FailFix Doll

WARNING

NEKKID PLASTIC PERSON AHEAD

TURN BACK NOW 

 I've been seeing these dolls on various You Tube channels and, of course, on the shelf.  I wasn't particularly interested in them  for reasons I will get into, but figured if I saw them marked WAY DOWN, I might buy one.  Today "if" happened. 

The gimmick is one of the strikes against these dolls.  Yet another doll pushing beauty as the end-all and be-all of the human female world.  She's failed at doing her hair and make-up and is utterly mortified.  You have to rescue her from this horrible fate.

Part of the surprise is discovering which look she was going for.  You do this by taking her out of the package removing her plastic molded robe.  The options are Day, Sparkle, or Evening. This gal was wearing the Evening look and her make-up will be bold and colorful!  

Separate from the doll herself in the package:  A stand, four plastic rubber bands, a brush, a "high pony" elastic, and her mask.  Because she was going for a high ponytail and I'm supposed to style her hair accordingly.  Once I get her jewelry and shoes and a gallon of mousse out of her hair, that is. 

Keep in mind, the rest of these pictures were taken after I combed the hair. Anyone who does this trying to put up a high ponytail shouldn't be trusted with make-up and a blow dryer.  Just sayin'. 

Strikes two and three - a ginormous head and inset eyes.  This is the "fail" face.  I'm beginning to suspect this gal was drunk in a wind tunnel while primping.  

Pop the spa mask on and make sure you hear it snap into place.  If it doesn't snap, you will not be able to rip her face off remove the bad make-up.  (Is it just me or does she look like Predator here?)

BAM!  Super glam, including a big 98 under one eye.  Her Day and Sparkle outfits look like football jerseys, with the number, so I thought she's meant to be a cheerleader.  No.  She's on her way to dance class and her name is Dance.Stylz so I'm lost on that one.

She's nicely articulated, so I'm thinking she can be a body donor.  A kid donor, since she's roughly the size of Stacie, but a donor nonetheless.  But... 

This is not the body of a child.  

Stacie stole most of her wardrobe.

I, or the dolls, can use all this stuff. The stand's waist grabber is too small or too low for most of my dolls, but I can work around that.  

Leaving this gal with her extra faces and earrings.  She may end up a body donor after all, or I might find her a home with someone who doesn't mind the giant head and inset eyes.  After all, I can always dress the kid in baggy clothes or give her a hormonal issue! 

All told, five bucks well spent. 

Mattie Settles In

 Sulu's (the local greenhouse/nursery) 

Mattie is puttering around, enjoying her first full day of work in her new family's business. The bell on the door chimes.

Mattie: I'll be right with you!  

Mattie: What can I do for you? 

Jessie: I'm Jessie Cooper, I work for Joe Montez.  I need to put in an order for a large landscaping job. 

Mattie: Oh, Su- I mean, Dad - hasn't trained me on that yet.  I'll have to call him in from the property.  

Jessie: He's on the way in.  I flagged him down from the parking lot.  You must be Mattie.  How are you settling in? 

Mattie: I like it here.  They even gave me my own room, even though I would've been fine sharing.  And the work so far has been a lot easier than what I did before.  Waitressing. 

Jessie: I know what you mean.  Joe's a contractor, so we do construction.  I go home exhausted every night, but I don't normally deal with the public.  My roomie waits tables and she - well, my former roomie, I should say.  She recently had to move back into the family home. 

Mattie:  As long as they keep their hands to themselves, I never minded the public.  It's the going home exhausted part that got to me! 

Sulu: Thanks for waiting, Jessie.  I was checking on the hives. 

Jessie: I figured as much since you looked like a snowman out there. Mattie's a nice girl. 

Sulu: We've been quite pleasantly surprised.  Adopting an older child is always a risk. 

Jessie: Did you really adopt her without ever meeting her?  

Sulu: Sort of.  We'd seen her records and met her over video chat.  Now, what's up with this huge landscaping job?  Since when does Joe do landscaping? 

****

Speaking of Jessie's former roomie, Zenobia is resting after rehearsal with Sarcastic Fringehead. 

Zenobia: He thinks I'm not going to press charges.  Said my primary duty is to family. 

Whitney: Well, my dad's an ass, but I don't think I'd -- 

Zenobia: Your dad never ran over your mom with your stolen vehicle. (pauses to collect herself)  I'm sorry, Whitney, I know your dad's done some awful things, but...  never mind, it's not a contest.  I'm just venting and probably telling you stuff I shouldn't. 

Tanner: Since our mom is the star witness? 

Finnick: Probably not supposed to tell anyone anything.  

Taylor (entering): Hey, Finnick, you wanna make a little extra money? 

Tanner: Hey!  Don't come in here during rehearsal! 

