make-up and a blow dryer.  Just sayin'. 


Strikes two and three - a ginormous head and inset eyes.  This is the "fail" face.  I'm beginning to suspect this gal was drunk in a wind tunnel while primping.  


Pop the spa mask on and make sure you hear it snap into place.  If it doesn't snap, you will not be able to rip her face off remove the bad make-up.  (Is it just me or does she look like Predator here?)


BAM!  Super glam, including a big 98 under one eye.  Her Day and Sparkle outfits look like football jerseys, with the number, so I thought she's meant to be a cheerleader.  No.  She's on her way to dance class and her name is Dance.Stylz so I'm lost on that one.


She's nicely articulated, so I'm thinking she can be a body donor.  A kid donor, since she's roughly the size of Stacie, but a donor nonetheless.  But... 


This is not the body of a child.  




Stacie stole most of her wardrobe.


I, or the dolls, can use all this stuff. The stand's waist grabber is too small or too low for most of my dolls, but I can work around that.  




Leaving this gal with her extra faces and earrings.  She may end up a body donor after all, or I might find her a home with someone who doesn't mind the giant head and inset eyes.  After all, I can always dress the kid in baggy clothes or give her a hormonal issue! 

All told, five bucks well spent. 












Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Mattie Settles In

 Sulu's (the local greenhouse/nursery) 



Mattie is puttering around, enjoying her first full day of work in her new family's business. The bell on the door chimes.

Mattie: I'll be right with you!  


Mattie: What can I do for you? 

Jessie: I'm Jessie Cooper, I work for Joe Montez.  I need to put in an order for a large landscaping job. 

Mattie: Oh, Su- I mean, Dad - hasn't trained me on that yet.  I'll have to call him in from the property.  

Jessie: He's on the way in.  I flagged him down from the parking lot.  You must be Mattie.  How are you settling in? 

Mattie: I like it here.  They even gave me my own room, even though I would've been fine sharing.  And the work so far has been a lot easier than what I did before.  Waitressing. 

Jessie: I know what you mean.  Joe's a contractor, so we do construction.  I go home exhausted every night, but I don't normally deal with the public.  My roomie waits tables and she - well, my former roomie, I should say.  She recently had to move back into the family home. 

Mattie:  As long as they keep their hands to themselves, I never minded the public.  It's the going home exhausted part that got to me! 


Sulu: Thanks for waiting, Jessie.  I was checking on the hives. 

Jessie: I figured as much since you looked like a snowman out there. Mattie's a nice girl. 

Sulu: We've been quite pleasantly surprised.  Adopting an older child is always a risk. 

Jessie: Did you really adopt her without ever meeting her?  

Sulu: Sort of.  We'd seen her records and met her over video chat.  Now, what's up with this huge landscaping job?  Since when does Joe do landscaping? 

****
Speaking of Jessie's former roomie, Zenobia is resting after rehearsal with Sarcastic Fringehead. 


Zenobia: He thinks I'm not going to press charges.  Said my primary duty is to family. 

Whitney: Well, my dad's an ass, but I don't think I'd -- 

Zenobia: Your dad never ran over your mom with your stolen vehicle. (pauses to collect herself)  I'm sorry, Whitney, I know your dad's done some awful things, but...  never mind, it's not a contest.  I'm just venting and probably telling you stuff I shouldn't. 

Tanner: Since our mom is the star witness? 

Finnick: Probably not supposed to tell anyone anything.  


Taylor (entering): Hey, Finnick, you wanna make a little extra money? 

Tanner: Hey!  Don't come in here during rehearsal! 

Taylor: It's been five minutes since you stopped.  I waited and y'all are hibernating in here.  (To Finnick) That girl Sulu and Lynch adopted is looking for a guitar teacher.  She said she's just getting started, but Sulu said she's been taking lessons for years, so I don't know what's up with that. 

Finnick: Let me guess.  You were showing her around school and just happened to mention that I play. 

Taylor: Something like that.  She's pretty nice.  Kinda quiet. 

Whitney: Is she pretty? 

Finnick: What the hell? Why would that matter? 

Zenobia: Because Esperanza, that's why.  Whit worries way too much about what that idiot thinks. 

Whitney: Be nice. 

Zenobia: Oh, that was way nicer than what I was thinking. 

Finnick: I'll talk to Sulu or Lynch about it, Taylor.  We should be able to arrange something. 












Saturday, September 18, 2021

Another Sulu

 The Sulu family is at the airport.



Bobby: Is that our new Sissy's plane?  Is she here now? 

Sulu: I think it is.  Now, remember, be on your best behavior.  We don't want her jumping back on the plane and running away! 

Vivica (giggles): I'll tackle her!  We been playing football at recess!  


Mattie:  Mr. and Mrs. Sulu?  I'm Matilda.

Lynch: No need for the formality.  If you aren't comfortable with Mom and Dad, I'm Lynch and he's Sulu.  These little monsters crowding around our knees are Bobby and Vivica, your new siblings. (To the little ones) Back off and give her some space. 

Bobby: Daddy said you was bringing a guitar.  Where's it at? Can you play it good? 

Mattie (to Bobby): I've just started lessons and it'll be waiting for us at Baggage Claim.  (To Sulu and Lynch.)  I hope there's someone who can give me lessons here?  

Lynch: We've been asking around, but no luck so far.  This all happened so fast!  


Vivica: How come you got such a teeny suitcase?

Bobby: I dint know we was adopting a growed-up lady. 

Mattie (laughs): I've got a few years before I'm an adult. I'm just tall. And the teeny suitcase holds my book.  I'm really fussy about taking care of my books.  (Looks up as Sulu and Lynch return from conferring with the flight crew.)  All set? 

Lynch: All set.  Just had to prove we really are the people that are supposed to be picking you up. 

****
On the way home, they stop at Sunburst for dinner. 


Mariko: Your food will be up shortly. 

Lynch: Mariko, this is Matilda.  (The girls exchange the usual pleasantries) We contacted an agency about adopting an older child and almost instantly, they hooked us up with Matilda.  

Mariko: No offense, but you guys are nuts.  These three aren't aging you quickly enough? 

Mattie: I'm pretty sure that's why they adopted me. 

Sulu: Hey, now!  That may have been part of why we requested --- 

Mattie (laughs): I'm not complaining! It's all very Anne of Green Gables.  

Mariko: When you start school, I'll meet you at the office and show you around.  Unless Lynch already roped Taylor into doing that? 

Lynch: Taylor's in the same grade.  But thanks for offering. 


John: Just what we need. Another Sulu. 

Sulu: How'd you manage to sneak up on me? 

John: Restroom.  (To Mattie) Nice to meet ya, kid.  I'm your uncle John. 

Sulu: Don't confuse her, she just got here. 

John (pretends to be hurt): You didn't tell her about me? Your best bud since kindergarten?  

Sulu: Don't make me kick your ass.