A Little Christmas Silliness

We've all heard of Elf On The Shelf but how about...

Tanner on a nanner

Pike on a bike

Brent on a scent

Ben on a Ken

Nikki on a Ricky

Lee on some tea

Kelly on the telly

Four in a drawer

Ty on an eye

Unexpected Christmas Project

Saxy Santa didn't play music any more, but he was still pretty cool, so I kept him around.

Today I got home from running some errands and found him on the floor.  When I picked him up, he was broken at the waist.  Well, at the hip.  One of his servos had given out.  Bummer, I thought, but then it occurred to me... he was roughly Barbie scale.  Could I salvage any of his bits and pieces?

Moment of silence before the looting begins.  

Here Sulu impersonates a weight loss advertisement.  Even my sewing skills are up to this job - at least for little plastic people!  Who looks at Santa's britches, anyway?

Taken in and still with ample room for padding.  I added the snowflake belt buckle.  

Salvaged the almost entire outfit.  Saxy Santa's boots were as molded on as Sulu's are.  The bow off the base will go into my sewing box. I even managed to save his sax and shades!  

Sulu's glad the beard was molded on.  He thinks that means Guinness will have to play Santa.  Little does he know... I own cotton balls...  BWA HA HA 

Story 19: Run Deep

The election over, life in Barbieville returns to normal.  Pike got his annual bonus from the corporation and has hired Joe to do some handyman work.  They meet at the diner to go over Joe's plans.

Joe: When those buildings came down along the Beach Highway, I contracted to take them down for materials I can repurpose.  I went out to my warehouse and came up with some idea for the work on your deck.

Pike: I didn't know you had a warehouse.

Joe: What I save on material more than covers the cost of the lease.  Also, save the planet and all that.  Sometimes I put my girls to work cleaning and sorting, if it's safe.  Jenny's a terrific go-fer.  

Pike: They are at that age.  I'd never get Taylor to do manual labor, though.  She might break a nail.

Joe (laughs): My girls don't enjoy it, but they know that's how we put food on the table.  If my wife's boss would give her a raise... 

After lunch, they decide to go to the warehouse and brainstorm.  Ben Kishi approaches them as they're leaving.

Ben:  Excuse me, Mr. Pike, I wonder if you can tell me if your wife would okay a support group meeting at the Town Hall?  It started out as being for siblings raising siblings, but...

Pike: You'd have to talk to her secretary, Kyra Darling.  Aren't there already support groups for that kind of thing?

Ben: We have one for Grandparents and one for Single Parents, but they're not willing to let siblings and cousins and the like join.  Thank you.  Sorry to bother you. 

Pike: It's no bother.  Good luck.

At the warehouse, Joe shows Pike some of the things he was planning to use for the deck.  

Joe: Those brick planters in the corner are the ones I used in the plans I showed you at the diner.  

Pike: Fake flowers? 

Joe: Cleverly disguised lights.  They come on automatically. 

Pike: That would be good.  We can always use...  what in the world is this thing? 

Joe: Bunk beds, can you believe it?  Came from the condemned apartments - I guess they were too much work for the owner to haul out.  

Pike: Tanner and Finnick reached the age where they refused to share a bed and we made a loft bed for one of them, but... 

Joe: If you can find round mattresses.  The originals are long gone.  

Zenobia and Becky are on their way to Zenobia's apartment in the warehouse district.  

Zenobia: I only get good light for about an hour a day, so we'll have to record the interview around three.  Unless we can find another place to do it. 

Becky: Three is...  (hears something down the alley)  What was that? 

Zenobia: Sounded too big to be one of the neighborhood strays.  

Becky: Clara!  What are you doing?

Startled, Clara falls.

Clara: Why don't you mind your own business?

Becky: Are you okay?

Zenobia: You're up on those bins, taking pictures through the ventilation slats, but we need to mind our own business? 

Joe: Now, these poles are the perfect...  

Pike: What's going on outside?  

Clara:  I'm not hurt.  Give back my camera and leave me alone!

Joe: That's my warehouse.  Let me see that camera.  

Clara: That camera is my property! 

Zenobia: You're trespassing on his property.  

Clara: Shut up, you blue-headed bimbo! 

Joe (scrolling through the photos): Call the police.  Looks like this girl's planning to blackmail half the town. 

Story 18: Still Waters

Pike's meeting with local contractor Joe Montez about a problem he recently noticed.   

Pike: You can see here, the deck is coming apart from the house.  And we're concerned about the lack of railings around the edges.  No one's fallen off, but it's an accident waiting to happen.

Joe: Looks like you're right about the trees pushing it off kilter.  But it's not as bad as it seems.  For one thing, this isn't really a deck.  It's a separate structure, a car port, that you just hang out on top of. I doubt it was ever...

Rose-Grace joins them.  She's just gotten home from the office.

Rose-Grace: You went ahead and called Joe?  I told you I wanted to wait.

Pike: Until my bonus came through and we knew your job was secure for the next few years.  Both of those things have happened, right?