Taylor: It's been five minutes since you stopped.  I waited and y'all are hibernating in here.  (To Finnick) That girl Sulu and Lynch adopted is looking for a guitar teacher.  She said she's just getting started, but Sulu said she's been taking lessons for years, so I don't know what's up with that. 

Finnick: Let me guess.  You were showing her around school and just happened to mention that I play. 

Taylor: Something like that.  She's pretty nice.  Kinda quiet. 

Whitney: Is she pretty? 

Finnick: What the hell? Why would that matter? 

Zenobia: Because Esperanza, that's why.  Whit worries way too much about what that idiot thinks. 

Whitney: Be nice. 

Zenobia: Oh, that was way nicer than what I was thinking. 

Finnick: I'll talk to Sulu or Lynch about it, Taylor.  We should be able to arrange something. 

Another Sulu

 The Sulu family is at the airport.

Bobby: Is that our new Sissy's plane?  Is she here now? 

Sulu: I think it is.  Now, remember, be on your best behavior.  We don't want her jumping back on the plane and running away! 

Vivica (giggles): I'll tackle her!  We been playing football at recess!  

Mattie:  Mr. and Mrs. Sulu?  I'm Matilda.

Lynch: No need for the formality.  If you aren't comfortable with Mom and Dad, I'm Lynch and he's Sulu.  These little monsters crowding around our knees are Bobby and Vivica, your new siblings. (To the little ones) Back off and give her some space. 

Bobby: Daddy said you was bringing a guitar.  Where's it at? Can you play it good? 

Mattie (to Bobby): I've just started lessons and it'll be waiting for us at Baggage Claim.  (To Sulu and Lynch.)  I hope there's someone who can give me lessons here?  

Lynch: We've been asking around, but no luck so far.  This all happened so fast!  

Vivica: How come you got such a teeny suitcase?

Bobby: I dint know we was adopting a growed-up lady. 

Mattie (laughs): I've got a few years before I'm an adult. I'm just tall. And the teeny suitcase holds my book.  I'm really fussy about taking care of my books.  (Looks up as Sulu and Lynch return from conferring with the flight crew.)  All set? 

Lynch: All set.  Just had to prove we really are the people that are supposed to be picking you up. 

****

On the way home, they stop at Sunburst for dinner. 

Mariko: Your food will be up shortly. 

Lynch: Mariko, this is Matilda.  (The girls exchange the usual pleasantries) We contacted an agency about adopting an older child and almost instantly, they hooked us up with Matilda.  

Mariko: No offense, but you guys are nuts.  These three aren't aging you quickly enough? 

Mattie: I'm pretty sure that's why they adopted me. 

Sulu: Hey, now!  That may have been part of why we requested --- 

Mattie (laughs): I'm not complaining! It's all very Anne of Green Gables.  

Mariko: When you start school, I'll meet you at the office and show you around.  Unless Lynch already roped Taylor into doing that? 

Lynch: Taylor's in the same grade.  But thanks for offering. 

John: Just what we need. Another Sulu. 

Sulu: How'd you manage to sneak up on me? 

John: Restroom.  (To Mattie) Nice to meet ya, kid.  I'm your uncle John. 

Sulu: Don't confuse her, she just got here. 

John (pretends to be hurt): You didn't tell her about me? Your best bud since kindergarten?  

Sulu: Don't make me kick your ass.  

From The Past

Gabriella's discovery of a submerged SUV in the waters of Witch's Cove Inlet, the connection to Muneca Lake for the town's many small streams, has brought Lynch and Carol to the park. 

Gabriella: I just caught a glimpse of something odd from the corner of my eye.  Had to use my phone's camera and zoom in to tell what it was.  But I didn't take a picture.  I ran back over here to tell Dad. 

Lynch: You were on your way to the restroom? 

Carol:  I didn't know you could see down into the inlet from this side. 

Gabriella: Usually, you can't, but part of the underbrush is all smashed down.  I think that's what I noticed.  I did go back over there, to use the restroom, while we were waiting for you to arrive.  I had to go pretty bad. 

Lynch: I'll make a note of that.  (To Carol)  They keep the underbrush thick to keep people from going over the edge, either by accident or on purpose.  Amusement park is an easy swim across from here, if you can get to the water.  

Carol: An SUV driving through, especially at speed, would crush the undergrowth.  We should have CSI check for tire tracks from the parking area.  

Ryder: Man, Tate, you just keep running into those good looking cop ladies.  If this was a chick flick, it'd be a sure sign of... 

Tate: You watch chick flicks? 

Ryder: I live with three sisters, two of which are teenagers.   Who do you prefer?  The cop or the fed? 

Joe: The cop is happily married with three kids.  

Ryder: I guess it's the fed, then. 

Joe (rolls his eyes):  And they say women are chatty.  Y'all talk more in an hour than any female employee I've ever had did in a day.  

Tate: With my luck, if I find a lady, she'll be buried under 50 years worth of newspapers in my uncle's attic or basement.  (To Joe)  It's all him, man.  I swear. 

****

At Windu Acres, Candy catches Pike up on her recent reunion with Dawn Lung. 

Pike: I think I remember her now.  The girl I called your little sister?  Her dad got busted for bigamy and her parents both sucked so bad she ended up in the system?

Candy: Right.  When wife number two found out Dawn was going in and out of foster care, she stepped up.  Figured Dawn was her daughter's sister, so they should be together.  Funny she ended up here, too, isn't it?  

Pike: That's just how cool Barbieville is.  What's Dawn doing these days? 

Candy: She and her sister have a business called Tailoring by Halfsies. 

Finnick: Hey, you should see if she can give Taylor a job.  She's recently rediscovered how much she loves sewing.  Has Grammy's machine set up in her room and everything. 

Candy: I could ask her.  But I think we should talk to Taylor and Rose-Grace first. 

Finnick: Step-Mom just pulled in.  I heard her car. 

Rose-Grace (on phone): Excellent.  Keep me updated,  Lynch.  I want this nightmare over. 

Pike: Hey, when you're -- 

Rose-Grace: Honey, you know it take me a while to switch from Mayor Mode.  Do you need Wife Mode or Mom Mode?  

Pike: Since it relates to Taylor, definitely Mom Mode. 

 

Meanwhile...

 Candy and Dawn meet at Sunburst to catch up on the last few years.  

Dawn: These are all your kids?  You've been busy. 

Candy(laughs): No, the big twins, the girl in camo, and the little boy are mine.  The other two girls are Pike's stepdaughters and the babies are his with Rose-Grace.  

Dawn: So your ex is married to the mayor?  Do you two get along?  There's no bad blood?

Candy: We had a amicable divorce.  He wanted to put down roots, I didn't.  We do a pretty good job of co-parenting - none of that playing the kids against each other crap.  

Dawn: You know I was in and out of the system because my parents proved each other unfit?  Well, Dad's other wife said she'd take me and raise me.  I'd met her and Iris a few times and we always got along great.

Candy: I do remember your Dad was a bigamist.  What's the age difference with you and Iris? 

Dawn: Just a few months.  I met a little boy the other day who told me all about how he and his sister are the same age, but not twins, because they're both adopted.  

Candy: That had to be Bobby.  Were you at the greenhouse? 

Dawn: The day care.  We're opening up shop in the same building, just a floor above.  

Candy: I hope John rescued you before Bobby could tell you his life story. 

Dawn: He did.  Handsome fellow. 

Candy: Happily married fellow.  What kind of shop do you have?

Dawn: Tailoring by Halfsies.  Because we're half-sisters.  

****

At Doll County Correctional, Paris Malfoy meets with his lawyer. 

Andre: I'm afraid I don't have good news, Mr. Malfoy.  The case against you is solid.  

Paris: How?  They don't have the vehicle, any fingerprints or DNA, not even a witness. 

Andre: They have video.  Candy Pike was wearing a GoPro, and from the video they tracked the license plate and identified you as the driver.  I've had the video sent to an independent lab to see if it's been tampered with, but this does not bode well.  The car belongs to your daughter and was reported stolen years ago. 

Paris: Zenobia can't press charges against me.  I'm her father.  And there's plenty of men around who could be mistake for me in a blurry GoPro video. Hell, even the first victim's husband looks so much like me it's rumored that he's my bastard brother. 

Andre: Zenobia can and probably will testify against you.  It's entirely possible you'll be charged with car theft on top of everything else. James Potter has an alibi for all three incidents, and the video is very clear - Ms Pike is a professional photographer and uses top-of-the-line equipment.   Now, you can come clean with me and we can work out a defense, or I collect for the time I've wasted here and move on to my next case. 

*****

The Montez Contracting crew meets in the park for work.  They're installing playground equipment. 

Gabriella: I'm going to hit the restroom before we get started, Dad.  I'll meet you at the site. 

Joe: Okay.  (teasing) Don't be slacking off just because it's your last day on the job. 

Ryder: Why's it her last day on the job? 

Joe: Back to school tomorrow.  

Tate: Oh?  What's her major? 

Joe: Major?  She's in high school, she doesn't have a major. 

Ryder (amazed): High school?  She's underage? 

Tate: We though she was just petite. 

Joe (chuckles): I'm not sure if I should be complimented on my parenting or angry that you two were apparently lusting after my daughter.  She is very mature for her age, but yes, she's underage. Wait a few years before asking her out. 

Gabriella sprints across the park, shouting.  

Joe: What is it?  