Joe: It's all his fault, Ms Mayor.  Please don't revoke my contractor's license.  (They all laugh.)  As I was just telling your husband, it looks like a fairly simple job.  

None of them are aware they're being watched.

*****

Later that week, Kyra steps into the boss's office at the end of the day.  

 

Kyra: Put that paperwork down.  It's five, and time to get out of here.

Rose-Grace: What's your big hurry?  (Remembers) Oh, yeah, you have a hot date tonight.  

Kyra: A date, anyway.  It remains to be seen how hot it'll be.  What is all that, anyway?

Rose-Grace: Every single committee this town has.  They waited until after the election to do any work just in case a transition needed eased.  I'm tempted to deny every request in here, just out of spite.

Kyra: Are you sure it's all right for me to date Brent?  He did just run against you.

Rose-Grace: Speaking as mayor, the timing could be slightly better, but as your friend?  Go for it.

The Eatons have dinner at the diner.  Mariko comes to take their order, but they're too busy bickering to even take the menus from her.

Marcus: Don't get to used to this, guys.  Mom's kitchen will be unpacked tomorrow.

Esmeralda: Moving is a lot harder with a family.  The last time, it was just me and Dad.  Good thing you were all boys so we didn't need a third bedroom or this would have happened a long time ago.

Ricky: I'm still mad you didn't get us each our own room in the new place.  Dad said we could afford it.  And don't be all dramatic about how you gave us the master bedroom cause it was bigger. 

Marcus: You need to watch your tone, Richard.  

Four: Maybe you want to live with Mommy and Daddy forever, but I'll take a pass.  

Kevin: You'll have your own room in what, five years?  At the most?  

Elsewhere in the diner, Zenobia talks to Becky.

Zenobia: I want to do a vlog on Keep Barbieville Virtuous.  I've already got a lot of man on the street type stuff, but if I interview you and Clara on camera, it would be great.

Becky: I'm available, but don't count on Clara.  She isn't speaking to me.

Zenobia: Really?  That sounds like a scoop right there!

Brent takes Kyra to dinner at the Shore Thing Cafe, where they have a spectacular view of Muneca Lake at sunset.

Brent: I hope you like this place.  I wanted somewhere nice, but not too fancy.  

Kyra: I bring my girls here for all our special occasions.  

Brent: If it's not too personal, can I ask why they all have W names?

Kyra:  My ex.  He was William and decided our daughters would share his initials.  Had they been sons, they'd probably be Kyle and Keith. For my initials.  When Wilma came along, the girls didn't want her to feel left out.  

Brent: You could have knocked me over with a feather when I found out you were a grandmother.

Kyra: Imagine how I felt.  Whitney was barely a teenager.

Nervous as a schoolboy, Brent slips an arm around her as they stroll along the beach.

Kyra: Can I ask, if it's not too personal, what did KBV have on you?  Everything they printed was so vague and I don't want to be dating an axe murderer.

Brent: We only murder axes.  (Chuckles, then braces himself for her reaction.)  I have a juvenile record.  Assault.  Hate crimes, mostly racial.  A touch of gay bashing.  (Relieved she hasn't fled.)  I'm a better man now, obviously, but people don't like to believe you can change.

Kyra: What happened to bring about the change?

Brent: My sister married a non-white woman.  

...and they're being followed.

Story 17: Election Day

The main polling place in Barbieville is The Overlook, a reception hall in the amusement park.  Voters can gather in the front room and socialize before and after casting their ballots.  The park closes for the winter after the Halloween Haunt, but for this one day a skeleton crew is working as security.

Finnick, Nakoma, and Anakin staff the ticket booths between the parking lot and the park entrance.

Anakin: Come help me take down the Halloween decorations.

Nakoma: The guys who repaint the wall during the off season take them down.  But go for it, little brother.  You've been bored silly all day.

Finnick: Poor kid doesn't know to bring something to entertain himself. Rookie mistake.  (To Anakin) Hand me that end and go take down the other.  We can pull it in through my window.

Nakoma watches them work.  She'd tell them how sweet they are, but that would just embarrass both of them.

Rose-Grace is near the entrance doing a bit of last minute electioneering.  Across the way, a group is discouraging support for one of the issues.  Tris comes over to talk to them. 

Tris: I'm so glad you aren't making your kids help.  My folks...  

Mace: Fred was here, but he kept crossing the invisible line.  (Points toward the "No electioneering beyond this point" sign.)  His daddy took him home.

Rose-Grace: He didn't cross the line.  He just yelled after people who had.  I'm not sure how the law works in that case, but we're not taking any chances.  

Mace: Forcing a kid to do anything is bound to backfire on you.  We don't want them to hate voting when they're grown.

Tris: I wish you could talk sense to my folks.  I find this whole thing humiliating.

Brent is doing his electioneering nearer the parking lot.  PJ has joined him.

PJ: I hope you win this election.  Rose-Grace Pike needs to go.

Brent: It's up to the voters at this point.  