Gabriella (panting): There's a car in the water, down behind the restrooms.  I think it's the one the cops are looking for.  Green SUV, right? 

A Reunion (Or Two)

 Sunburst.  Zenobia hurries in after her meeting with the lawyer. 

Iris: Casey, stop playing on your phone and eat.  

Casey: I'll have plenty of time to eat when Dawn gets here.  You two are gonna go blah-blah-blah til bedtime. 

Iris: We aren't going to be here that long.  We're going to the shop and make plans.  

Zenobia: Welcome to Sunburst!  I'm Zenobia.

Dawn: I'm looking for... oh, there she is.  (waves to Iris)  I'll just have some coffee, please.  

Zenobia: Cream and sugar? 

Dawn: No.  Just strong black coffee. 

Zenobia: It'll be a few minutes for the coffee.  I started a fresh pot.

Dawn: Excellent.  I'll also have this taco thing Iris is eating.  (Stops Zenobia when she moves away.) I hate to sound like some kind of stalker, but who is that woman over there?  In the wheelchair? She looks very familiar. 

Zenobia: That's Candy Pike.  She's a pretty well known photojournalist, so you've probably seen her work, but it's odd that... 

Dawn (excited): Was her maiden name Barr? And no, I'm not being a smartass.  I actually once knew a girl named Candy Barr. We were in a couple of foster homes together.

Zenobia: I believe it was.  I can ask her, she won't mind.  I'm friends with her sons. 

Dawn: Please do. My name's Dawn Lung. 

Zenobia: This is going to sound really weird. 

Candy (laughs): Most of the things you say are weird, Zenobia, but that's why I like you. What's up? 

Zenobia: The lady sitting with Iris Patrick?  She thinks you two were in a foster home together as kids.  Her name's Dawn Lung. 

Candy (thinks for a bit): There was a Dawn.  We ended up in the same home twice, once when I was ten or so and then when I was a teenager. (scrutinizes Dawn from across the room, then smiles broadly)  That is her!  

Candy:  It's me, Dawn!  (To Zenobia) Oh, I hate this wheelchair.  Help me get over there.  

Zenobia: I have to put in her order and get her coffee.  I'll ask if they mind you joining them. 

Candy: Oh, yeah, I guess I shouldn't just horn in on them. 

The Giant

 

Zenobia's phone chimes as she's leaving The Tor.  It's her boss.

Midna: I got Esmeralda to stay over until you get to work, just in case this meeting runs late.  Is it true your dad hired The Giant to defend him?  Doesn't seem to fit what I know of him.

Zenobia:  He's good at ignoring your defects if you are of use to him.  The Giant's the best defense attorney on the planet, so it only follows that Dad hired him.  

Midna: I was shocked the first time I saw the guy.  I expected... well, a giant. 

Zenobia: He's a giant in the courtroom.  Also, there's probably some irony there.  

Midna: Like calling a skinny guy Fatso.  Anyway, don't sweat it about work.

Andre: I suppose you're wondering why I asked you to meet me here, at Mr. Rhee's office.  

Boudicca: He's Family Law, and we are here about family matters.  It's only logical to have him involved. 

Andre: Exactly!  Your father told me you were smart.  And Zenobia, you've moved back into the family home to help.  That must be a sacrifice for you.

Zenobia (not sure if he's being sarcastic): Mom instilled a strong sense of family duty in all of us.  My siblings need me, so here I am. 

Andre: Excellent.  Since the matters of home and family fall under his purview, I'll give the floor over to Mr. Rhee. 

Jimin: Thank you, sir.  (To Zenobia and Boudicca) There was some question of locking down your father's finances, but given the needs of  minor children, I managed to keep some funds available.  Household and educational expenses, for example.  Boudicca's tuition and books are paid from her own accounts, so we don't need to worry about that. 

Zenobia:  Yeah, Mom saw to that.  When I decided against higher education, he tried to take my college fund. She didn't want him doing that to the others if they pursued unseemly careers. 

Jimin: There are some formalities, papers to sign regarding custody of Draco and Leia, but no surprises.  Besides a collective tightening of the proverbial belt, I think life will mostly go on as usual for them. 

Andre: There were some questions as to Zenobia's ability to fulfill her role. 

Zenobia: Yet I was the first person he called to do it.  (imitating Paris) You are the eldest child, it falls upon you.

Andre (trying not to smile): Questionable morals aside, you pass muster as a responsible adult.  

Boudicca: I think Draco might have sealed that deal, anyway.  Shot himself in the foot, telling the investigator what a sleazy slimy slut you are and then praising your friends as good people.  Albus in particular. 

Zenobia: He does have a lot more respect for Albus than I would've expected. 

Andre: Well, then, once these papers are signed, we can all go about our day.  I'll be back in touch with you regarding Paris's defense.