PJ: Do you have any idea how much trouble she caused me by taking my building from the owner?  I had to join the Medical Center.  Relocating alone cost me as much as a year's lease in the old place! If she gets re-elected, that land will end up the property of that damn amusement park.  

Brent: (Thinks her concern is groundless, but remembers how convinced he once was.)  It's up to the citizens of Barbieville now.  You seem to be taking it personally, but a lot of people were inconvenienced by that entire situation.  

Inside The Overlook

Pocahontas: There doesn't seem to be a lot of demand for a support group, Ben.  

Ben: I've had a good bit of interest from people on campus.  

Roxy:  Hi, Pocahontas!  I saw Anakin at the gate and he -- 

John (across the room):  Roxy, let her be.  I already told you no.

Sulu: Now I get it.  You don't want me to set you up with anybody because you're chasing the one that got away.  Are you nuts?  She's never gonna give you a second chance.

Pocahontas: Go on, Roxy.  If your dad said no to whatever it is, then that's final.  

Ben (watching Roxy walk away): Cute kid.

Pocahontas: Her father was my high school sweetheart.  

Ben: The one you told me about?  

Pocahontas: The only one.  How many high school sweethearts did you have?

John: You're way off base, man.  Roxy is friends with her little brother, that's all. 

Sulu: That's why you can't take your eyes off of her?  Dude, I was there when she busted into second period history and beat the crap out of you.

John: Which I deserved.     

Clara: What are you doing here?  

Becky:  Voting, and talking to Violet. 

Clara: Trying to turn Violet against me, more like. 

Violet: We weren't talking about anything related to you.  I don't know what adolescent drama you two have going on and I don't care.  We have a business relationship, no more and no less.

Clara: Why'd you warn us about those kids, then?

Violet: It's good business to let a client know if someone is snooping.  

Evening falls.  Whitney's shift at the diner over, she and her mom are walking home.  They come across Brent Spiner.  

Brent: Hello, Ms Darling.  I was hoping to run into you. 

Kyra: Um, hi? 

Brent: I just called Rose-Grace and conceded the election. 

Kyra: And you felt the need to hunt me down and tell me in person?  I work for the town, not for her.  If you had won...

Brent: But she's also your friend.  And if I had won, my asking you out would be quite inappropriate.  Tell me, was losing the election a blessing in disguise? 

Crazy Doll People

There was a recent article in the New York Times titled "Tally of The Dolls".  It's about us crazy doll people, specifically those on Instagram.  Since tone of voice is difficult in print, some of us have taken it as an attack, and I made the same mistake before actually reading the article in question.  Shame on me!  I know better than that! 

The article's title is somewhat misleading, since it only touches on the profits to be made, but it's not a bad read.  The problem is a question of tone.  Syntax can only take us so far in understanding the author's intent -- when this author calls us "artists", is it with respect or derision?  I choose to believe it was intended with respect.  I'm a big fan of the benefit of the doubt.

Why do we do what we do?  The only one I can answer for is myself, and there probably are deep psychological issues -- when aren't there deep psychological issues?  I don't think much about my reasons.  I just enjoy it, and I'm not hurting anyone!

I felt bad because I never got the doll with my initials (PJ).  I was thrilled at the age of 18 to finally have her! (I'm currently on my second PJ head and god only knows the number of bodies they've used.)  I think about how I longed for that doll, one with a bit of me in her, and I try to imagine what it would have been like to be non-white.  To never see a doll that even vaguely resembled me, or to only find them tucked away in a corner of the aisle like an afterthought or something shameful? 

Some of us focus on the disabled.  Because we, or someone we love, isn't represented in the doll universe?  Maybe.  One blogger I follow tries to have as much variation as possible in her storytelling because she celebrates human diversity.  Another focuses strictly on her own ethnicity. 

It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized most of my early dolls had come from local charities.  Thus, they were mostly the standard blond Barbie. The poverty that brought them into my life was a blessing in disguise, as far as representation goes.  They were simply too precious to be tossed aside.  If they lost an arm, I invented a story to explain it.  One with strange eyes?  She's blind. 

Those stories evolved into writing fiction.  My research, intended to help me write respectfully about people different from myself, was met with a lot of hostility.  White girls have no business writing about other cultures.  Straight girls have no business writing about lesbians or gay men.  It was, and still is, very hurtful.  I have tears in my eyes as I type this.  But storytelling is so much a part of me, I had to do it, and the only "correct" way was fiction.  Preferably novels.  I have two completed, and a few short stories, that will never see publication.  Rejection I can handle.  Backlash like that?  No.

That's not to say I've made no friends in the writing community.  I've gotten encouragement and even been told by actual lesbians that I write Olivia and Ann perfectly!  But every time I venture out to research some little bit, I cringe.  My little stories here don't require that sort of depth.  I can just write about people and the things we all have in common. 

Some of us really are childless spinsters or gay men, per the stereotype, but not even a majority.  We all do it for different reasons, in different ways, and we're harmless.  We're creating art.  We're answering a higher calling to promote an ethnic or religious or otherwise singular group.  All I know is I feel like I've returned to my roots.  I love my fellow crazy doll people.